Three Ways to Get a Husband While Singing In the Comeback Choir

One of my homegirls called me last week elated because she won something on the radio for the very first time. Her prize: two tickets to Tyler Perry’s latest theatrical production, The Marriage Counselor. My first thought was, “I hope she does not invite me.” Isn’t that terrible? I cannot help but get a bad taste in my mouth when I start to think about being an audience member of the latest chitlin’ circuit performance. And yet there is also a tiny voice in my head telling me I’m wrong for harboring negative feelings about such products of hard work and testaments of success of the people in my community.

We all know Tyler Perry’s bio by now. The brother was living out of his car at one point and damn near went broke trying to stage his first play. His second play, Woman Thou Art Loosed, grossed over $5 million in five months. According to Entertainment Weekly, Perry averaged a little over $21 million per opening weekend for each of his last four box office smashes. And he is not alone in his conquest of the afro-thespian market. David E. Talbert, Je’Caryous Johnson, and Gary Guidry join him in the ranks. And I cannot speak on this subject without mentioning Mr. Shelly Garrett of the forever infamous Beauty Shop.

I love an inspirational story as much as the next person. But these plays all follow the same formula for every script:

• Characters: Main Character (MC); MC’s love interest; mother/big mama/other black woman who raised MC (must wear big wig, housecoat, and DD-sized sagging breasts); next door neighbor or co-worker who is also close friend & confidant; lover from the past who reappears after years of absence & still in love with MC; the bad seed/vindictive tramp/adulterous deacon from the church.
• At least four musical numbers. One must be a love ballad and one a moral dilemma.
• Stirring gospel rendition that brings the audience to their feet is a given.
• Starring actors and singers who are very talented but been out of work for a few months. Leon, Kelly Price, Tamela & David Mann, Billy Dee Williams, Morris Chestnut, and Richard Roundtree are some of the usual suspects.

And you know church groups from all over plan a day trip out around the productions. Their charter buses be lined up outside the theater with signs on the front windows that read “First Rising Mount Zion Baptist”, “Mosley A.M.E.”, and “Sacred Hearts Soul Redemption Temple”. After the play, they board the bus and head to Golden Corral, Crate & Barrel, or Shoney's.

Knowing that my people are the writers, directors, musical directors, choreographers, and production crew makes me very proud. But are all of our stories about heartache, inability to find a good wo/man, and learning to love the Lord? For every Talbert or Perry, where are the aspiring black playwrights to continue the legacies of Lorraine Hansberry, James Baldwin, August Wilson, Goerge C. Wolfe, and Suzan-Lori Parks?

I don't think it would bother me so much if similar productions existed within other ethnic communities.

Have you ever heard of:

• Mom, I'm marrying a black man, starring Margaret Cho?
• Papi, te amo!, starring Cheech Marin?
• Where is my Mazal Tov?, starring Mayim Bialik and Mindy Cohn?

Exactly.

I fear that we are type casting ourselves. Pigeon-holing each other. Creating stereotypical roles and masterfully portraying them to a T. I'm almost afraid to say it but, in the words of Granny 'Retto, shuckin' and jivin'.

Some may think that's a stretch but I doubt it. Who better than black folk to properly portray us to the rest of the world? The chitlin' circuit played a very significant role in our history. Once upon a time, there were limited venues that would allow black entertainers inside their doors. Today it is nothing to see brown faces, on stage and in the house, at the Kennedy Center, Kodak Theatre, and Broadway. Those doors have been opened to us and the sky is the limit.

So why do we still have tunnel vision?

Tunnels lead the way underground. It's time to rise above.

I'm sure Hattie McDaniel is turning in her grave.

Tumultuously Yours,

Dark & Stormy

A Closed Mouth Don’t Get Fed (And Other Clichés)

This is about to be some serious stream of consciousness writing right here, so my apologies. So, last weekend I learned the true meaning of ‘A Closed Mouth Don’t Get Fed.’ You don’t need to know the sordid details, the basics involve: me, a man I was interested in (please notice the past tense) and me not speaking or saying my mind.

So, for a first date, I went to see Tyler Perry’s Why Did I get Married? No, not with the man I was interested in, with someone else, a filler let’s say. So when the movie was over, and the filler and I were having drinks, filler says to me, “did you identify with any character in the movie?” Now, my first inclination was to be like “hell no, I don’t know you, I’m not really feeling you and I don’t feel like sharing that much about myself…” But you know I realized that he was trying to be nice and get to know me, so I played along and said, “well maybe Janet Jackson’s character…” Now I don’t want to “spoil” the movie for you five Black people who haven’t seen it, but basically Janet’s character Patty referred to herself as ‘Perfect Patty’ and was upset that she had made a crucial mistake that changed the course of she and her husband’s life. And I completely understood that.

All my life I have done everything the way I “should”, more so what has always been expected of me. I did well in high school, went to college, graduated on time and with honors. Granted I lost my way for awhile and was bartending and waitressing to make ends meet, but no one expected that would last, and I got back on track like I was supposed to and went to graduate school and got myself a ‘good job.’ And I appear to have it all together, people look at me and want to be me, ok well not me per se, but they want to know how to replicate my accomplishments and success…So, see ‘Perfect Rum Punch…’ It doesn’t have the same effect as Perfect Patty, but I’m sure you understand. But after this past weekend I had to come to grips with the fact that I have some of Jill Scott’s character in me as well and that has me re-evaluating who I am and who I want to be.

Now Jill Scott’s character, Sheila was ‘meek’ (for lack of a better word), she was overweight and sad and accepted everything as it came to her, never challenging her displeasure with her husband, her body or her life. In essence, she had settled and was content to be there. Oh, she may have seemed unhappy, but she didn’t want to change her situation, so she was content and complacent where she was.

So this leads me to last weekend where I found myself with a man who I was interested in (notice the past tense) and I thought we were on the same page. Well I was quite mistaken and learned the hard way that we weren’t. Now I’m not saying I was completely off base, he was feeling me, but he didn’t want to explore taking it to a relationship level. And since I am in the business of finding my husband, keep it moving I must and did.

But when he first told me this, I was upset, pissed the fuck off…Why were we talking on the regular, seeing each other, etc, etc if he didn’t want to be with me? Well apparently it’s because he viewed us as “friends”, nothing more and nothing less. And if I had spoken up, been a woman about mine and said, “boy, I like you, so what is we gon’ do?’, then this whole situation could have been avoided. And in that moment, well maybe not in that moment because I was pissed the fuck off, but the next morning, I realized that I had been content and complacent. Content and complacent with hoping that he wanted what I wanted but afraid to find out because then if he didn’t want what I wanted, what would I do then? I was waiting and wanting him to call the shots, ready to follow his lead, letting him choose me (shouts out to Mint Julep’s post) instead of being honest with both him and me about what I wanted. Period. What I wanted.

But instead of being upset with the situation, I have decided to take the Pollyanna approach, take lemons and make lemonade, if you will. You see, I want to learn from this situation and learn how I can improve myself, through self-evaluation and this blog though, because I can’t afford therapy. As “Perfect Rum Punch”, it’s hard for me to admit and accept my flaws or that I don’t know everything that I feel I’m supposed to at this age. It’s hard for me to accept the fact that there’s so much of Sheila inside of me. I am supposed to be Strong Black Woman, hear me roar. But I’m not all the time. Not when it’s supposed to count. I can be afraid of opening my damn mouth to vocalize my feelings, my needs and my wants. And that’s hard to admit to myself, but it’s the first step to changing my behavior. I mean, a sista has got to eat, right?

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Fridays!

Resurrection of the Buppie

Ooohhh. . . time to touch on a wonderful topic, HOLLYWOOD (he's on his way he's busting thru Hollywood -- shouts out to Chaka Khan and Erykah Badu since we're also talking about resurrection).

Last time Hollywood entertained the thought of a Black upper class was in 1992 . . .

with my favorite movie of all time -- "Boomerang"

To a pre-teen child with the dreams of "doin' the damn thing" the cast ensemble was the dream come true (Robin Givens, Eddie Murphy, Halle Berry, Martin Lawrence (he is so fine -- just like wine, only gets better with time).


This was truly Bellini's first epiphany in life (this is important to know folks particularly as you get to know me -- and I don't mean Martin!!!).


I knew I was going to make it, 'cuz Marcus and 'em made it. I mean really, "Boomerang" set the stage -- we had the senior executives, board meetings, and budget numbers: everything that spells professional -- hence the word buppie. "Boomerang" confirmed buppies were in existence.

Now fast forward to 2007 and Tyler Perry hit a home run with "Why Did I get Married" coupled with a grade A stamp of buppyness -- just wonderful! But, why did it take 15 freakin' years for the resurrection of the buppie??? Oh, Hollywood -- isn't it mainstream America's problem if they can't identify with a black lawyer-- who also happens to be partner at the firm, black doctor with own flourishing practice (ask my girl from the NO New Orleans and she says that's not practical to accomplish a practice at age 36 -- but that's irrlevant), black architect who won the major contract, and black entrepreneurs (all roles portrayed in "Why Did I get Married"). Hmmm. . . I'm lovin' it . . . I mean did you see the fabulousness of the cast in furs???

Back to my point, the buppies are back and hopefully here to stay in Hollywood. Since, I'm always hearing Hollywood responds to numbers. . . HELLO -- "Why Did I get Married" was number 1 , so that means Hollywood owes consumers more movies reflecting buppyness. I mean as a certified buppy myself (and I dare someone to say I'm not), who rarely flocks to the movie theatres (surenly not opening weekend) I spent my money. Hollywood, please take in to consideration that these forthcoming buppy movies should continue to have substance (so thank you Reginal Hudlin and Tyler Perry). Other buppy movies that were brillant in content include "Eve's Bayou" (thanks to Kasi Lemmons too), but you have to be a sophistacated soul -- it's kind of deep, but surely you can handle the content.

"Why Did I get Married" has provided reaffirmation that other buppies exist. I think I can speak for the millions of buppies and buppies-in-training, by proclaiming that we're here to stay. So, as we go through our journey called life if you need inspiration just pop in Boomerang (I do have the VHS version haven't upgraded to DVD, just yet). Oh, and for the rest of the buppies out there continue to stay on your grind, but remember to stay humble as apple pie -- 'cuz Tyler Perry reminded we us that we are fabulous, but our shit still stinks on occasion!

Remeber Hollywood, I ain't going nowhere --I'm here to stay--

BUPPY FOR LIFE . . . . . . . .

Cheers,

Bellini