A Meeting in the Ladies Room

Did y’all know that Questlove and Black Thought of the incredible Roots crew don’t really like each other? Yes, apparently Things Fall Apart was more than an album title – it describes their relationship. They got into a fistfight whilst overseas in like 1997 or 98 and have never been cool since. But obviously, professionally, they can come together to get the job done. And make that money, honey.

I thought of this when I was watching one of the greatest shows ever – aka Unsung! (On TVone for those of you who don't know). And they were focusing on Klymaxx, the all female band. Basically after years of struggling and putting out albums that went nowhere, they finally caught their big break, had some major hits and then…things fell apart.

There were hurt feelings. And backstabbing. And votes to kick people out the group being taken behind folks back. And people being put out the group. It was a HUGE mess. And it all boils down to the fact that women don’t like confrontation. Don’t want to be honest with each other. Can’t say to someone’s face, “I know you the lead singer, but your swole pregnant ass can’t be up here on stage with us anymore. And we definitely ain’t gon’ be totin no baby round on the road.”

Yes, it sounds harsh. But better to get it out now, instead of having things implode later.

So, admittedly, I have been watching Jersey Shore on MTV (well up until like two weeks ago before life got hectic). Yes, there will be time for you to judge me later. Anyway. One of the roommate’s on again, off again boyfriend who also lives in the house with them was going to the club and kissing other girls. Two other chicks in the house knew this. The chick kept asking them what he was doing at the club. They kept being evasive. And then came up with the brilliant plan to write her a letter detailing his transgressions. As if she wouldn’t know it was her.

But anyone with sense who was watching (but why would you watch if you had sense) was probably like me, screaming at their TV, and being like, “JUST BE A GROWN WOMAN ABOUT YOURS AND TELL HER THE TRUTH!” And then let the chips fall where they may. Let her pick up the pieces. Let her confront him. But be woman enough to have truth as the starting place.

I’m sure there is some research about women’s brains and biological make-up that I could find if it weren't so late that would say that we are “wired” to be more emotional vs. logical. And all that jazz. But I wonder how much farther along we could be as a gender if we put emotions aside, didn't take things so personal, and just got the job done.

As someone who works in an organization that is 99.9% (white) women, I've witnessed up close - the sidesteps, the pleasantries, the frenemies, the smile in your face talk bout you while you walk away, the under non performing co-workers who are kept on because managers are too nice and don't want to do the dirty work and fire anyone. And I've seen black women (myself included) try to take the more direct approach, to call 'em out on their bullish, only to be labeled as angry, threatening, non cooperative. And it's a frustrating existence filled with lots of what the fuss!

So maybe this is women's lot in life. To be too nice. To care too much about what others think. To be unable to dislike and still work beside each other. But I hope not.

I hope we can raise up a generation of girls who become women, who can look each other in the eye, speak their mind, keep it honest, and then either walk away or work it out - from the board room to ladies room.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

finding what matters

6 months ago, i hated where i worked.  really hated it.  i loved what i was doing but i hated the environment: a poorly managed frat house masquerading as a non-profit organization.  and so i did what i always do when i start to hate my environment.  i look for the next exit.  the quickest out.  i sent out a few resumes and prayed for a change.  i complained to rum punch and mentally checked out of the office.

and then nothing happened.  there was no quick escape hatch.  no job opportunities forthcoming.  and i realized i was stuck.  at least for the immediate future.  before when i wanted an out, i found one within a few months.  but the economy had other plans.  God had other plans. 

i had to deal with my environment in a totally new way.  putting the people aside, why was i here?  why did i come here?  to try cases and to help people fight off the oppressive weight of the criminal justice system.  and that's what i needed to do.  focus on those 2 things.  do those and nothing else.  become so good at those things that they couldn't tell me nothing.  tune out everything and everyone else.

now this hasn't been easy because my work environment is full of bitchassness and incompetence.  i curse a lot of people out in my mind.  i send sarcastic yet polite emails to all that highlight the ridiculousness that is office (mis)management.  i pretty much do my thing and keep it moving.

and this week i did my thing really well.  i had trial every day of the week and despite a brief moment of doubt (and a few unnecessary tears) i prevailed.  my clients prevailed.  it was the most exciting, exhilarating and mentally exhausting week of my career.   and i loved it.  i love what i do.  and that's the most important thing.

Undercovers

yaaaayyy.. it's humpday wednesday... and to get me through the day NBC will debut "Undercovers". Now if you know nothing else Bellini is a renaissance woman - check the bio to the right. And loves the underground. So the series debut of 'Undercovers' has me piqued because the premise is intriguing bump what the NY Times wrote i would link it- but I ain't trying to dignify simple s***. considering I visited the International Spy Museum not too long ago - I am a primed spectator for this event. And it doesn't hurt that Boris is a decent actor evident by 'Soul Food' Showtime series. Sorry don't know much about the British actress, Gugu Mbatha-Raw. Please watch, especially if it's good. There is a dearth of good television and this may ameliorate current conditions, until the 'The Game' is back!

back to Undercovers

The series premise led by two black espionage agents, Steven (Boris Kodjoe) and Samantha (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) Bloom own Bloom Catering and rejoin the CIA posing as caterers. OMG, there are so many story plots that can evolve from this situation. JJ Abrams do not screw this up. You know for the most part most television series based on espionage have been pretty good (i.e. 'Alias', '24', 'The Unit' and I slept on the Unit and it was too late!). Anyhoo - you should be in for a treat. Don't forget to tell me what you think.

cheers,

Bellini

P.S. sorry about not providing the post on Chancellor Rhee and DC education, i need a raincheck

Finishing the Race

It might be because the seasons are changing, or the fact that we will soon be signing off the 5 spot, but I find myself wondering “What’s next?”

You know what I mean?

Think about all the things you have planned for yourself, from the initial formation of an idea to finally accomplishing what you set out to do. It’s quite a consuming and often laborious process. I remember during my senior year so much of my time, money and energy went into preparing for prom. There was finding a dress, finding a date, finding a limo, who’s going to chip in and pay for the limo, where are we eating dinner, who’s going to fix my hair and do my make-up? And then after months of preparation it was over. Just like that. There were so many things that needed to be taken care of! All this for just one night of my life! And what came next? Well graduation, college, and life- with all of it’s bells and whistles, highs and lows, joys and sorrows.

My pastor preached an excellent sermon a few weeks ago about answered prayers and it had me floored. I won’t get all preachy with ya’ll but he talked about a couple who had prayed for a child for years and years, had defined and even labeled their lives as the childless old couple. But when they finally conceived a child, and stood face to face with no longer being barren, but fruitful parents-they didn’t know how to act. I was on the floor because initially I was like how could they react anyway other than with joy?! But then I got to thinking about myself. Much of my twenties have been marked by, and dare I say I let these twenties be defined by my situations. The money I didn’t have, the debt I did have, the degrees I didn’t have, the job I wanted, the spouse I didn’t have and on and on. And now that I am at a point where things have changed, I don’t know how to act! What is one to do when once heavy burdens are lifted, and dreams are realized and promises fulfilled? It’s almost like when the slaves toiled in the South, were abused by their captors, fought for a freedom they had distantly hoped for and when they got that freedom-some wanted to stay on pickin’ master’s cotton! And as foolish as that is, I can understand it because for so long they knew nothing else.

And as people folks we can get use to certain things. The friends that don’t treat us right. The bosses that don’t appreciate what we do. The struggle to make ends meet. The carrot we’ve keep chasing. The plans that we keep making for that one day when… But little thought goes into what to do when the ends are meet, we grab that carrot and that one day arrives. It can be scary when we to come to that place where we get all that we hope for and deserve because it’s the unknown. After struggling for so long… After being abused for so long…After being a slave for so long… now what?

But I believe that change is the one thing we can count on in this here life of ours. And I am accepting the fact that we are (well let me just speak for me-I am) continual works in progress, being and becoming our best. And once a dream is realized, even if it took nearly a decade to get there, there is no need to fear what’s going to happen next! Why? Because you deserve to cross that finish line, grab your trophy, get your photo took…and then start planning how to win the next race.

See You In Seven

From girl to WOMAN

Today I told an old friend "REAL TALK: You have no idea what it is like to like someone who doesn't feel the same. It is a constant battle between the mind and your emotions. Lucky for you, I am a smart woman and not a hopeless romantic. Hopefully you can respect that."

Damn!

After I said it, I had to replay it for a minute in my mind. It's been a minute since I was that up front. Wasn't afraid of loosing anything and was willing to accept the consequences because it was the truth.

Niave is what I try not to be.

Honest with myself first and with others second is what I was striving for most times.

It wasn't easy to say but I had to let a brotha know... so the next time you reach out to me because you realize you haven't heard from me in a minute... remember what it is. There is a reason I probably don't call you anymore. Not because I dislike you but because I don't dislike you enough.

Today, I just didn't feel like being a girl and pretending that your words were genuine even though mind is telling me your actions are truth. Without even thinking about it I called myself a woman and just wasn't interested in purposefully hurting myself.

If you know what I am saying ? (chuckle)

Much luv until next week... peace :)