Pride and Prejudice

So depending on how much you care about HBCUs and civil rights and/or liberties, by now you that Morehouse College, the only HBCU in America for Black men has instilled a dress code for class and other campus events. Apparently the dress code is more about what you can’t wear instead of what you must wear. And what you can’t wear are: hats indoors (not bad), sagging pants (okkk I'm liking this) purses and dresses. SCREECHHHHH!!!!!

No purses? No dresses? This can’t really be a mandate, you ask. Oh but it is. So the blogosphere has been all atwitter with several views on this issue. You can check ‘em here. And here. And do a google search and find many more. Now, while I’m all about people’s self expression. I’m also in agreement with this dress code because I’m hearing from recent graduates and current students that it has gotten bad. Real bad, Michael Jackson. Heh. And students, aka the consumer, expressed their discomfort to administration of men rolling up to 8am classes in skinny jeans and pumps.

But this post isn’t even really about the dress code. Or self expression. It’s about why do Black gay men gotta be so extra with theirs? I mean honey we know you are gay from 100 miles away, in your sleep – do you need to be rocking those stilettos? As soon as I heard about the dress code and what was not allowed – I got a visual of what must be happening and it looks a little something like this:

Only what I really envisioned was 10 times worse, but I got tired of trying to find the image I had in my mind of flamboyant gay men during spring break in Daytona Beach. But I can relate to the Morehouse students cause I see it all the time in DC. Youngins’ takin over the block in droves, struttin through Chinatown in pumps and weaves. And I wanna be like is that what being gay means to you? That's a problem. And so I know it’s way worse in the A, gay Black man capital of dare I say the world. Don’t believe me? Ladies, go to Lenox Mall on a Saturday and get your feelings hurt.

And I know we all go through our period of self definition and expression, but I wonder, why gay Black men gotta be doing the most? Compare and contrast Cyrus from the show King of the Crown on TLC.
And Derek J, who has made guest appearances on Housewives of Atlanta.

Ummm....

Now, I think it’s safe to say that we all could have guessed Cyrus is gay without him even opening his mouth. Or putting on a dress. And while I’m obviously not a homosexual, it seems that Black homosexuality is becoming a little one note – donning Gucci/Louis/Seven, wearing stilettos, and uttering catch phrases like, “fierce” and “you better work, bytch!”

It’s the man who sews my weave and then puts in some tracks of his own. It’s Dwight on Housewives with the arched eyebrows and the fussiness (although even he remarked he didn’t do the heels thing). It's Luther Vandross. Soft and effiminate. Non threatning. It’s “safe” because it’s in your face. And you know exactly what you're getting. And us black folk don’t like our gay men to be “regular”, blending into the crowd and such. While at Spelman, I recall a Morehouse student saying, “I don’t wanna know the guy I play basketball is gay.” Ahhhh yess.

And yet it’s not “safe” because as my mama would say, “everyone’s not ready for that" in your face, deal with who I am attitude. And so "rules" of conformity are set & enforced and people feel like they can't be themselves. But more importantly it's not "safe" cause it's a caricature. I echo someone who commented to the root article and ask - where are this generation's James Baldwins? Bayard Rustins? Countee Cullens? Am I the only one who thinks their voices should be a little louder? That they should set the tone. But maybe I need to be more hip to the homosexual happenings, cause I mean I'm sure they exist. But that ain't what I see on a daily basis. What I see is this:

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Just for Kicks!

growing out too soon?

this sunday's new york times magazine will feature a story about tweens coming out of the closet. the piece shares the stories of middle students across america who are openly homosexual and accepted by their parents and peers.

Austin doesn’t have to play “the pretend game,” as he calls it, anymore. At his
middle school, he has come out to his close friends, who have been supportive. A
few of his female friends responded that they were bisexual. “Half the girls I
know are bisexual,” he said. He hadn’t planned on coming out to his mom yet, but
she found out a week before the dance. “I told my cousin, my cousin told this
other girl, she told her mother, her mother told my mom and then my mom told
me,” Austin explained. “The only person who really has a problem with it is my
older sister, who keeps saying: ‘It’s just a phase! It’s just a phase!’ ”

source

the idea of a 12 or 13 year old coming out to the world and proclaiming themselves gay makes me feel ________. i haven't quite worked out what that blank means. for sure, the heteronormative behavior of your average 12 or 13 year old is not examined, critizied or ridiculed. that is to say that when the average 12 or 13 year old has a crush on the opposite sex or becomes coupled up, eyebrows aren't raised quite as high. although on a side rant, i think they should be since kids that age should be focused on scholastic endeavors and not on romantic entanglements. however i think coming out at such a tender age is dangerous. for what do kids at that age know about any thing, most especially their sexuality? in pushing for equality and equal rights have we steamrolled the growth process of young children; the period when youth need the moral standards of their parents to guide them through the times of uncertainty and experimentation that can be the tween and teen years? the article provides some interesting insight.

what say ya'll?

Walk Like a Man?

So I attend the school of thought that Tyler Perry and John Legend (to name a few), despite their best efforts to prove otherwise, are gay. Of course I could be wrong. But for the sake of argument, let’s say that I could, possibly be right. Why do I think these things?

1. Way back when John Legend first came out (ha ha – no pun intended), a few of us girlfriends attended his concert in D.C. And let me tell y’all that place was full of gay men. I mean they came in droves! Droves! Now this was when Holla, Holla, Holla aka Used to Love Her had gotten some air play and Ordinary People was sounding cute and fuzzy and not what it eventually became – annoying. So people knew who he was, but they ain’t really know who he was. Anyway. Back to my point. The children had come out, for what I always thought, was to support one of their own. Cause you know they can tell their own. I mean they were rolling deep. Now I know it’s common to see gay Black men in groups in Metropolitan cities, particularly in Lenox Mall on a Saturday afternoon in ATL, but this was something unprecedented-the crowd ranged from the flaming, two snaps and a circle to the ones you would never have suspected. Until you saw him next to his "friend" who had on some skinny jeans and smedium t-shirt.

2. There is a scene in Why Did I Get Married when Tyler Perry switches his hips up the stairs. Get the movie. Check for it. You can't miss it. Pause it. And watch it in slow motion. And then laugh.

3. Tyler Perry is (again) on the cover of Essence Magazine and the caption says something about finding Mrs. Right. So, I say to my granny the other night, “how come we have to keep hearing about Tyler Perry looking for Mrs. Right? Anytime you have to put it out there so much, and emphasize the fact that your search for Mrs. Right is soo difficult because of your schedule, you make too much money, you want a real down home woman who reminds you of your mama but looks like a model, can fry fish with one hand behind her back, has got her own thing, doesn't want you for your money, yada, yada, yada, you are gay. Cause you know who else used to do that? Luther Vandross!” Oh my granny busted out laughing and said, “you true, you true.” Let me tell y’all I remember an Oprah Winfrey episode where Luther showed his house, his furniture, his fancy china that he used to eat grits. And at the end of the segment, he said, “Oprah now all I need is a woman to share this with!!” Snaps. And laughter from my 11-year-old belly. Even at my young age I knew there was something wrong with that statement.

And yet what if Tyler Perry and John Legend are not gay? What if they just don’t fit into the stereotypical ideals of [straight] manhood? I mean John Legend is an Ivy League grad, mayhap he is just well read and soft spoken. And Tyler Perry could just be a Southern boy, raised by Ma'dear and his aunties. And we all remember Kanye West's comment about him being called a sissy because he had taken on his mama's aka feminine ways 'cause that's all he knew...

So what am I looking for a man who has his backhand up ready to prove he can smack a b***h? That's not what I was raised around. I should know better. In my own life, I have had men accuse men close to me of being gay because they seem “soft” or “gentle” or not hard core. I even know a woman who told me girls continually told her son in high school, “I don’t want to go out with you. You’re too nice. You won’t try anything with me.” Hmmm… I would be remissed if I didn't mention the man I saw on Bringing Home Baby the other day: jerry curlish (I'm thinking dyed) auburnish/blondish hair, had that lilt in his voice, and a flick in his wrist, but was bringing home his seventh child. Now in my eyes he was clearly gay. But in the eyes of the at least three women he had laid down with, he was what?

In these ever changing times where the lines of race, gender, sexual orientation are blurred and fuzzy, what is the measure of a [straight] man? How do we define manhood in an age when so many Black men weren't raised by their fathers and may not have the stereotypical male mannerisms? Are women passing up potentially good men, because their girlfriends are buzzing in their ears, saying "that man has some suga in his tea?" I mean if a John Legend or Tyler Perry type approached me, with all the right credentials, great personality, and nothing but love and adoration for Rum Punch would I dismiss him completely because of my own ideas of manhood vs. mannerisms, homosexuality vs. heterosexuality, stereotypes vs. reality? I wonder...

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

P.S. If you’re going to be in the D.C. area for MLK Day on Jan. 19, head over to Peoples Congregational United Church of Christ at 4704 13th Street, NW for the best MLK Program ever! The program starts at 12 p.m. and will feature acts from around the world! A red carpet pre-inaugural party will follow! You don't wanna miss it!