before i jump out the window, what's your name?

ladies, you ever meet a guy and the next thought that crosses your mind is what ya'll's babies will look like?  no.  ok guess that's just me.  i have this thing where my relationship speedometer goes from 0 to 100 in 60 seconds. lit-trally!  i think about what kinda father he would make, how good (or horribly sweaty) he'd be in bed, what he'll look like when he turns 72, all within a very short time of meeting the man.  and as in the case of kirk, youngin and a whole bunch of other nigs, they usually don't last till they next birthday, let alone 72. 

then i have to systematically throw out all the day dreams and fantasies useless information i had in my head about the possibilities.  i feel a wee bit of shame about this.  cause i know it's not right.  but it's okay.  i'm gonna make it anyway.

but, good people of the 5spot, how do i stop doing it?

i tried telling myself to have no expectations.  i'm unimpressed.  underwhelmed.   i'm just shaking your hand mr. man and saying hi.  that didn't work.  at all.

see i am an optimist.  i see the glass as full and overflowing with the goodness of life in abundance.  when i apply for a job, i don't worry about whether i will get an interview, i contemplate whether i will accept or reject an offer. and so it is with the men i meet. but it's not like step 3 is getting on one knee and propose.  it's all in my mind.  so it's all good.  right? 

and hey some very famous guys seem to suffer from the same affliction.  exhibit A:  ted mosby.  dude says i love you on the first date and thinks that every girl just might be the one.  ok, ok, he's fictional but all characters are based in truth.  what about jay-z?  he wrote a whole song about it.  artists always speak the truth.  it's the reeeallllll hip-hop!

or is it?  what say ya'll?

Love Is Blind?

So good readers of the 5 spot what would you do in total and complete darkness? Would you dress yourself? Eat a dinner? Date?

I really wanted to see ABCs Dating in the Dark last night, but I got into the book I was reading and totally forgot that it was on. But aside from being a “reality” tv lover and a gal who enjoys hearing couples’ “the story of us” I just wondered what it would be like for people to meet without knowing what the other looked like. Now would I be so bold and brazen to meet someone in complete darkness and attempt to share the goodness that is Amaretto? Probably not. Having eaten dinner at a restaurant in total darkness, I can say that the experience is completely disorienting and messy…and then you get use to it…and then you go back to your life being able to see what’s in front of you and you appreicate how much easier eating becomes.

I definitely can’t say that I am the type of well adjusted un-shallow person who could hold on to how much my date made me laugh when I finally see that he has an eye patch and no front teeth. Could I really take one eyed Willy to the meet the family or even just outside into the light of the world? Me thinks not. Because we need things to make sense when we see couples and hear their stories. Life makes sense we when we see two attractive people together or two ugly people together, but we start to wonder what’s good when a dime is with a penny. We think something just ain’t right, screw personality and a sense of humor someone’s either got have the best sexual abilities EVER or someone’s gotta have a trust fund. Period.

And while I submit that the blind citizens of the world probably have the best relationships with people in their circles…it seems that Dating in the Dark’s gimmick is the great moment of reveal! Will the connection remain after seeing what they connected to? The viewer gets to delight in hearing the contestant go on and on about mister or miss wonderful all the while knowing that based on appearances no amount of maturity will keep the constant thinking how dreamy they are. It all rather like a Greek tragedy. Seeing someone in the light makes all the difference in the world. I think that says a lot about society and people and a whole bunch of other things about this world we live in… but Dating in the Dark makes for great television and I can’t wait to watch it next week!

See You In Seven

Excuse Me Miss...

So the other night I was standing outside waiting for the bus when this dude approached me. Let me set the stage. I’m about 5’8 in flats 5’11 in heels-and I’m almost always in heels, so anyone who approaches me must at least come up to my shoulder for basic consideration of their game spitting. But this dude, this old man rather-who later revealed that he had a daughter two years younger than myself, was eyeball to eyeball with my bobsey twins. A good look for him…but definitely not for me. Not to mention that he had a jelly belly that was the by product of too many chicken wings and Colt 45. And really I just wanted the bus to come so I could continue on with my life. But noooooooooooooo! This man proceeds to speak to me like I owe him my number just because he asked for it.

Saaaaaaaaaay what?

Creepy Old Dude: (walking past…breaks neck to speak) Hello.
Unsuspecting Amaretto: Hello.
COD: I think I’ve seen you around here before.
UA: Probably, I live around here.
COD: Yeah I saw you on Thursday night. You had on all black.
UA: Probably. (I think to myself that I always wears black)
COD: Well I’m 90 percent sure I saw you. You had on black boots and you walked from that direction. I’m not 100 percent sure, but I’m 90 percent sure that was you.
UA: (getting increasing uncomfortable by the admission of stalker-like tendencies) Cool.
COD: Yeah I know I saw you. I was stilling right here and I saw you walk by. So you stay with your man or something?
UA: Uh. No. (kicking myself at my decision to be honest)
COD: So what do you think about us hanging out sometime. Can I get your number?
UA: (deciding to let old playa down easy and not be the typical DC metro chick with attitude) Um maybe next time. (wondering where the fcuk the bus is)
COD: Next time? (raises voice) Why don’t you give me your number now? Next time means you ain’t trying to give it to me. That’s so fcuked up man.
UA: (Thinks Duh genius) Well, I don’t feel comfortable giving it out.
COD: Well you know there are some crazy people around here. And let’s say I see you in trouble with one of these people around here, they trying to rape you and I see you and I’m like you know what, maybe next time I’ll help her. She said she’d give me her number next time. (Stares Amaretto down with increasingly crazy eyes)
UA: Okay. (wants to run screaming into the night until the bus finally arrives. Throws up deuces from secure window bus seat but wonders when the world got like this, and folks stop being polite)

So the incident got me to thinking about perception. I had already decided that COD did not meet my height nor age requirements so I wasn’t going to give him a chance. And therefore I was mildly annoyed by our continued conversation until COD was able to tell me what I ate for breakfast and I got scared. But let’s just say that COD was a Sexy Tall Dude. Ohhhh yea, if an STD said that he saw me from his bushes would I have been as weirded out? I might have even called my BFF and told her how romantic STD was (I know chicks are crazy like this). Told her how amazing I thought it was that STD laid in wait in foliage for me, risking barb and briar, and baiting his breath for the opportunity just to see me. Little ole me! But what’s the difference really? I mean for all I know a COD would be the best thing for me while an STD could have the internal thoughts of a sociopath.

I know that it’s hard out there for us adults to make friends with new folks. Gone are the days where you could pass a “Do you like me” note in class. Or stare at that cutie at the school dance. And while I appreciate those bold and brazen folks out there like COD who decide to put it all out there and take that risk…as a single female living in the city I have to reserve the right to tell you no and at times hell no! But you shouldn’t call me outside my name or wish me ill will because my momma told me never to talk to strangers. I don’t know you, nor want to know you. And that’s just the way of the world...don't take it personally.

See You In Seven