that new new for you

"A NEW boyfriend has a way of putting into stark relief the pros and cons of a predecessor."
--catherine saint louis for the nytimes.

truer words ya'll, truer word. although ms. saint louis was using the joys and trials of relationships to illustrate the rising appeal of ulta, a less expensive alternative to cosmetics giant sephora, she really hit nail to head.

you know how you get done dealing with someone, but not really done mulling them over in your mind? you do the facebook check every few days. a lil twitter stalking. or as in the olden days, you lie in bed and go over every conversation you can remember. every moment ya'll spent together. dissecting each look, each word, each smile, each touch.

until that moment...

when you spring up in bed in the middle of the night
when you see them on the street in the light of newfound awareness of the wack factor
when you minding your own business at the bar and a fine ass walks up to you and says hello

until that moment right there when you say to yourself

WHAT.THE.FUCK.WAS.I.THINKING?

why was i so open. why did i think i was so in like (or love) with him. he wasn't even alladat. he was just a basic bitch (c) @lilduval.

when i had my moment a few months ago, it made me laugh. and now ever time i see dude i just chuckle (c) courvorsier deep in my soul.

now i'm not so much bitter or angry. but please believe, in the moment when it was done i was kinda mad and hurt. more so cause i like to be the one ending shit round these parts. nigga you don't leave me. i leave you first. i know, i'm conceited, i got a reason.

but here's what i know for sure. more likely than not, there will be a new boyfriend. not only because i'm the hotness but because men try to holla at anything and everything one will prolly try to holla at me at some point in the future. and when one such dude tries to holla, i may kinda like him. and he'll kinda like me and we'll become boo'd up. and undoubtedly the new boo will provide an opportunity for vivid contrast and comparison to the last. and so being an expectant optimistic girl in a pessimistic world, the possibility of the new makes me so aaa-cited!!! (c) ruby. for the good and for the bad. i'll know that old brand of bullshit when i see it a little sooner than the last time. and i'll savor the sweet way he calls just to talk to me about my day a little longer because the last dude didn't.

and that, my dears, is why forever gon be fun (c) cee-lo green.

if I could turn back the hands of time....

My life has been good. I’ve seen some good days and I’ve seen some not so good days. I’m sure I sound like an old granny sitting in my rocker remembering my heyday but when contemplating what I would tell my younger self if I could go back in time, I slipped into a sentimental mood. My first thought was to create a little tape that would constantly play in my head of only the most important things I'd need to know...

Don’t slouch. Stand up straight.

Speak strongly. Walk confidently.

Don’t doubt yourself. Love others unconditionally.

Quit studdin’ him. He will never change.

Love your face. It is beautiful.

I wouldn’t steer her/me down a different path. Every choice, for better or worse, has led me to this point. Then I scratched that plan because I know her/me and you can show her/me better than you can tell her/me. I have bumped my head on the same low ceiling fiftyleven times before changing my ways.

But I'd have to say something, just one thing that might sink in. So I would scream this:

The mistake of optimistic people is not in expecting too much of the future but in expecting too little from the present. --Tyler

And that would sum it up. For I’ve been known to speed through life. To be so excited about the next step that I missed the one in front of me. As I drift off to sleep, I often nightdream about some plan I have for the next month or year. When things aren’t going so well, I comfort myself with thoughts of shiny pretty new things. This has served me well, making me a generally agreeable and pleasant person. But I have gotten lost in that sometimes, to the detriment of present day living. The savoring of each moment.

So I'd tell her/me to do that. every second of every minute of every day. That's what I'd tell younger me.