Left Behind in '09

So every year Barbara Walters lists her 10 most fascinating people of the year and every year I talk about starting a new or life improvements around the week of my birthday, but since this is my last post for the '09 it only seem fitting that I say see you next year in true Courvoisier fashion. I have noticed a friend of mine always uses the phrase I am not taking that into the new year and for this last post, I have decided to discuss who and sometimes what will be taken into the new year.

FOCUS - 5 - FRIENDS - FASHION - LOVE - HEALTH -MUSIC - ART - FAITH

First on the list, Cable... yup! You will not be taken into the new year. You know why? After living without you for a few months and being at one with myself, I realized that you are a true distraction. Which leads me into what will be going into the new year. FOCUS! Focus you are more than welcomed in 20-10. This pass year has been one where I have searched and struggled to find you. And now that I finally have you where you should be I am not leaving you behind.

Last year I was grateful for a lot of things and I have to say the list still remains... all of these things are going into 2010 with even more love and appreciation. Which me leads me to... how blessed I am to be taking 5andapossible into next year. We have all developed a bond and appreciation for each over this last year, one that I can't imagine leaving behind. Writing with you guys has opened up a part of my personality that I didn't even believe existed. Seems like I have been with you guys much longer than September '08. And let's not forget our followers... thanks for reassuring me I was crazy but not within functioning reason. (chuckle)

Friends: This year, I made many friends but not every year do I meet a person who I think will probably be around for a long time. This year in addition to my closest girlfriends, I believe I have found another. Let's just say, if I walk the aisle again... the bridesmaid count just went up by one. (chuckle) 2009 also marks the year that I say goodbye to 5 people who have played a role in my life, Emmaline, Tom, Ta-Gia, Francis and Rodney Jr. All of you parted so unexpectedly, I will love you always. XOXOXO

Fashion: For as long as I could remember, I thought fashion was the ultimate self-expression without having to say a word. I love it! Yes, I know we shouldn't judge a book by it's cover but believe, the outer gives a hint. I will continue to be neat, not necessarily trendy in 20-10, maybe a little bit more expressive or shall I say more CONFIDENT. (yes, that is possible for those who know me.) Self love.

Love, I'll say it again... LOVE, you will not be left behind. This is sad news for 2009 booty calls (chuckle). LOVE rules in 2010! I am going to love new and freely. No more entertaining the crazy for the fun of it. It really isn't that fun... especially when you are focused and these experiences become distractions. I knew you didn't fit from the beginning yet I still would play with you like a cat with it's mouse. It seems has if it has resulted in the same fatal end. Choosing in 2010 not to mislead you anymore. (chuckle)

Health: This year I was able to stay committed to my health. Although the last two months have been trying... I am taking my best practices into the new year regardless. Many don't have this option... I shouldn't take mine for granted.

Music: Without question you are not being left behind. Are you kidding me? You keep me going on the treadmill, you influence my swag, I could go on and on forever. So who from 09 will I enjoy most still in the 10. There seems to be a few givens that came out this year Maxwell, Mos Def and Melanie Fiona. The one that doesn't seem to disappear and embodies the spirit of my recent attitude towards my artwork is Fela Kuti. Fela you have influenced a lot music I already love, it only seems right that you go into the new year. Your rhythms speak straight to my spirit!

Where there is music, there is art! Without any of things mentioned thus far there would be no art for me. They all enable me to create. Hence you will not be left behind art... no more words needed. (There is no shame in this plug... chuckle)

And lastly, Faith. I am taking you into the new year because without you, everything else is pointless!

Much luv until next year... peace :)

It's bigger than you and I

Over the weekend, my cousin matriculated and received her MBA. It was truly a family affair. The Bellini clan was very proud, we partied, popped champagne, and spread the love with friends. My Dad roasted my cousin, reminder her and attendees that this moment is bigger than all of us. And that we must take things for granted and strive to improve conditions for ourselves and look out for others. Have you ever seen the movie Annapolis (starring Tyrese) and the scene in the beginning where the character Marcus Nance is thumbing through the slides on his lap top – looking at home. The pride the town –not just the family- felt that he was accepted in a prestigious institution. That’s how it is for the Bellini clan. So, the spiel I hear all the time -- has resonated with me a long time ago – since I was little girl. Now what has dawned on me the older I’ve gotten is that my existence is an anomaly. What’cha ya saying Bellini?

It was not until I reached college, that I realized how far we have to come. Remember back when I shared that my bread ‘n’ butter major is political science – well of the classes I took to satisfy my major’s requirements—oftentimes than not I was the only person of color in a sea of white folks. Now, if you know me that is not problematic – that’s been the story of my life. But, what I didn’t realize is that for many of us – we are used to being amongst each other and everyone else composes our periphery (i.e. the mainstream). And that we either feel out of place, ashamed, and/or yet inferior to our surroundings. Here’s a situation that still haunts me today.

Last year I traveled to Chicago for work, I had dinner on the southside – after being the minority /anomaly all day, I needed reacclimation with my kinfolk. As I order a martini as an ice breaker, so I could mellow out. I remember all the stares I received maybe be’cuz I was young Bellini has a baby face, dining alone, and in business suit. Folks seemed to have trouble grasping their minds around the image. I’m not sure why – (on a sidenote- I remember sharing my encounter w/ dark’n’stormy and she was like why did you eat alone implying why I didn’t dine with my colleagues—well, a girl has to eat on company travel or not, second I had decided days prior to my trip that I was dining on the southside and I didn’t bother to invite colleagues I’m trying to wine down and not be pc about shit all night.

So, my waitress decides to ask the burnin’ question. And I told her my profession, why I was in town, blah, blah… She then shares she’s in school tryin’ barely holding on… that she has no family support. Family is undermining her goals and wasn’t sure if she should push on. My mouth dropped to the floor not be’cuz I know everyone didn’t grow up the way I did, but be’cuz the stakes were too high for her. And that I knew she needed a conviction to finish and that usual place to receive such affirmation comes from the home and that she couldn’t obtain support from there. Damn.

I have never felt so hopeless in my life. To add insult to injury all my business cards were in my hotel room—I can’t recall if I gave her my mobile? She couldn’t see the light at the end of tunnel and you know what happens why you don’t have faith—you will retreat. And I attempted to stress to her to not give in too temptation. That life ain’t easy, that her soul needed her to finish ‘cuz she knew deep down inside she was making the right decision. And yet, I’ve also learned in life that some messages must come from certain people or else risk having no significance at all. It’s sad, but that’s a stark truth I’ve come to accept, but that doesn’t mean it absolves my responsibility from inspiring hope and droppin’ jewels of knowledge ‘cuz if I don’t who will. Are you? Now, Bellini is not hear to preach, it just ain’t my style, but please remember shit is bigger than you and I.

cheers,

Bellini