Adults Only

So a funny thing happened when I asked my Dad to gift me some money for this piece of property I am trying to acquire with da bank. He asked if the young man he met at the property over the weekend would be moving in as well. Um seriously, daddy?! Hell no! There are no rings, and at less than 700 square feet I am essentially living in a closet. And beyond all that-he’s got his own and I don’t do stupid trash like that! But my dad simply stated that you never know and he as a father and me being his only child-just had to ask. And I guess so, because in these days and times women often suspend logic, reason, good and common sense all to make relationships work.

Rum’s post had me popping my neck saying all sorts of hell no’s I’ll never stand with a foolish man…when for real for real you never know what you are or aren’t going to do until you are in that situation, until you have become part of a we. But then again, there are some things that you just know about yourself. Just like if I am a well to do woman I think it will be hard for me not to see if Target has something on Sale. Even if I can support a 3rd world country with the money in my bank account it will be hard for me to pay full price for things…but we shall see right?

I’ve concluded that this relationship thing is more art than science, there are no if/then clauses when dealing with folks. But I just love watching the legal eagle judge shows in which a teary eyed young woman pleads her case against Mister Shiftless, Mister Baby I just thought it was a gift, Mister I’m going to live in your place but cheat in your bed because we never sign no papers. Girl what were you thinking? Was he worth the sacrifice? As a good Pastor said on Saturday night, folks should stop playing house after age 5! Preeeeach! Because when you live this life, work your job, try to make a dollar out of 15 cents you realize its hard out here for pimps and regular folk alike. While I don’t have a problem helping someone out if they catch me right after payday, I do have a problem with you showing up on my doorstep every other Friday cause that’s when we get paid.

We? Um nope, it’s just me.

While I am not building houses or saving lives for a living, it takes a lot for me to get up in the morning, get dressed and shuck and jive with the man and my coworkers to get my little check. It takes a lot for me to act how a must and not how I feel, and keep my internal monologue internal. To go along to get along in the world of working. It takes a lot when you realize that you do need to work to live and you just can’t quit because the job sucks like you did when you were 16. Cause that’s what this real adult thing is about- having responsibilities and not complaining about it because who doesn’t? And maturity often causes us to slay our whining and helps us to learn to deal with life responsibly.

I assured my dad that I stopped playing house a loooooong time ago. And then I thanked him for helping me get further into adulthood!

See You In Seven

A Filtered Kind of Life

When I was three years old, I told a cashier at Kmart that we were leaving to go to a store with better stuff! My mom likes to share this tale along with other adventures starring me using curse words and telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. And usually there is laughter, because afterall kids say the darndest things… But the average adult, who doesn’t have Turrets syndrome, has to filter what they think down to something nice and polite that makes people feel warm, fuzzy and sugary. And sometimes that just sucks!

Now let me tell ya’ll where I’m coming from. I’m coming from a place of working with people at my J-O-B. Rum Punch wrote about this struggle we have with ourselves under our masks at work. And I always joke that on my last day at any job-Imma just let my soul glow and say exactly what I have always been thinking. Yet in my life and times I have resigned from quite a few jobs and never once I have said anything unfiltered.

And it makes me sad that I can’t be that free. You understand that children and the aged have a freedom that us folks left in the middle ages miss and look forward to. And it also makes me hate on people who didn’t get the maturity memo and still tell it like it T I tis! We all have had run ins with those type of teeth sucking, lip smacking and neck rolling people.

*sigh*

If only I could tell my boss that I think she’s a freaking idiot and I know she’s full of bull----! Or just school the coworker who couldn’t figure out how to unjam the printer and asked me how to do it. I’m sorry do I look like the manufacturer? Do I look like an office equipment fixer upper person? I look at Excel spreadsheets with numbers all day. I would have to fiddle and read instructions the same as you would. A Magic negro I am not!

But I can’t say these things. Well out loud anyways. Because somewhere I was taught to be polite, though I don’t remember my parents telling me not to tell adults with coffee breath to back up a few paces, I just know not to do it. Somehow I’ve learned that I have to go along just to get along. To run my thoughts and feelings through a strainer so that the real me doesn’t seep out and make somebody cry and maybe improve themselves.

And though I want to be free, I don’t want someone telling me about myself unfiltered. I don’t want to experience that level of honesty…and that’s the pure truth.

See You In Seven

chronicles of the generational divide, vol.i

There was a 50/50 chance that I would write this post. But after reading an op-ed from one of my favorite and respected journalists, Deborah Mathis – I felt compelled to clear the air so to speak. She rationalizes that there is logic to the words Reverend Jesse Jackson Senior whispered. The generational divide is deep and wide and I know MLK Jr. is restless in his grave.

For starters, who the hell says that they want to castrate somebody? Men do you all talk like this? The whole statement sounds awkward to me. It is irrelevant on which program it was said – for those of you that are more irritated that the comment was said on Fox News you are clearly missing the point. And the fact that Jesse Jackson, Jr. had to give Dad a public lashing… Hope is alive and well after all.

There is a generational divide that is undermining the resiliency of our communities. Mathis asserts that the Reverend is justified in his rebuke of Barack Obama’s speech on personal responsibility be’cuz the mainstream is cupable in the lack of opportunities for black men . Deborahhhhh… We will not absolve personal responsibility of an adult and perpetuate the acceptance of that behavior running amok. Folks, when we will say enough is enough. Do you know how many friends I have that were reared fatherless? They are bitter, confused, indifferent by virtue of that experience. This goes for men and women. And for many all they desired was their presence, interaction, communication—basic tenets of fatherhood. What the hell does white folks have to do with that?

I have much respect for the ole’ guard, but the ole’ guard must admit they are complicit in the problem. You can’t point the finger when you witnessed your birthright dismiss their responsibilities. Now we can’t rewind the clock – time wait’s for no one, but we can decide to move forward and learn from our past. And in moving forward we must share the history: the good, the bad, and the ugly. What I tend to hear in the ole’ guard’s dialogue to us is that we come from nothing, Jim Crow, sharecropper evolved to boycotts, sit-ins, marches, water hoses, integration … and now the future is ours. That recount is true but share the mistakes and lessons learned along the way. And Barack is correct when he states, "So yes, we have to demand more responsibility from Washington... And yes, we have to demand more responsibility from Wall Street. But we also have to demand more from ourselves."

cheers,

Bellini