Stand By Your Man?

So we had a church meeting last Sunday to discuss buying a house adjacent to the church property. If we bought the house, the church would to put it in simple terms, own the entire block. Now, for a majority of the church members, this seemed like an easy decision – at least buy the house, so you can have the land – cause like Oprah say, “land is the one thing God’s not making any more of.” But because we’re colored and humans beings who come in different shapes and sizes (heh), there were your naysayers.

So this one man, a major naysayer, takes the mic and goes on this crazy rant about how he has a problem with us wanting to "control the block” and then pretty much calls us racist (the reason why is a whole ‘nother story). Yeah the entire room was like huh? Excuse? Oh no he didn’t – we may be in church now, but wait till we get outside.

So anyway. Because we’re church folk dealing with money, there was more discussion than there ever needed to be. And then we finally voted by standing up. The yays went first. And then the nays. So of course major naysayer man stands up to vote no. And then in another pew, I see his wife standing. And I’m like, WORD?!? And I’m sitting there wondering, do you really agree with him lady or you just standing cause you don’t want him to look foolish on his own? Cause for real, only a handful of other folk voted no. And by handful, I mean 2 other people.

When I discussed this later on with my, been married for 36 years mama, she was all, “the wife had to stand. Cause she had to go home with that man. And so to keep the peace, sometimes you have to stand.” And then she continued with, “but please believe the whole church was thinking just what you were thinking.” Oh hell naw shawty, I say. Well not really, cause I don’t talk to my mama like that. But I did say, “Oh no. Ain’t no way I coulda stood in agreement on that mess. I woulda had to take him outside and we woulda had to have a come to Jesus moment in the bathroom." “No,” my mama said, “it don’t work like that.”

Say whaat?!? So much to learn! And I don’t even have any prospects to practice on. Tee hee. I told my mom and everyone else in the room, “Well then I ain’t ready.” Cause are you seriously telling me that I would have to put away some of my tongue clucking, neck rolling and ‘nygga you musta lost your mind if you think we gon…', just so we could look like a team? From the view from here, that don’t look right. From the view from here, this looks like a muzzle being put on my opinions and true feelings about a situation. Like I don't have a brain. Or an education. Or the right to vote. Lol. And from my single girl perspective I’m on some ain’t no way that I could ignore reason and common sense, just to boost my man’s ego. Just to support his point of view. Just to keep peace at home.

I mean of course there’s the possibility that she actually did agree with him. But something in my spirit tells me that she was trying to save face for him. That even if she thought that he was dead wrong, that at the end of the day, him means them. And them is a team. So if he's going down with the ship, she's going to have to at least throw him a life vest, so he doesn't drown –in public. But I wonder what happened on the ride home. Did she tell him, “ok you made your point, now you gon’ have to let this go?” Did she rub his back and say baby it'll be ok? Did she put it on him when they got home to take his mind off things? Heh. We see where my mind goes.

How do you navigate these choppy marital waters, knowing that making the "wrong", seemingly unsupportive decision could send y'all in a completely different difection? And when is it support and when is it looking like a fool? I guess the obvious answer is that you don't know what to do until you're in it for real. Until you're part of a team - and know the value of your team and don't want to have to make any trades. And so I guess there comes a time when every woman realizes to make it work, you betta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, when to walk away and when to run.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!