And You Say She's Just A Friend

From time to time I enjoy watching old Sex and The City episodes on On Demand. The other day I caught one from an earlier season when Carrie and Big were just beginning to do their little two step of drama. And aside from realizing that Carrie was always neurotic, needy and crazy, I also realized that Mr. Big was a ho. In this episode Carrie comes in contact with three different women from Mr. Big’s real live little black book. First, she finds him on a date with a woman (since he and Carrie were not yet “exclusive”) and the other two women (who she meets while she and Big were at a party) allude to previous sexual encounters and out of town trips with him while Carrie was standing right there. Talking about, "You still have my sunglasses from when we went to Rio De Janeiro..." What the hell? Of course Carrie being Carrie acts like a crazy person. And Mr. Big is pretty much like “What? It ain’t my fault. I’m just friendly.” I’m paraphrasing of course, but you get it.

Now to be clear when I say ho, I’m not talking about a man who’s a cheater. I’m talking about a man who has enjoyed the pleasure of a lot of ladies. And a lot is obviously a relative term. So when I say ‘a lot’ think of that number that when you hear it, it would give you pause, make you be like say what now, make you say, “I ain't fucking him until he gets tested three times”. So maybe the women this new man in your life has slept with were just one night stands, or maybe they were regular jump offs, or maybe they were women he dated for a few months and took on great trips and bought shoes for, or maybe they were in actual relationships with them (a whole lotta relationships). No matter the who, what when, where of the encounter, what happens when you continue to run into women that this man you’re currently dating has been with? And even if he denies it or tries to play it off, you know when someone has been fucking. It’s all there in the body language, the tension, the spoken and unspoken, the nervous laughter, the woman’s glare or coy smile, etc, etc.

And what if you meet a man, as Always Funky Fresh so eloquently put it one time who is a social ho? You know the type, when he walks into the room, all the women know him because he has a tendency to want to make himself known. And while maybe you learn that he’s only slept with 10% of the women in the room and is just “friends” with the other 90%, you still feel slightly uncomfortable or uncertain or incredulous because... How do you really know? How can you really be sure? And can it really be that this man who is oh so fine and credentialed just happens to know all these women but hasn't slept with the majority of them? And does it really matter?

As Mint Julep pointed out last week, by the time you get to be a certain age, the new person in your life who has caught your eye has been with at least one other person. But when does it become too many other persons? And how would you feel if at every function y'all went to, you were always coming face-to-face with a blast from his past? Could you handle it? Would you be bold enough to ask him about it? Would you become a mini P.I. and start piecing together his trysts like it's a jigsaw puzzle? Would you pay any mind to the rumors (and you know there will be rumors)? Would you just shake it off? Would you cut a heffa in the bathroom? Inquiring minds here at the 5, inquiring minds...

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

in training

hey ya'll. i'm off in the "country" training to be a better lawyer. so i thought i'd leave ya'll with something lawyerly. testify the extended version.

in all it's glory...

I don't remember the publication that featured it first, but whoever it was they got the ball rolling...

TIME was ahead of the curve.


And of course Johnson Publications wouldn't miss out on the action.
JET cam with this...

Alright, so Ebony up the ante with The 25 coolest brothers of all time.

And presidential nominee, Barack Obama might as well have been Agent 007 himself! Cool as sh*t!






Oh and Michelle wouldn't be outdone.
We see you!



Now, it's Essence turn...

Camelot in Noir--well at least that's what I say.

A friend of mine, a photographer by profession-- won't let you touch his copy. You can look from afar, but touch it ... NOPE. The photo might as well be sacred. He has big plans to crop it, enlarge it, and whatever else you can think of...




Well folks, the Democratic convention is next week and Labor Day is around the corner. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention the Republication convention (September 1-4). Time to resume political analysis-- to my political junkies your summer reprieve is over. I need you wired from now through November 4...
It's showtime!

cheers,

Bellini

Truth and Consequences

My friend, we’ll just call him Rolando, is married with a 2-year old daughter. I, of course am single, ready to mingle and have no kids. So needless to say, we both view this spinning orb a little differently. Last week Rolando was telling me about his west coast homegirl Renita, who is also married and a mother of a 7-year old daughter. And so Rolando went on to explain that while Renita and daughter were out and about, doing the things that Californians do in the sunshine they witnessed two men antiquing and then sharing a kiss!

Dum. Dum. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuum! Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do?

So the dilemma (cue Nelly and Kelly Roland) was that Renita didn’t know how she should explain this sit-chew-ation to daughter…even though daughter had gone on with her gay and merry way. So Renita had asked Rolando his opinion…well actually she had asked him what he thought about gay people; and then after he responded she would tell him why she was asking. But as Rolando shared all of this with me I felt nothing needed to be explained to daughter since she didn’t ask any questions about what she just saw. I’m of the thinking that if my children have a question about anything in this here world I’ll give them the talk real and straight. But in this scenario, given daughter’s age I felt that it was cool to keep the don’t ask don’t tell policy in play.

I just didn’t see the need to stop on the sidewalk, ice cream dripping off cones and whatnot and attempt to explain to daughter that its true that men like women and vice versa. But sometimes: men like men. Women like women. Some like both men and women. Some men like to dress like women, but still like women. While some men who dress like women actually like men. Some men have surgery to become women to change how God made them. And sometimes people are just experimenting and having a time thats good until they realize what gender lines should not be crossed.

Hello? Could you imagine a 7-year old’s face? Especially since she didn’t ask in the first place?

Then Rolando gave a real life parenting example about not waiting for a child to ask questions, which I can’t really recall now because, truth be told, I wasn’t listening to him, just waiting for my turn to talk.

Then I asked him what he would do if his little one walked in on him and his wife doing that thing, that thing, that thiiiing?
Would he grab a robe and attempt to explain the birds, the bees, the river and the trees? Especially if little one just continues to ask for a glass of water?

He said he would. I called him a liar!

His little one is 2 and Renita’s little one is 7 and some things don’t need to be explained when they are that young. I say, let them know that babies still come from storks, that they were only dreaming when they saw two men kiss, and that Santa is having coffee with the Tooth Fairy as we speak. Let the little ones be blissfully ignorant for a little bit longer. Being out the loop and lied too is a part of childhood. They’ll learn the truth someday. Be it from a heart to heart, from their friend’s older brother wearing a boa, or from Google.

See You in Seven

My Vows to Myself

Y'all Show Your Love as 5 and a Possible Present: Courvoisier

Courvousier: Straight from the islands, I am a married lady living in the United States. I strive for knowledge, innovation and perfection in this world; though I’m keenly aware no one is perfect…not even me. I enjoy the simple and exquisite things in life. I believe every life has a purpose and I am eager to fulfill mine.

“And what is the purpose of life? It is the freedom of life, the liberation of life from all things, the liberation which comes when you have gone through all experiences and are, therefore, beyond all experience… welcome to your heart every experience, however unpleasant, however delightful, so as to make your life full as the rain-drop.” – Jiddhu Krishnamurti

Given some recent events that have occurred in my life, I have been pondering many of the life rules that I subconsciously made for myself. Here are few (not listed in any particular order):

You have to own a house.
You have to have a steady paying job.
You have to graduate from college.
You have to have kids.
You have to get married.
You have to look nice.
Etc., Etc., Etc

And being the Type-A personality that I am, I always take those rules a few steps further.

How?
Why?
When?

When I was younger, I recall having really good answers to these questions. Now that I am older, those answers don’t seem so great anymore. I find myself readdressing those rules and trying to justify those answers I thought were so great. And I can’t justify them at all anymore.

For those of you who don’t know me I have achieved all of these "rules" except for having kids. So this is not a case of me giving up on these goals for what ever reason, just because. I guess at this point in my life I feel like I have been there done that. Now what? Still young and in my twenties...what do I do next? So I started making life choices (note: these are no longer rules).

Here they are:

I will no longer make life rules that restrain me from living.

I will focus on the aspects of my life that make me happy/content.

I will believe that life is not work to buy-and-compete; work is to honestly obtain money to finance worthwhile enriching experiences.

And lastly, I will love myself regardless of what I have or have not achieved and/or obtained.

No longer am I going to get caught up in what I think I should be working towards and what I should have at a certain age. And encourage you all to do the same.

These are the vows I'm making to myself.

Much Luv :)

Courvoisier