The Boy Is Yours

When all the John Edwards baby mama ish hit the fan I actually read Ms. Hunter’s interview in GQ magazine. Even though Dark and Stormy was on some, “girl you crazy, I ain’t readin’ that trash.” But uh yeah it was a slow news day. Or I had work to do and didn’t feel like it. Can’t really remember.

But I do remember deciding to see what this heffa had to say. And in between her ‘being is free’ business cards and her boundless love for Johnny, she basically had a laissez faire, devil may care, I don’t owe Lizzy nuffin type attitude. You see she was just doing her own thang. And Johnny, even though he was married, chose to step to her. And she received him. Cause she is free. And is just passing through this thing called life, like a star or a comet. Ya dig? But under the surface, beyond the craziness, when you got past all the hippy dippy B.S., peeled back the layers and tried to find a reason for their “affair.” What she was basically saying, (to use one of Mint Julep’s favorite quotes) was don't be surprised that it went down like this cause…

“Nyggas ain’t shyt, but hoes and tricks.”

And I agree. Now that’s not fair Rum Punch, all nyggas ain’t shyt, but...OK. That’s true. So, to quote another wordsmith, I’ll say, the world is filled with pimps and hoes, we’ll just talk about those I know. And so as a single woman I have dated men who have left and chose another. They got into deep, deeeep relationships almost immediately. Found the one and got engaged. Almost immediately. And that’s cool. Ain't no thang. This is of course after the tears and the curse words. Then it's all do you man. Until….

Until they came back like what you doin? How you been? What’s up with you? Maybe we should… And you be like oh you single now? Nope. Not at all. Not even a little bit. Still with that other chick. Oh. Oh? Ohhhhhhh.

Admittedly I can be a tad naïve or eyes wide shut when I get a, ‘wanna go to dinner’ text (as I did this past weekend) from a former beau. And I have asked aloud, “why does he want to meet with me?” And I have gotten the virtual and physical O_o from Minty, my brother, and other comrades. But you see for me – because I have moved on I assume they have as well.

And so there were times in the past when I have accepted the invitation. Only to feel a foot against my leg or a well misplaced hand on my back. And it feels good. For a minute. Like a literal ego stroke. And it’s like YESSS!!! Vengeance is mine, chick! (Yeah you just forget that you totally moved on) You start dancing on the inside, talmbout if that’s your boyfriend, if that’s your boyfriend, if that’s your boyfriend, he wasn’t last night. In yo' face bi-ya! In yo' face!!! Cabbage patch. Running man. Roger Rabbit. And do the snake - you lose, I win, you lose! These are the things that have gone through my mind.

But then you know I come to my senses. I refuse the advances. But I also wonder about the other woman who is in actuality his woman. His ride or die. Who thinks he's the best, the minfin best. Who she just knows can't do no wrong. Whom she trusts. Lots. And I know she don’t know about this. She don’t know about me. And that makes me sad. Lose hope. In these nigs. In all of humanity. Heh.

Ms. Hunter, Alicia Keys, Gabby Union, all the other no name, mistresses/side pieces/jump offs often get blamed, get good tongue lashings on the blogs, in the media, and are continually chastised for “taking” someone else’s man/husband. The other woman's retort comes right on cue – I didn’t take him. He came willingly. Yada.

Having been placed in potential compromising situations – I understand where these chicks are coming from. Sure I never made him come to me. Sure he chose to be an a*hole in the dark and live an 'I'm getting fitted for my angel wings' life in the light. But I don’t have to go to dinner. I can plainly ask, “does your fiancé know you want to come over to my house?” Does your girlfriend know you picking me up in her car? And decline invitations when it seems, that something in that milk ain't clean.

Cause as I get older (even though I do get so lonely), I choose to do right, regardless of if they want to do wrong. And it's not always for altruistic reasons. Or cause I feel sorry for the other woman. And think that we are bonded by sisterhood. Or cause my moral compass is always pointing North. Or cause I believe karma is a bi-ya. It's mainly because I've done the math, the cost analysis as it were, and decided these nyggas' tricks, their shyt, just aint worth it.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Taking it even farther back cause it's Friday and I'm iganant like that! He's mine you may'a had him once, but I got him all the time. You can't sleep at night. BWAAAHH!

Social Studies

So I wonder as I wander what personal interactions will look like on the street in the next 5 years, given that we now live our lives through Facebook, Twitter and texting.

I was at my cousin’s graduation party and all the children were hanging out in the basement. Me being younger than the old folks, decided to start off hanging out in the land of the yougins. Music was playing and there was occasional laughter- but overall it was pretty quiet. Everyone had their cell phone in hand texting away! Actual interaction among the attendees mainly consisted of demands to pose for a picture with someone’s camera phone. I guess just to show via Facebook that they were there in attendance. My younger cousin even went so far as to get the laptop to show me and her best friend who lives up the street pictures she posted on the Book because we could see them better than on her phone. Seriously? Realizing that I am older than the young folks, I went upstairs with the grown folks. They were laughing and talking to each other about the 70’s, their kids who still live at home and the “joys” of getting older. But they were doing it without responding to the latest chime on their iPhone. Their conversations were face to face, totally free of hand held distraction. And there I was in the middle of it all, able to relate to both worlds but not feeling completely comfortable. It was weird.

As an early 80’s baby I feel like I am the last of the breed who can hold a conversation over a plate of food and leave my cell phone in my purse. I even like to send thank you notes and get well cards through the (gasp) mail! But by the same token I enjoy sending emails and text messages over having telephone conversations. Ugh! Just picking up the phone to call someone requires that I have subject matter at the ready. Gone are the days when people could just spend hours on the phone talking about…well nothing at all. In this instantaneous society I feel like I need to have a purpose in my call, there is no room for phone call randomness. It’s much better to randomly send an “I found the perfect toilet paper!” text, than having a phone conversation about how I’ll never use the CVS brand again. Because really who has time for that?

Even at work when my phone rings I wish in my soul, as allow the call to go to voicemail, that they would just send me an email. Email allows me to answer you when I feel like it. And I like that! If you ask me a question on the phone that I don’t know the answer to I have to pretend that 1. I care 2. that I am listening 3. I will actively spend the rest of my day trying to find the answer for you. When in fact I will do 4. Surf the internet and address your concern at my convenience (usually 30 minutes prior to me leaving for the day).

But maybe this is just me. I’m not on the Book, I’ve never Tweeted, back in the day I was one of the first to let my Black Planet page lapse. So I can safely say that me and technology aren’t particularly fond of each other. But texting and email do suit me just fine! And by stating that, I know that something has changed, because I use to be a phone call every day-or a least a couple times a week kind of teenager. And my teen years aren’t that far behind me. And something keeps changing among us human folks as a whole. When we have folks passing each other on the street and can’t even say hello in person, but they are Facebook friends! What’s up with that? It makes me feel like being so connected all the time is making us all a little more socially awkward when we meet face to face.

See You In Seven

Past Puppy Love

When I was 13 a met a young man at a beach picnic and exchanged numbers drawn in the sand. To this day I still remember that number, even though I never wrote it down. On this day, I experienced my first kiss and it was kind of magical when I think back on it. Sunset on the beach, looking out at the water, sitting side by side, man puts his hand on my far shoulder, then uses his other hand to wrap his towel around me and go in for the kill. DAMN! That was hot... if only I could find my diary from back then now. I don't remember the cologne he was wearing but I do remember the feeling of being swept off my feet by his smell. It went down as one my best kisses EVER! (sigh) I didn't even know what to make of this event at the time. All I knew was that I liked this dude!

Later that night I got the beating of a lifetime. Little did I know my house was a no boys zone and my mother was absolutely livid I gave him my number. (sigh) I was so naive, never in a million years did I think she would freak about a boy calling the house but to make matters worst... when she asked me questions about him I told her the truth. If I could go back in time I would have never told her a thing! But oh no, I told her everything! And it was everything that caused me to get my butt tanned. When I think back on this incident I completely understand why punishment was necessary. This boy who I had given my number to was 7 years my senior... Whoa!

Need less to say, that was a wrap. He was not calling me anymore. (sigh) But then again, I still wanted to talk to him. It wasn't like I was ever going actually see dude considering my mother would probably kill me. We went from a simple kiss at sunset to an occassional phone call here and there. Boyfriends came and went and I could always rely on him to help me out when in a bind. Countless emergency rides home from parties and pep talks to get through studying for exams. The ultimate protector in my back pocket. Two years of this and it was time for my mother and this young man to meet again. By this time it was okay for boys to call the house and you better believe, he was on speed dial. In fact, the irony of this story is that the day my mother met him, she loved him. Even to this day... she still loves him. Makes us chuckle inside every time because if she only knew he was the same boy from way back when that she claimed could not possibly have anything in common with me. You couldn't tell me at 15, we weren't a match made in heaven. The relationship lasted until I was 19. And at the time, he was SO out my league.

I went off to college and he stayed home. I think that was the last we ever spoke. Except for the one time he built up the courage to warn me about a past loser boyfriend. By this time, I had labeled him my first love and the direction my life was moving in was no going to collide with his again. For years my best friend would tease that on one of these trips home I was going to see him and fall in love with him again. And for years, I would say, "Please he is so out of my league. What could we possibly have in common?" Then it happened. Tens later I run into this dude on the day I am supposed to return to Philly and you could swear it was as if we were separated by war. WTF?!? It was though nothing had changed. My heart was beating like crazy and frozen. I could tell he was just as nervous as I was yet we still managed to speak.

Okay, so all the times I played this possible event over in my head... I thought it would go something like this. We meet, we say "whats up?" then go our separate ways. The last thing I was expecting was a heart felt apology for breaking my heart and the "I still love you" speech. Excuse me? What is a girl supposed to do with that? (sigh) Then here comes, I am not going to let you out my life again. WHAT?!? Dude I live miles away! I am not going to lie, just like our first kiss, this meeting seemed unreal! He then reminds me of how when we first met, he always knew I was going to be his wife. And I am thinking yes, I remember you saying that back then... but come on, we are adults now. This is the second time I have heard such non sense from an ex so why was it trippin' me up this time? O-M-G! This is way too much for me right now. So what do I do? And is it truly possible to resurrect a relationship that I had defined as past puppy love? Or was this about to be something different and better? Who knows?

Much luv 'til next week... peace:)

Gyal me wann fi hold yuhhh put me arms right arounddd ya
Gyal you give me the tightest hold me eva seen in my life