The Bridge to Friendship

So one day I was talking to Amaretto and I said:

“Remember how in high school you would categorize people you know. And you’d have acquaintances, associates, friends, best friends?”
And she said, “Yeah. I still do that.”
And I said, “Yeah but remember how in high school it was like ---“
“A caste system,” she said.
“Yes!”

Cause I remember how it was hard for someone to move up or down the “friendship” ladder. Like oh I don't fcuk with her like that, she’s just an associate. And then insert whatever definition associate meant to you. But even today, as we’re grown, even if we don’t break it down in those hard terms, out loud for everyone to know, we still have an idea of what constitutes a real, true, for real, for real friend.

Awhile ago I was watching a Seinfeld episode and Jerry had made a new “friend.” So off the break new “friend” was all, “Can you help me move this weekend?” So his real homies were on some, “how dare he ask you to help him move. Y’all just met. That’s like asking someone to drive you to the airport.” Ain’t that the right.

Cause depending on your city and your proximity, you don’t take or pick up just anyone to and from the airport. You gotta be on a certain level with that person. Have at least shared one deep, dark secret with each other. Cried on their shoulder. Gotten fcuked up together and lived to tell the tale. Met at least one of they family members. Gotten some blood or a kidney from ‘em and need to return the favor…I ain't lying. You know not everyone you know loves or even likes you enough to take you to the airport in the wee hours of the morning or circle and circle whilst you wait for your bag...

In this facebook and myspace age where the person you sat next to in Kindergarten can be your “friend,” it truly makes the typical definition or idea of friend null and void. Can make you forget what a true friend is. Until you need one. I dated this guy who thought anyone he met was his friend. So, he had hundreds of “friends.” Which I thought was stupid because in reality only a handful of people are really gonna have your back in this lifetime. And as you get older, that number gets smaller and smaller. One because you get tired of telling people your life story over and over, of having to build a foundation, garnering trust, playing the ‘are they good enough to be my friend' game… And two because people will start to die. I mean that's life, right?

In these past few weeks, I have gone through it. Lamented the single life, car got stolen, unnecessary drama, etcetera, etcetra. And I’ve called (literally on the phone and for emotional support) on my friends and they’ve been there. And I love ‘em for it. I love my one friend for riding through the hood with me to look for my car. I love my other friend for telling me to get it together, grouch and stop thinking no one will marry me. And I love my other friend for believing in my writing ability when I have doubt. And for having copies of all my stories after my flash drive was stolen.

I am reading one of my favorite authors - Dianne McKinney Whetstone’s book, Trading Dreams at Midnight and there’s a part where a homeless man asks one of the main characters who is going through her own shyt, “You got anybody laying down for you baby?”
“Huh?” she asked.
“A bridge? You got a living bridge? I only asked ‘cause it’s important for a person to know where their bridge is.”

As I get older, I realize who my living bridges are. And I'm oh so thankful for these people who encourage me, help me, would loan me money if I needed it, but still call me out on my shyt, wish me Happy Birthday every year, make me laugh, let me cry, whine, babble, ramble, talk shyt, and just love me for me with all my flaws, quirks and mistakes. So, who's your living bridge?

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

goin to the chapel

the other day i was talkin to a co worker about marriage. and she said that when she hears that one of her college or grad school friends is gettin married, her first thought is usually "why not me, I'm just as _________ as she is..." We chuckled but homegirl was serious. I told her that I'm usually happy for the bride. Like my friend that's gettin married this weekend for example. During our time in law school together, my friend would always say that she never thot she'd get married and she was fine with that. More than fine, she was happy with her life. Then bam, one day she decides to sign up for match.com on a whim and meets her soon to be huzband on her first time out. So, I told co-worker, when I hear a friend of mine is engaged I'm usually happy. Cause love is all around us and so the feeling grows.... I think we as single ladies should not be salty and send bad karmic vibes into the atmosphere when we hear one of our own is leaving the field. Don't hate, celebrate.

So all the single ladies, all the single ladies, put your hands up! What do you say or think when your friends tell you that they just got engaged?

Havana, here I come...

not so fast...

I had to push my regular post for the euphoria I'm feeling right now. There's a good chance my ass can make it to Havana -- legally of course! If the Obama administration normalizes relations with Cuba -- Havana here I come.

Yesterday, I read that Obama Opens Door to Cuba, but only a Crack. ok folks, baby steps. You know maybe it's the innate hubris of being American, but I was 90 miles north of Cuba 10 years ago. And I kept wondering, why Uncle Sam was holding me back from crossing the Florida Straits. Hmmmph!

My quixiotic affair with Havana is serious, considering I've never been there. All the mystique and intrigue is palpable. And as an internationalist, I've been denied my proper rights -- at least I think so... Think about it, I am your Renaissance Woman (see bio at right) and Uncle Sam is jeopardizing my status. Not fair. But like I mentioned two weeks ago and Amaretto echoed yesterday -- life ain't fair!

Now, what's interesting is the haters are already spewing hate. So, I skimmed the Washington Post this morning and their article on Cuba discusses the coveted interest of US telecommunication firms to establish lines on the island. The article quoted a professor as stating, "The infrastructure that exists there today is lousy, and the Cuban people are paid in pesos, which is worth nothing...They are thinking about buying food first." This may all be true. But I betcha by golly wow -- if Verizon Wireless, AT&T, Sprint, or T-Mobile come down there they will be inundated with new Cuban subscribers. Why, because it is the capitalistic way.

Let's school Mr. Professor on Capitalism 101
If you create a niche market and coerce the consumer to feel the product is indispensable--consequently the product is a necessity. And sure enough, look at the mobile phone phenomena. People can't live without a damn cell phone. If the choice is between a mobile phone and a land line, the mobile phone trumps a land line any day. Oh,and when homeless people get with the program, On D.C. Streets, Cellphone as Lifeline --it's a wrap. Unbelievable. People can't turn a blackberry off. So, I don't know what the guy was talking about, probably was a Cuban exile who may never forgive Castro... and maybe rightfully so...but please don't knock my hustle. I'm trying to get to Havana! dreamin' in the meantime...

cheers,

Bellini

The Worst of the Worse

Have you ever had one of those horrible, rotten, no-good, just awful years? The kind when month after month there seems to be another pound added to the amount you have to carry? It’s the type of year where you are tormented emotionally, financially and physically? And you just get to the point of wondering what did you do to deserve this?! Why is this happening to me and not them? 2005 was that year for me. A couple weeks ago I was talking to Rum Punch and something she said caused me to remember all the terribleness that was my 2005.

It started off pretty well-I got the good government job in January. Was told that my entry level position would be a gateway to bigger and better things… But then I met those who occupied the position…they had almost convinced me that my fate would be the same as theirs and I would be stuck where I was…for years!

Then in June I got into a car accident. Because I was operating on CP time I was running late for work, it was raining, I was speeding, hadn’t checked my tired pressure…and well coming off an exit I hit a puddle and hydroplaned into the guardrail. No one else was hit. As you can see I am alive to tell the tale. But my car was jacked up, I didn’t have money to get it fixed. Had to get familar with a life with a bus pass! : (

In October my grandfather died. He had been sick since June. Had a stoke. In and out of the hospital and rehabilitation centers. Since I had no car I took the train from DC to Newport News at least twice a month. I watched him get better, come home, get worse, go to the hospital. I watched my worried mother and grandmother do the best they could but they were helpless. He passed the day after I boarded the train back to DC.

In November, my college started filing paperwork to sue me for unpaid tuition. In 2000 my father wasn’t able to afford the price tag. I had to stop my education to join the working world. But my college wasn’t going to release my transcripts until I paid them the 25K I owed them…and they weren’t really trying to hear that “I ain’t got it dawg” excuse. Damn.

And really ya’ll there is a whole lot more that happened to me that year. I had a broken heart, almost had no place to live, continuously tried to make a dollar out of 15 cents… but I’m not trying to depress the masses. I’m just saying that while living my life now, I rarely think about the year that was 2005. Not saying that it was a blur, or I had forgotten, but I kind of chuckled while recalling those events, because they seem so distant to me now.

And today I was just thinking about the folks I know who are going through some really difficult times right now. Be it that they are not having the best year, or haven’t had the best years lately. They are wondering why this happening to them. Why they got to be broke, or sick, or divorced, or unemployed. Why their momma had to die, why they got to be the one getting sued...and I wish I knew the answer. But as they say, trouble don’t last always…and it’s true, it don’t. Now if someone told me that in 2005, I would have smiled politely and then turned around and rolled my eyes. But in 2009 I can say that things do get better. And I say that because I know from experience.

See You In Seven

House Guests & Boyfriend #2

So I was just going to do a little music commentary on Pleasure P's Boyfriend #2 track but as I was writing this lovely post for you to read this morning, something more pressing kept interrupting. And what is it you say... that could possibly be driving me insane? Try house quests.

Now correct me if I am wrong for this...I love respectful house guests, keyword respectful. Here are just a few of the guidelines, I try to follow when staying with others, no matter if they are friends or family.

1. Ask before you plan to stay at someone's house. Don't just assume because you in town and you stayed there before you will be staying at their house again. I know this one goes without saying but I think family members try to get away with this one ALL the time.

2. Arrive when you say you will arrive.

3. Don't overstay your welcome. I will say it again...DON'T overstay your stay!

4. Always be prepared to show your appreciation. I tend to go over the top and leave a card or gift depending on how close I am to the host but a simple thank you or doing number 5, will do.

5. Keep your guest area neat. Even if you are a messy person, try your best to keep the guest area neat. If your host is anything like myself, they have made the extra effort to provide comfortable and neat accommodations. Deciding to bake a cornish hen immediately after they finished cooking and cleaning the kitchen is probably not a good idea.

6. Entertain yourself. Unless your host has made it clear that this stay is truly a visit to see them and they have taken time off from work, try not to interrupt their daily routine too much. (i.e. writing/posting their blog sunday night.) Of course this is within reason, loud music and annoying conversations lead me to number 7.

7. Don't keep your host up late. This is usually the result of someone struggling with number 6. I am not going to lie, this IS a tough one when you hanging with the girls and you haven't seen them in a long time. Pillow talk serves as the best time to play catchup. But let's keep it mutual.

8. Respect your host privacy. Just because you staying at somebody's house doesn't mean you have to be all up in their busy. If your host is on the phone, let them be on the phone without ease dropping. If your host wants talk about her telephone conversation, he or she will bring it up.

(sigh)

Every last one of these tips of being a good house guest were broken this weekend, one right after the other. And I am soooo ready to move out of my own house. (chuckle) What kind of craziness is this?

___________________________

Okay now that I have vented... check this video out. Really? Dudes are willing to be boyfriend #2? I thought guys liked it when the story goes,

guy meets girl,

girl likes guy,

guy wants to be girl's boyfriend,

she dumbs boyfriend to be new guy's girlfriend

and they live happily ever after (minus some other stuff)

What is with all this "Call me when your n!gga ain't around, I don't mind being the dude on the side" mess? Am I missing something? This goes against the whole loyalty issue that men desire in a successful relationship. Correct me if I am wrong, I thought men don't play that dude on the side role very well and for very long before there starts to be some issues. Maybe when Pleasure P gets tired of playing number 2 he will drop another track, "You Deserve That Negro".

The beat is kind of catchy though... just wish the subject was better :)

Much luv for number one and two until next week... peace :)