Heard It All Before

Two things about men. Seemingly simple words they say that bother the hell outta me.

1. “Lemme call you right back.” Every girl by the age of 16 should know that this is a m-in-fin lie! But then like a complicated LSAT question is only truth when a man is first putting in work. Digging and wooing you. You know before you’ve dropped the panties. It’s in this time that they have a tendency to call back with a quickness. But once time has passed. You’ve given it up. They ain’t feeling you the same. Dropped you down to just a "friend." Or have gotten all comfortable and complacent – they hit you with, “lemme call you right back.” Which could mean tomorrow. A week from now. Or never. Ahhh this lesson should be learned early, lest you be sitting by the phone, you know, actually waiting, checking the dial tone, refusing to leave the house, on some he said he was gon’ call me riight back. Ha! But you bet not eva, eva, eva, eva, not call them right back. A fit will be pitched and thrown.

2. “How you been/What’s been up/What you doing [right now, tonight, later on in life]” – Or any variation of these phrases uttered by a man you once dated, messed with, or just fcuked. Until they chose another. Or just x’ed you out the situation. And months or even years later, when you’ve finally gotten over him, moved on, and shifted those happy feelings to fcuk that nygga – as sure as the sun will rise and set, he will make a guest appearance into your life. Come around one mo’gin. But not in the good, let’s get together and love up on each other kinda way. Noooo, comes back as if he left some kinda GPS tracking device on your heart and has been watching your every move and knows just when you’re turning that corner; or like he was bored one day, was scrolling through his cell phone and saw your name. Either way, you living your life like it's golden, and he reappears like, “how you doin’?” Like everything is good. Like y’all been talking everyday. Like he didn’t break your heart. Like you just forgot all the b.s. that went down between y'all. Like y’all can just pick up where you left off.

And so here he comes. Creeping. Sniffing. Tiptoeing. Half stepping. Shows up, usually still attached, but thinking y’all can still be “friends.” Should chat. Stay in touch. Meet up. Maybe he could even come visit you. Like he doesn’t have a wife or girlfriend. And you want to scream, “YOU DIDN’T CHOOSE ME! SO WHY ARE YOU BACK OVER HERE OCCUPYING MY SPACE? WHAT THE FCUK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?” But you know what he wants. He wants to have his cake and eat your pie, ice cream and cookies too. Wants you to boost his ego. Assuage his guilt. Wants to test just how much of his foolishness you will allow back into your life. Meanwhile you just want to end all ties. Amputate the entire relationship like a gangrene leg. Set it on fire and watch it burn to ashes. Star in y’alls own version of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Scrub your hands and heart of the whole affair. And you thought you did. But it never fails, just when you think you’re out, they pull you back in. With an IM. A text. An email. A tweet. A phone call you know you should ignore. But don’t. And so you pick up the phone to see what this nygga want. And five minutes in realize he ain’t talking bout shyt. And then you get the chance, some sweet revenge, a little poetic justice if you will, to hit him with, “lemme call you right back…”

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Takin' it back...

free yourself

i’m a firm believer that when a man wants you, he wants you. until he doesn’t want you no more. and then you, my dear, are just out in the cold, tossed to the side like a $2 hoe. now this change in the wind can happen over many years time or within a matter of seconds. the change could be due to something you let slip out your mouth when your guard was down, thinking that ya’ll was cool like that and you could share with him some of your deepest thoughts and insecurities. or it coulda been when he met someone who was almost as good as you but maybe a little shorter (or taller) and lighter (or darker) depending on the man. could be because he's a punk ass bitch ass punk! doesn't really matter the reason.

he. just. don't. want. you. no. more.

now as a free thinking individual, i can’t hate on this, in principle. a person has the right to love/like who that person wants, when and where they want until they don't want to no more.

but as a woman, as a pisces, who when she loves she tends to cling, this shit irks me!
makes me want to slap a mf'er dead in his mouth.
makes me want to gather all the intelligence i can about the other and then call up rum punch and tell her how much better i am than that other in each and every way.
makes me want to go home, get in the bed with a pint of ice cream and cry.
makes me want to say muthafucka, i'm the shit, and it was a privilege for you to rock with me, so fuck you!

but after you get alladat out, you take a deep breath, count to 10 and look for the lesson. reflect on YOU and what you can learn from the situation, how you can become a better woman. and keep it movin, cause he damn sure has.

so ladies remember this: when a man really wants a woman he will lock her down. he will make it so that no other man sniffs around. he will let it be known that he’s interested in her and only her. he won't have time for anyone else. his focus will be on you and only you. a good friend of mine said this: “you deserve someone that loves you for you. and misses you when you leave just to go to the store and wants you to be the mother of their children." if at any time you get a hint that he not waiting by that door for you to come back from walmart, it's time for you to start asking questions. breaking dishes. kicking ass and taking names. so you can know. so you can tell him to stop the car and let you out before he slows down to 5 mph, reaches over, opens the door and shoves your ass out.

so you can not want him no more, too!

shakespearan love

Act I
"Wheneva i wanted to go out and do me -- I'd start an argument, just some stupid ass shyt. Then I'd go get her, buy her some shyt, take her out to eat... she'll be mad for a hot minute. Then we're good...until the following week when I gotta do it all over again."

I’m pushing it... push

17 years later, 2 kids later, begged and cried and convinced him to take her down the aisle – you was a girlfriend for 17 years?
seen him 2 months ago -- i don't recall a wedding band on the finger... and he always shared the fact that he told his wife "don't nothing change now that we're married" can't change a dog's spots!

Push it to the limit!
*************************************************************************************
Act II
"I'm not lookin' for a relationship right now. I just wanna do me! But I like you. So, if you wanna kick it we can." Fast forward a year later

After countless trips, love making sessions, and other exclusive moments together – I’m just a friend?

Oh, baby you – you got what I neeeeed
but you say I’m just a friend, you say I’m just a friend!
*************************************************************************************
Act III
So, brotherman life’s been good, but ya know I’m a pioneer. so I'm headin' west.
Brotherman retorts, “ Uh, out west!? I thought we were getting’ married?”’
Sistagirl replies, “Married? There’s no ring on my finger babe."

11 months later, brotherman and sistagirl were married.
32 years of marriage & 2 grown adults to prove it how ya like that for stats

I can’t leave you alone… you got me feenin’… got me goin’ crazy…
I can’t leave you alone… you got me feenin’… girl, I’m feenin’ for you

*************************************************************************************
Epilogue
Now, everything ain’t a happy ending as is portrayed in Act III. Act I and II are on some shaky, baky status. But, what I’m trying to convey is that menfolk will push it to the limit – IF YOU LET THEM, ladies. The guy in Act I would always tell me “women have so much power”. In Act II, homegirl is still trying to find her way and I have a feelin' she might end up a sourpuss or at the very least compromised her standards. But, homegirl is dismissing the fact that she has the power to change her sityachun. If this is the case, why are women always feeling powerless? Did you check Act III, sistagirl knew her power and exercised it accordingly. Ladies, usurp your power back, and for those of you who never gave it up – kudos. And I couldn’t end the quote without reference to a lyric – so ladies Fight the Power!

cheers,

Bellini

Oh Spare Me!

I think for the most part…at least if we boil all things down to biology, the role of the male in a species is to protect. Of course they are hunting and spreading their seed, but for the most part-looking at the wild animal kingdom-their responsibility is to protect what is theirs…their families.

The innate need to protect is also found in human men folk. But I think many men are confused about how to be protectors in the modern world. With the industrial revolution, feminism and television telling us what is and isn’t, I think many men don’t know what they should and shouldn’t do when dealing with women folk. The modern world is telling everyone to look out for themselves and “do you” how do men folk reconcile that with their instinctive responsibility to protect their women and children?

I imagine that life and relationships can be difficult for men. Now keep in mind I speak in generalizations and I am fully aware that I have not met every man in the world…though that would make for an interesting world record to set… But it annoys me that some men folk opt for delaying the truth and/or lying in an attempt (often a lame one) to protect feelings. Ugh! It’s humorous that in this modern world some men won’t open a door for a chick but will quickly opt for an archaic ideal of sparing a woman’s feelings by delaying a truth revelation. Saaaaaay what?

What. If my man drinks all the red Kool-Aid and I have been talking to him since noon about how I can’t wait to get me a nice cold glass when I get home. He should not wait until I have glass in hand and have pulled refrigerator ajar to tell me “Oh, by the way babe I drank all this Kool-Aid this morning.” Um. What? Imma gonna be pissed! Now he’ll probably claim that he forgot that he drank it all…which I personally would find hard to believe since we had conversation about it! But the end result is that I am madder than a Charlotte Hornet*, maybe even calling him a stupid simple simpleton, now that he allowed me to get to the point of almost tasting the Kool-Aid! Whereas If he told me at noon, I wouldn’t have spent the day building up how good that Kool-Aid was gonna taste!

But who cares about Kool-Aid it’s just Kool-Aid? And that’s true, who cares? But let’s just say that you’ve been in a relationship for a few years. Love has been professed. You are talking about chilluns, and houses, and how much of each paycheck will go into a savings account. Then, through the magic of Facebook man’s first lady love hits him up and from his heart flows all those old feelings. Because time has changed and matured them there might be a future for them now. He’s chatting with her from gmail at work and they are meeting for tea and crumpets every Tuesday. I believe at this point a man is conflicted. He of course is happy first lady love is back in his life, but also knows you are looking at houses in the best school districts…and because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings he doesn’t tell you right way that something has shifted and change is eminent.

This men, is Nucking Futs! No matter what, the fact that you want to be with first lady love is going to upset this woman. She will be hurt, angry and will probably hate you-either forever or for a period of time. She might cause a scene if you tell her in a public place…but who cares. That is far better than her continuing to think life is golden while you are making plans with first lady love. That’s life men folk, people get hurt no matter how well we try to protect them or spare feelings.

Honesty is the best way to protect those we care for and the sooner the better. Women folk can handle it! Believe me. Spare the drama and just tell us the truth.

See You In Seven

* I know they are New Orleans Hornets that’s why Charlotte is mad. Get it? Got it? Good.

K.I.S.S for Him

Sometimes I just don't understand it. They say Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus but I swear it feels like Men are not even from this universe at times. Or is it just us? I think back to all of my most irritating moments with men and I got to tell you sometimes, these dudes have me questioning my intelligence. So what do you do Courvoisier... I K.I.S.S him.

Kiss for me and a K.I.S.S for him.

Almost everybody is familiar with the K.I.S.S. method of doing things. Well, when dealing with men I have to remember K.I.S.S him. In fact, K.I.S.S him with all of my heart because lawd knows if I don't... okay I won't elaborate. (chuckle) And for those of you who don't know what kind of kissing I am talking about I'm talking about Keeping It Simple Sista! Keeping it simple, in my opinion slows down on most of the frustrations I have dealing with men.

So for shitiggles (shits and giggles plus one or two chuckles) I put together a little quiz to check if you are kiss your man Courvoisier style. (My answers are in yellow)

1. I have been talking to this guy and some feelings are developing but I was wondering where this relationship is going. What do I do?

a) Wade it out.

b) Hint at the fact, I like him a lot.

c) Give that dude an ultimatum.

d) State your feelings, ask him how he feels. (smooch)

2. Ray-ray says "We are just friends" What does that mean?

a) We are soon to be lovers.

b) This dude wants to marry me.

c) In a couple of months I will meet his mama.

d) We are just friends, no more no less. (smooch)

3. You offer to make King James dinner. So what do you do?

a) You cook a dish you have never made in your life.

b) You cook the fanciest meal possible.

c) Order out because you don't know why you offered in the first place.

d) Cook something you know he eats and enjoys, well then call it a night. (smooch)

If you answered d. to these few questions, then you are kissing your man Courvoisier style. Believe me I know kissing him right can be difficult at times, but I got to believe the right man for me is a simple being. So as long as I don't play games and I kiss him right I should be fine. Right?

Much luv until next week... smooches :)

P.S. This post is in reference to men not boys. (chuckle)