WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.

SO LONG, FAREWELL...

The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Friday, December 18, 2009

It's A Wonderful Life

Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the nation
People were shopping, preparing for vacation.
Others were sad that they were out of work
Looking for miracles, about to go bezerk.

The children were all being nice
Knowing being naughty would put them on thin ice.
And here I was a single Black woman whose closet was darling
Wondering just where was my prince charming.

When all of a sudden there was a great sound
That caused me to quickly turn around.
After all I was all alone in my new house
And was soo hoping that it was not a mouse.

The street light was on, so rare for DC
I went to the window and what did I see?
A '54 vintage convertible, light blue
This was definitely too good to be true!

With a little old driver in a fabulous mink
I wasn’t too sure just what to think.
Faster than Tiger’s mistresses, out they came
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

Now, Good Health! Now, New House! Now, Life Lessons! Now, 5 Spot!
On, Faith! On, Joy! On, Family and Love, let’s trot!
To the top of the roof! The chimney it calls!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!

This awesome corvette began to fly
And headed straight for the sky.
They made it promptly to the top, lickity split
With a backseat of gifts and a divine woman who was too legit to quit!

And then, in a twinkling, I heard up top
Dancing and clapping that just wouldn’t stop.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney her fabulousness came with a bound

She was dressed to the nines from her head to her toe
And her clothes were full of sequins, they were all aglow.
A bundle of blessings she had on her back
And she looked like a queen, just opening her sack.

Her eyes how they twinkled! Her dimples how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, her brown skin smooth as sherry.
Her plump lips formed a smile
As she put the gifts into a neat little pile.

“Just what are you doing”, I had to ask
“Just what do you think,” she said with a laugh.
“I’m not too sure,” I replied, giving her room to shine
“Why, I’m bringing your gifts from 2009."

“But what about all the other things I want,” I said trying to be pleasant.
Hand on hip, she said, “Um can you please focus on the present?”
“Can’t you see how much you’ve been blessed?"
She continued, “now why are you trying to make me stressed?”

“It’s just sometimes it doesn’t seem like enough and such.”
“Honey chile, be grateful, before I say it’s too much.”
I stared in awe and watched her finish.
She took her empty bag and said for 2010, she had to replenish

She went to her corvette, and let out a whistle
And away they flew like the down of a thistle
But I heard her exclaim as she drove out of sight
“Merry Christmas girl, count your blessings, and to all a goodnight!”

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!


**The 5 Spot will be taking a Holiday break from Monday, Dec. 21-Sunday, Jan. 3, 2010. We’ll return on Monday, January 4, 2010 with a week long segment titled, Black & Bitter – our response to the now infamous Washington Post article. Y’all come back now you here? Be safe and Happy Holidays!**

Thursday, December 17, 2009

reflection

2009 is almost gone. Inevitably the closing of a year makes one think of what one has accomplished in that time. What's changed. What remains the same.

2009 has been the first complete year of mint julep living this life. The one where purpose in every day counts far more than pennies in the bank. I've learned that the more things change the more they stay the same. That the public interest world has the same self-interested white folk running the show.

I'm usually one to make lists and leave things behind and start anew in the morning. Only to forget or selectively remember those things I thought I'd never do (again). This year ima try not to do any of that. And instead try living this life I'm loving. To the fullest. Complex. In full color.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Advent Season

Time stops for no one.

Life will always go on...


Even though I know these clich├ęd truths I feel as I write this post that the close of this year brings a season finale in my life. You remember what it was like to watch your favorite show all year. To get to know the characters and their storylines for months for it all to be concluded in an extra special hour long presentation episode? In this episode things were resolved, folks where happy and in the last few moments a cliffhanger storyline began. As the viewer I just couldn’t wait to watch what the new season would have in store come fall. And it is with similar expectancy that I wonder what is going to happen next…


Before this year began I said that I would be getting mine in oh-nine! I proclaimed this mantra half believing it, but mostly from the frustration about where I was in life. And without ecking out the details or borderline getting my brag on I will state that I feel like this mantra set the stage for me to truly get mine this year. My life is in a total different place now than when everyone was running around worried about Y2K. (Ha ha ha! Computers are like cockroaches!) And I know that we all have been through some thangs, made it over, were tested and tried since 1999 ended-but aren’t we better, stronger, wiser, freer and growner for it? I am just going to speak for ya’ll right here and say Yes we is! Yes we is!


I feel like I have moved beyond several of the challenges that I was faced with in 2000, 2001, 2002, oh heck every year had its share of challenges! But I wonder about the Amaretto I would have become if I didn’t have to move 9 times, didn’t work as a part time teller, didn’t get the diagnosis, never had crippling debt, never had my heart ache or break, never screamed out Fcuk the world don’t ask me for…


But I thank God from the depths of my soul for his infinite wisdom and constant provision. I couldn’t have made it otherwise. I wouldn’t have learned any other way. I couldn’t be able to cope with this thing called life with out knowing, praying and expecting change. And not that Obama kind of change-the real deal! And I will take off my saved and sanctified hat to confess that there were many “Why me, Lord and not them?” moments. If Amaretto Jenkins was allowed to run things I would have chosen an easier breezier course with lots of money and no pain…but I’d probably be a horrible jerky biznat of a person with no friends to keep it real and check me when necessary! I wouldn’t be the woman I am today or the woman I am destined to be in the next decade, and I am not trying to miss out on that!


So during this season of advent I eagerly and not fearfully await what will happen next.


Until next season…Merry Christmas Ya’ll!


See You in the New Year!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Left Behind in '09

So every year Barbara Walters lists her 10 most fascinating people of the year and every year I talk about starting a new or life improvements around the week of my birthday, but since this is my last post for the '09 it only seem fitting that I say see you next year in true Courvoisier fashion. I have noticed a friend of mine always uses the phrase I am not taking that into the new year and for this last post, I have decided to discuss who and sometimes what will be taken into the new year.

FOCUS - 5 - FRIENDS - FASHION - LOVE - HEALTH -MUSIC - ART - FAITH

First on the list, Cable... yup! You will not be taken into the new year. You know why? After living without you for a few months and being at one with myself, I realized that you are a true distraction. Which leads me into what will be going into the new year. FOCUS! Focus you are more than welcomed in 20-10. This pass year has been one where I have searched and struggled to find you. And now that I finally have you where you should be I am not leaving you behind.

Last year I was grateful for a lot of things and I have to say the list still remains... all of these things are going into 2010 with even more love and appreciation. Which me leads me to... how blessed I am to be taking 5andapossible into next year. We have all developed a bond and appreciation for each over this last year, one that I can't imagine leaving behind. Writing with you guys has opened up a part of my personality that I didn't even believe existed. Seems like I have been with you guys much longer than September '08. And let's not forget our followers... thanks for reassuring me I was crazy but not within functioning reason. (chuckle)

Friends: This year, I made many friends but not every year do I meet a person who I think will probably be around for a long time. This year in addition to my closest girlfriends, I believe I have found another. Let's just say, if I walk the aisle again... the bridesmaid count just went up by one. (chuckle) 2009 also marks the year that I say goodbye to 5 people who have played a role in my life, Emmaline, Tom, Ta-Gia, Francis and Rodney Jr. All of you parted so unexpectedly, I will love you always. XOXOXO

Fashion: For as long as I could remember, I thought fashion was the ultimate self-expression without having to say a word. I love it! Yes, I know we shouldn't judge a book by it's cover but believe, the outer gives a hint. I will continue to be neat, not necessarily trendy in 20-10, maybe a little bit more expressive or shall I say more CONFIDENT. (yes, that is possible for those who know me.) Self love.


Love, I'll say it again... LOVE, you will not be left behind. This is sad news for 2009 booty calls (chuckle). LOVE rules in 2010! I am going to love new and freely. No more entertaining the crazy for the fun of it. It really isn't that fun... especially when you are focused and these experiences become distractions. I knew you didn't fit from the beginning yet I still would play with you like a cat with it's mouse. It seems has if it has resulted in the same fatal end. Choosing in 2010 not to mislead you anymore. (chuckle)

Health: This year I was able to stay committed to my health. Although the last two months have been trying... I am taking my best practices into the new year regardless. Many don't have this option... I shouldn't take mine for granted.

Music: Without question you are not being left behind. Are you kidding me? You keep me going on the treadmill, you influence my swag, I could go on and on forever. So who from 09 will I enjoy most still in the 10. There seems to be a few givens that came out this year Maxwell, Mos Def and Melanie Fiona. The one that doesn't seem to disappear and embodies the spirit of my recent attitude towards my artwork is Fela Kuti. Fela you have influenced a lot music I already love, it only seems right that you go into the new year. Your rhythms speak straight to my spirit!



Where there is music, there is art! Without any of things mentioned thus far there would be no art for me. They all enable me to create. Hence you will not be left behind art... no more words needed. (There is no shame in this plug... chuckle)



And lastly, Faith. I am taking you into the new year because without you, everything else is pointless!

Much luv until next year... peace :)





Friday, December 11, 2009

High (Ho)pes

Yesterday I had a very interesting conversation with a man who kept using “just kickin' it” as an expression for dating. I asked him just what he meant by ‘kickin it,' since every time he said it I was singing Xscape in my head. So, he was like, “oh it’s when you’re dating a chick, but y’all aren’t exclusive.” Ahhhhh I see.

So he then proceeds to explain that men have five steps when with a woman. And here they go.
Courting – When the man is wooing the woman
Go together – When the two are dating, getting to know each other, etc
Exclusive – They are officially a couple and aren't seeing other people
Engaged - Pretty self explanatory, but everyone didn't get the same handbook - I'm looking at you Tiger who had sex at your Bachelor Party
Married - Pretty self explanatory, but everyone didn't get the same handbook - I'm looking at you Tiger who had lots of sex with lots of women who weren't your wife.


“That makes sense to me,” I say. But here’s the problem, he says. Women tend to blur the first three into one. So, according to him women have three steps:
1. Dating
2. Engaged
3. Married

He then continues with, “once intimacy is involved, the woman typically thinks that y’all are now in the exclusive stage. Whereas the man is still at go together.” Or maybe even jumpoff. Heh. That’s Rum Punch ignorance – he didn’t say that.

Anyway. Ain’t that the truth! We women be quick to claim a man. Or just assume that cause he slept with us, then he must not be sleeping with anyone else. Of course when he laid it all out, it made total sense. But that’s not how things always go in real life when you feeling somebody, and they feeling you, and cocktails are involved, then both y’all nekkid, then the deed is done, without the big talk having been had, but you feel like he should maybe kinda say he wanna be with you. Sometime soon. Like maybe tonight. But definitely in the morning light. Ok. Lemme wait a week. Um how many months have we been doing this? So he don’t officially claim you. But you decide y’all are together anyway. Cause it's like you are. Riight? And he didn’t get the memo. And you see Chantel leaving his house when the moon is switching places with the sun. And then car windows are busted out.

And speaking of car windows. Um I know we have all put in our $1.25 on Tiger, and I commented last week that I never thought he was wrapped too tight - but man – if this ain’t a PR nightmare, I don’t know what is! Look. I really don’t have expectations of famous men to be faithful. And I really think these women know what they're getting into and if they were smart they would make arrangements.

And like a dude said the other night, that Chris Rock said, “a man is as faithful as his options.” And like daddy in Love and Basketball said, “even when you get past the 1000s at the stadium, there’s hundreds at the hotel, dozens on your floor, one in your bed.” So I get it. But what really sticks in my craw is all these random chicks Tiger chose. I mean really? Can you step up your options and go with some professionals. And yes, I’m talking about whores. Who picks the hostess of a restaurant who has nothing to lose? Why couldn’t you take it Michael Jordan style and get a better class of hofessionals? Like we allll know Michael Jordan was unfaithful, but please name one of his hos. It’s ok. I’ll wait. Riiiiight.

The point of these two random topics joined together is that women usually have some type of expectation when going into something with a man -and the stakes are a lot higher once bodily fluids are exchanged. Men be going along for the ride, trying to see how far they can go, how much finnagling they can do, how long they can keep it just like this.

Whereas women are in it for something - whether it be tangible or intangible, cleary defined or blurried lines, socially acceptable or not: fame, money, that Mrs. title, security & stability, love in all its forms, a winter boo, a summer home, a free dinner at Ruth Chris or Red Lobster or Wendy's, a daddy for these kids, all of the above. Yes, there is usually a pricetag on the psusy. Now we could discuss all day long that too many women devalue it. But the point is that when the ish hits the fan (and other cliches), if you haven't acted right - you will pay for it. One way or the other.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Can I kick it? Yes, I can! Y'all look at Kandi 'I Fly Above' Burress, and T.I.'s ride or die chick Tiny. And the other two. Lol. Man this brings back memories!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

aint no half steppin?

Dear readers,

Suppose you got the following text randomly:

"Do u have a boyfriend? Do want to be my girl
yes[ ] or No [ ]"

Context:

Dude asks girl's friend for her number bout 5 months ago. He calls. They talk every now and then. But he doesn't ask her out on a real date. Ever. They only been "out" twice. Once he called her while she was on her way out and she casually asked if he wanted to come with. Second time, over 3 months later, he invited her to an after work event. She went. It was cool. That's it. He likes to call and talk on the phone. But he always be on some "I was gonna ask you out but [insert lame excuse here.]"

So what to do with this text message? Is it cute? Is it funny? Insane? Something new?

Appropriate reply?

What say ya'll?

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

naivete is bliss

celebritydom is an interesting phenomenon of the 19th century. i mean don't quote me on it, i just think it is. i have always been the one to hold out for that minority of opinion contrary to others beliefs.

case in point

i would have bet my life that ev'ry thing was platonic between Jay and B during their 'Crazy in Love' video. I had to tell my bestfriend they have to sell the chemistry. She was quick to say, "naw uhh Bellini, B's shakin' is a lil' extra. you ain't doing all that unless you feelin' him." Then the BET awards rolled around and they performed their song and Jay pats her rump, and i had a hard time defending such gesture and figure it was showmanship.

or how bout, Chris and Rihanna? I didn't believe he hit her let alone breathed on her... until that damn pic came out. I still wonder had that pic never leaked, what would be the dynamics of their relationship now.

or didn't you think Jilly from philly was going to be with Mr. E Flat forever... never breakup? and although jilly is from philly, i just didn't think she'd ever express the philly in her on a record. and then she went center right of previous albums. lettin' folks know you can hate on me now. and i had shared with Courvoisier and co. that to see jilly from philly perform that song live is mind blowin', you just have to love that song upon jilly singin' live. and if you've ever been to jilly's concert where she sings 'My Love' where she lets you know she's been the other woman and Bellini gasps, i have a hard time digesting that... not jilly from philly - say it ain't so...

do ya remember kobegate? i was fooled thinkin' his ass had a squeaky clean image. i rooted for his ass too-- cussin' Colorado out, wishin' they'd leave him alone. and hoping somebody would smack that girl. oh my, was i ever so wrong i was young back then.

and although, never really cared for Tiger - who knew he had it in him to be wildin' out and such. he should just be ashamed of himself. and i can't believe ima say it-but i feel bad for Elin. This was not the life she agreed to- i think. and do you think Tiger is sorry or just sorry he got caught?

In 2010, i'll continue to live by the creed seein' is believin', hoping that i've been overexposed to celebrity shock vale and won't be amused by their antics anymore.

cheers,

Bellini

P.S. Folks Bellini will be traveling - so this is my last post until after 2010. Be safe and may God Bless. Happy New Year!!!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Need Some Advice

Okay I am totally loving the Strawberry Letter portion of the Steve Harvey Morning Show. The things people write in with you just wonder if this is someone’s real life situation or the musings of people with very active imaginations and a bunch of time on their hands. I have always had an affinity for advice columns and often try to advise prior reading what the “expert” had to opine. And let’s be real, OPP (the last P is for problems) is a tad bit more interesting than our own. *Glances at Tiger Wood’s current mistress count-9 waffle house wannabe model waitress* Riiight? Right. So that’s why I love Strawberry letter, for the pure shock value you of them, or because Strawberry Letter comes on right with the gospel station is going to commercial and the hippity-hop stations are playing Lil Wayne…again!

Now while some of these letters speak of verbal and sexual abuse-to which Amaretto gives a brief sniffle for on her way to work; it be* the nasty spectacular dramas that give me the most comedy. So I ask you good readers of the 5 spot what you would say if you were an advice columnist to the following letters received by the Steve Harvey Morning Show…

This one I heard a day or two before Thanksgiving…

**Dear Steve,
My wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I told her I wanted a threesome. So it’s the night of my birthday, the lights are off, and another person is in the room. I had the best sex I have ever had. When all was said and done and the lights turned on next to laying next to my wife is her mother. Now her mother is fine. But I wonder should I tell my father in law what happened.

Amaretto Said: Illl! Hell no, don’t tell your FIL! And what kind of woman did you marry dude? Seriously?! Your wife didn’t have a homegirl or didn’t think to ask a stranger to join in the celebration?! Craziness! Steve-pretty much said the same. I don’t know if I should feel good about being in synch with Steve Harvey or not…

This one I heard yesterday…

**Dear Steve,
I have been married to my wife for 12 years and we have 6 children. I have been sleeping with my wife’s best friend for 12 years. The thing about it is that my wife’s best friend is a man. For the past year I have also been sleeping with my wife’s father. Each of these people, including my wife knows how to rock my world. I feel I am a gay man and need to confess and come out to my family.

Amaretto Said: Illl! The babies granddaddy dude! Yucky poo! Steve-Pretty called him trifling and that he should take this to the grave. He can’t even call himself gay-he’s something else-he just likes to get done. To which I agree with Steve. Again, I don’t know if should feel good about agreeing with Steve Harvey or not…

So you few fine 5 spot advice experts out there…what advice would you give to these two poor wayward men folks?

See You In Seven


*I have suspended my proper grammar for country grammar to convey how good it is!
**Also these letters have been gistified and Amarettofied!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Love without Marriage

Good Morning ya’ll! I am really about to shake it up.

A while back I was telling Amaretto when you are wealthy, who needs marriage and she was in a state of surprise, like that was the craziest thing she ever heard come out of my mouth. (chuckle) And we all know this is not true. I have been known to think completely off the wall.
Com’on just because you have been brainwashed to believe love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage doesn’t mean it really does. I always said if I was wealthy, and in this particular convo Oprah was my point of reference, what would be the point of getting married? Oh yes… I said this while I was married, straight up and down! Mr heard and he tossed it away to my wifely ramblings because hey I wasn’t wealthy so it was irrelevant. But since it is my day and you guys like it when I talk crazy let me let CC commence her post.

First let’s put this into context… money opens up a lot of doors and alleviates many concerns. We try to imagine if money wasn’t an issue and we really can’t truly fathom it. It is like a goldfish comprehending to live in a huge fresh water lake with unlimited food. You just don’t have the capacity until you are there or have been exposed. The self restraint… please… foreign concept. I know how I am at work when they give me an inch so try and imagine if no one told me no ever!

So with that said I think about all the average day people concerns as far as marriage is concerned… let’s start with the non-financials.

1. We can co-habit
2. Sleep in the same bed every night
3. Shower together
4. Cook meals together
5. Attend events
6. Share our home
7. Throw parties
8. Raise kids in a two parent household…

I could go on but you get the point. Now, picture how you would do all of these things if you weren’t married. Come on do it… you know a bunch of people out there already doing this so keep it real… it is not even about the marriage.

Shall we examine the financials…

1. Combined income
2. Reduced health insurance
3. Reduced cost of living…

I am not even going to go any further with this one because we all know that at millionaire status this all irrelevant unless you are super frugal. The everyday average benefits of marriage don’t necessarily apply to the wealthy Jane. This is just a thought so when I hear stories about marriage behaving in a different fashion (ie. Signing bonuses, etc) I have to think something slightly different is going on there besides that regular, I love you-let’s get married and have some babies. Marriage must mean something different.

And this is true for everyone, rich or poor… marriage is different for everyone. For me it goes back to values. CC is done. (chuckle) Two people need to share the same values before they make life decisions or commitments.

Side note: Maybe that is why she went up side his head, Woods changed the value structure… he paid for her trust and 10 year-commitment at the beginning of the marriage in return for his lifestyle and loyalty and he broke the agreement. Who said this had anything to do with love? You never know.

Much luv until next week... peace :)

Friday, December 4, 2009

Pass the Peas

Well I guess it's my turn for some random ramblings/musings/thoughts swirling around in my brain, cause it's been one of those weeks. Which leads me to

1. I'm tired. Like really, really tired. Not tired of this or that. But literally tired. Like what I imagine is the definition of fatigued.

2. Something really sweet and unexpected happened to me earlier this week that reminded me that...

3. While I do believe it's perfectly acceptable to show a guy interest, give him a nudge, and maybe even ask him out, it feels good to be pursued and...

4. I should stop saying I don't like meeting new people, because it doesn't totally suck and isn't nearly as bad as I make it up to be in my head, but I've realized that...

5. While I can, (but not necessarily do) talk to "anyone", just anyone can't talk to me and truly understand and enjoy the greatness that is Rum Punch. And I hate being watered down Rum Punch.

6. God is funny.

7. Sometimes what you think was. Wasn't. Not really. But you don't truly realize that until. Until you do.

8. I am on a 24 hour champagne diet, spillin' while I'm sippin', I encourage you to try it. I have been singing Money to Blow for the past week. And I don't know why I love that song so much cause Birdman's part sucks, Lil' Wayne is just a rambling fool these days and...

9. I can't stand Drake. Like at all. And yet that's a song that makes me wish I went to clubs, so I could act a fool and make it rain, I mean make it precipitate and also makes me

10. wish I had money to blow. And...

11. Some magical powers to teleport me and all my stuff from mama n'em's house to new house.

12. Earlier this week I went to the doctor and she said, "so you're 2 years from crossing the burning sands of 30 huh?" And I was like, "yeah. Thanks for the reminder." She also told me,

13. that I need to lose weight. And I was like, "yeah. Thanks for the reminder." Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna be battling this weight forever. This must be how Oprah feels. Only she has money to blow.

14. I also got a tetanus shot while at the doctor. I hate shots and made it known. And when it was all done she said, "just think you won't have to go through this pain for another 10 years. Now wouldn't it be great if that was the only painful thing that happened to you in 10 years?" Yes. It totally would. But then it wouldn't be life, I guess.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

no title

I really liked the random musings. Got my own lil twist with some 20 questions flavor. Like to hear it, here it go...

1. How do you get sugar from a sugar daddy without coming out and asking "daddy can I have some sugar?"

2. Can a man ever just send you a "friendly" bouquet of flowers?

3. Marriage aint for everybody. And like phonte say, you might not know that till you get married.

4. Is it racist if you can't stand the sound of the voices of a particular race's female members only?

5. Should a woman ever make the first move and ask a man out?

6. Did curiosity really kill the cat or was it that thing the cat did that she aint had no business doing?

7. Some days I wanna be married but then when I think about the actual mechanics of it or meet some guy who I'm not feeling who flirtatiously tells me he is looking for a wife, I have a change of heart.

8. I'm really lovin' Gossip Girl right now. I firmly believe it's the best show on tv right now. The drama. The comedy. It's like the White tween's The Game.

9. Who needs fidelity when you're married to the one of the richest people in the world? So long as you don't disrespect the family wit no outside kids and national enquirer front page stories. Keep that shit discreet and for physical gratification purposes only.

10. Nude lip colors are supercute on peeps like Beyonce, J.Lo, and the random super model. How does it work for chocolate girls like me? Do I need to find a chocolate colored lip gloss to achieve that look?

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

in the meantime

I am on the phone for the umpteenth time with the Passport office trying to locate why a passport of the expidited variety is not at my residence. And wonderin' how and why egregious incompetence exist in an ever-more rapidly technological society... grrrrr....

Folks, I apologize for being MIA. Last week was Thanksgiving Eve and between a partial work-day, acquiring last minute grocery items, and hittin' the gym; too exhausted to blog or let ya know. And then the week prior, I was attending a conference and the hotelier was stingy about wireless services, so I gave up.

Now since I've been away, some funny and not so funny things have transpired.

Did you all watch the presidential address last night? I caught it from the beginning on the ABC network. The cadets looked sleepy, I don't drink coffee, but a cup of something would have been right on time to perk our servicemen up. Even a few senior officers were caught trying not to doze off. Hilarity! speaking of Hillary, this is the first time since the Democratic campaign when she wasn't caught looking so damn tired. Perhaps the fact that not so lil' Chelsea is gettin' married is enought to spring life back in to Mama.

OMG, Tiger damn Woods. This story is a trip and I have to share why. Back in the day, maybe sophmore year in college there was a loud ass black woman in my class. Let's call her Bonita. Bonita was in her 30s at the time and desired to finish school to propel vertical movement in her career and set an example for her teenage daughter. So back then, when Tiger was the prince of golf and not the King he has become to be - she shared her two cents on him. "How the hell is Tiger dating the nanny?" IDK, 'cuz he like her. "Well, if Ms.Scandinavia had been a sista, she' have to be of the Jack & Jill variety, impeccable parental credentials ,...." and I tuned out of the conversation from there. Be'cuz to Bonita, she was right and sometimes hearing her two cents on things was the comedic relief needed at the end of the long ass psych class. So, you have to know I had flashbacks about Bonita, when Tiger's story broke out. tee hee tee hee You know jilly from philly always said ev'ry thing ain't for ev'rybody! So, what I would like to say to Bonita is sometimes your rant was much ado about nothing!

poor Sheila Dixon?!? Sheila Dixon is the mayor of Baltimore. What happened???... I have yet to hit up my friend who has ties to the Baltimore establishment and get some inside scoop. Before I share my two cents, let me remind folks of a few things. If you owe Uncle Sam and it's not an exorbitant amount, let's say $500 he'll allow you to repay him back. How do I know? I know several people who owe Uncle Sam and they're on a plan to pay him back. I know folks who missed paying in their rent on time and caught up by the following month-penalties incurred, but all is good. So, Mayor Dixon was found guilty of spending $500 giftcards meant for the poor in Baltimore. And the giftcards gifted to the city came from a developer who was Mayor Dixon's former lover. Ladies, ladies, do we not hear Bellini --- don't eva, eva, eva late a man fcuk up your shit!

Can you believe the Mayor may be suspended indefinitely from finishing her term and could lose her pension over $500 that she could have paid back. Lord, legal fees may crush her.

So, my passport which should have traveled down the east coast last night, is actually traveling now, be'cuz someone's lazy ass in the Passport office could not find the time to get off their ass and handcarry the passport to the mailroom for pick-up which would have guaranteed the courier's delivery today. They have no idea the irate letter waiting for them upon completion of the draft...

And to finish with good news... 28 days 'til the New Year! yaayyyy!

cheers,

Bellini

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Feeling Sad?

It seems to be going around like the piggy flu these days. Now that it gets darker earlier more of the folks I know are complaining about being tired and blue. Well like in all things the folks that be have given this feeling a name. They came up with SAD. I know I know, did it really take a team of scientists and some Freudian disciples to develop this term? “Road Rage” and “Sexting” have greater rings to them don’t they? But alas, Seasonal Affective Disorder is running rampant at my good ole government job. People are oversleeping, have a lack of energy and concentration. People tend to over eat when they are SAD. True story-today at Chipotle the woman in front of me order three meat tacos and a meat topped salad. So what, right? Well she got it for “Here” and she ate alone. Now I’m not scientist-but I think that lady was SAD or at least the situation was. As a big girl who enjoys her food-when I feeling the greedies I tend to take my stuff to go. Binging should be done in the privacy of one’s home, in front of the tv with optional or comfortable clothing. *Ahem* But I digress.

So why am I talking about being SAD? Because there is a cure-and I got nothing else this week. How can I say that when Elgin-er Tiger Woods still hasn’t told us if his wife beat him up with his golf clubs?! So the cure for Sadness apparently it is light! My coworker was telling me today that she was hitting up Amazon.com in search of a light therapy lamp for her desk. So I was like “What you talking about co-worker?” To which she enlightened me. She’s been feeling tired and sad a lot lately and she believe that this whole light therapy treatment will be her cure. I wondered if this was really and truly possible. Not some hubbub thrown together by a mystic or one of those hippy people trying to get their insurance company to pay for a trip to Jamaica for medical reasons! So when I got back to my desk I went to go to Google University for a quick lesson. It was like a whole new world ya’ll. I felt like Columbus in 1492, discovering something that had already been found. You would think that this was only big business in Alaska, or maybe part of the lore on par with the Loch Ness monster. But SAD and
it’s therapy are real! And adults in places other than California, Florida and the southwest are suffering.

So if you suddenly find yourself feeling sad don’t blame it on the alcohol or the fact that another year is just around the corner and you haven’t accomplished all that you aspired to. I am here to tell you that science, medicine and maybe even the light bulb industry have named your ailment. You are just SAD. Don’t you feel better now that you know what you got? Once the days get longer, or you buy a lamp this feeling will soon pass. Oh wouldn’t it be nice if doctors could prescribe all expense paid trips to Caribbean? Do you think Obama could sneak that into the healtcare plan?


I know I’m an idealist!

See You In Seven

Monday, November 30, 2009

Random Ramblings

This is my first time kicking one of these out... (clear my throat)

1. Found a new blog site to read at leisure that makes you raise eyebrow at times: http://vigilantcitizen.com

2. Realized I love Lady Gaga even though she is VERY strange.

3. Finding the social experiment of Match.com entertaining.

4. Happy and confident that I decided to continue to focus my energy on my passion and not be wooed by Big Corporate America

5. Considered calling an old fling after watching him on TV last night... decided against it. The past is the past.

6. I still miss Mr.

7. Finally got rid of cable so now I can seriously consider renting my own artist studio space.

8. I don't really want to go home for Christmas, does that make me a bad daughter?

9. Sometimes I wish booty calls didn't exist especially when they actually wake you up.

10. I ate too much on Thursday... working out with a cold is going to kill me this week.
Much luv until next week peace :)

P.S. Did I really have a crush on this guy in the '90s?

Friday, November 27, 2009

525,600 Minutes

So this is my third post Thanksgiving post. Two years ago I wrote about Big Mamas. Or the lack thereof. Last year, my post was cut short, because someone had broken into my car. And that leads me to the point of this year’s post. Dang really – have two years really gone by?!? I don’t even know what I was thinking about two years ago – unless I read my old posts. And my car being broken into a year ago seemed like such a HUGE deal – if only I had known that months later it would actually get stolen. Lol. And when I think of these things it causes me to wanna break out into song and start singing, “525,600 minutes. How do you measure, measure a year?”

"525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?" Seasons of Love, Rent the Musical

Last November I was unemployed, living with my mama, knee deep in like with this man. A year later – I work a job that I love, I have bought a house, and I am now waist deep in dislike with that nygga. Trying to get it down to the knees though. Lol. And so how does one measure a year like that? One can’t count the joy and ignore the pain. One can’t focus solely on the many tears that were shed and forget that there was lots of laughter there too. And one must be grateful for the good, bad and the that sho’ll was ugly – cause it’s all there for a reason.

And so I measure this year in the ordinary. In the everyday. Not in the extremes, but in the things that kept me sane and grounded. The simple things, the lovely, simple things. My grandmama’s Thursday fried chicken and biscuit dinners; weekly Bible Study with my old folk; my daily gmail chats with Mint Julep full of rants, philosophies, and gripes on men folk; great trips with 5 spot; dozens of little girls from the hood telling me how much they love the program I provide thus making me love my job even more; this here blog; my mama’s smile; my parents empty bed that I climb into when I’m feeling blue to watch TV or nap; lazy Saturday afternoons with marathons of The Game; my three aunties whose houses always serve as refuge and whose ears are always open; my daddy calling me beautiful; my brother and I sharing a laugh at anything, everything and nothing in particular; my drive to and from work that serves as me-time where I sing loudly and dance to my favorite songs - regardless of if white people are lookin at me; free drinks from my bartender boos; dinners with the girls where things start with a giggle, then become a laugh, then guffaws; my mama and granny seeing me off every morning like it’s my first day of school telling me to have a great day; my afternoon tea; evening TV watching; annual family gatherings and regular church services. And in all of that ordinary, in all of that everyday, there were unexpected lessons. But even better there was love. Lots of love. And for that I am thankful.




That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Silent Tears

So this morning I am in the bathroom at work changing from workout Amaretto to I got bills to pay Amaretto when I hear a woman walk into the bathroom sniffling. Now I have to share that I was in the handicap stall because it’s larger and has a mirror and sink and as a whole handicap stalls make the public bathroom experience so much better. And so I wonder why all stalls can’t be handicap stalls? Why limit the disabled? Why punish the non-handicapped with a coffin-like bathroom experience? Sorry-I am just typing what randomly is coming into my head, but I do think I need to write someone and propose that all bathroom stalls be handicapped stalls!

Anyways, I also realized while typing that I didn’t really need to let ya’ll know that I was in the handicapped stall, but I wanted you two fine readers of the 5 spot to know why I was so a tuned to what was going on in the bathroom. A disabled person will cuss you out for using their stall. No bull-my grandma learned that the hard way when walking out of a handicapped stall there was a lady in a wheelchair waiting. What is the likelihood right? But if all the stalls had been able to accommodate a wheelchair my grandma would not have had to apologize so vehemently to a woman half her age. But we live and we learn!

Anyways I’m in the stall and I keep hearing the woman sniff. At first I was like she has a cold. But as it continued my mind flashed to movie scenes in which people are doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom, but most folks in my building are getting government wage to go with their good government job which means that they can’t afford the designer drugs. So then I hear the woman say “Oh God’ *sniffle* “Oh God” *whimper* *sniffle* and that is the moment where I was conflicted… should I ask the woman if she was okay?

I think most of us know what to do when a person needs help. A person’s bag of groceries breaks and food falls to the ground-we stop and we help-maybe take an apple for our troubles. When our bathroom neighbor needs some toilet tissue we spare the square © Elaine from Seinfeld. But when our bathroom neighbor enters the stall to have a personal breakdown should we ask them if they are okay?

Now I have to tell ya’ll that this thing called life has had me in the bathroom crying more than a river. I mean even though I might have tried as hard as I could to hold back the tears or to blame my reddening eyes on allergies, some times a girl (I don’t know if men feel the same) has to get up and go into the ladies room. But this morning, I didn’t know what my role should have been as a hearer of tears. I don’t think I would have appreciated someone trying to console me in the bathroom during my weak moments. A woman crying in a bathroom stall is there because she needs a private place to not be strong for a minute.

I think I did the right thing by walking out, but hours later I am wondering if maybe I should I have asked if she was okay or needed a tissue. What is the proper procedure for when a fellow woman feels disabled by life?

See You In Seven

Monday, November 23, 2009

Everybody is Healing...

Last week at a funeral, the pastor said... everyone's life is in one of three stages... 1. Going through something, 2. Getting out of something and 3. About to go through something. This is so true as I was reminded last night.


Case and Point
Last night I had an awesome time chilling with a few of my clay studio buddies over a couple bowls of chili. Every year on the night of the Philadelphia marathon, I am invited to their house to part-take in a little celebratory dinner with anywhere from 7 to 10 different types of chili. Last year I passed on this get together because I honestly didn’t want to get too close to them. I was comfortable with the little that they knew about me.


Well last night I was like who cares, just go, you won’t get asked any million dollar questions. What are the million dollar questions you ask? I will tell you later keep reading.


So, Amaretto can attest to this… I go through this moment of convincing myself on the way to the event that I am just going to say Hi, smile and I am out and needless to say that never happens. And this night was no different. I get there. Old school soul music is playing… who don’t like James Brown? There is a smorgasbord of topping and sides (pasta, rice, cornbread, fajitas, salsa, sour cream, avocado, multiple cheeses, peppers, etc) are on the first table and as I enter the kitchen, there are 10 pots on heat being keep warm with ladles. There is everything from veggie to lobster to catfish to bison to beef chili. YUMMY! So maybe I won’t be able to do a quick smile and Hi. (chuckle)


Okay, okay 2 spoonfuls and a two glasses of wine later, everyone is loose and the getting to know each other begins. My follow studio-mate turns to me and says she is really nervous about her interview tomorrow. And I say really why? Then she was like I have been rather worried about interviewing since I lost my job. UH? Hold up when did you lose your job? I couldn’t stop myself before it came out... that was a million dollar question. If you ask a million dollar question don’t surprised if you get hit with one too. (chuckle)


No turning back now. My studio-mate goes on to tell me that she took a break from her nursing job because she was addicted to the painkillers that were prescribed to her 2 years ago for a shoulder incident. She explained that she took a voluntary break from her job but the medication they used in rehab contained ingredients that caused to fail her drug test when it was time to return, therefore she has been unemployed for the past 6 months. (BTW – She is a nurse and we live talking about Nurse Betty in class.) WHOA! This is some crazy mess. Chica! We were just at the movies the other day together.


She then goes on to say it feels so good to get that off her chest because it had been bothering her for a while and she felt like she had to keep up this pretense. OMG! The chili wasn’t the only thing burning up on my insides. I totally knew what she was feeling. Coming into the studio week after week, night after night, sharing our lives as we work. Calling clay work a hobby when for many of us it was therapeutic. Studio nights had become a safe haven for more than one person other than myself.

Should I share this with her? I don’t know.


Just a couple of weeks ago, I had this same conversation with another friend about how I don’t have the heart to tell my studio-mates, that I am divorced. I know, I know, nobody cares but it just seems so hard to say it the first time to anyone who knew you as a married woman. It doesn’t matter who you are. So I totally understand how she feels.


At that point, I whispered in her ear… while you were hiding behind your smiles week after week, I was doing the same thing as I went through a divorce.


Silent hug.


Much luv until next week… peace and a hug :)



Friday, November 20, 2009

Fear of Flying

So originally I was gonna write a post titled, “sometimes I wish I were a whore”, and discuss my frustration with this thing called ain’t getting none (by choice). That was gonna be the whole point of the post. But then I thought that might offend any part time whores who do read this here blog. And it might be overshare. So then I decided to write about my relationship fears/phobias/I don't know if I could handle the following:

You Told Me This Already –
So in case you couldn’t tell, I’m a storyteller. And when I tell a story, I have to polish the silver, get out the china, set the table with the fine linen and napkins, make the sweet tea, pour the ice water, before I can serve you the meal. And sometimes I forget what I say. And I end up telling the same story over again. Or being like, "wait. Did I tell you this already?" And that’s a pain for the listener. But can you imagine years and years of that? I was in Bible Study last night and this couple who has been married for 57 years (57 YEARS?!?!) was in there. So the husband tells this story that even I had heard before. And there was his wife, eyes half closed, just nodding along, and I was sitting there like, “I wonder if she’s thinking, ‘If I hear this story one more daggone time.’” I halfway wanted her to jump up on the chair and be like STOP TELLING THIS STORY! IT HAPPENED TO YOU 52 YEARS AGO! WHO CARES ANYMORE? But then it was her turn and she told a story that I’m sure he had heard over and over and over. And he sat. And "listened.." And I sat in awe and amazement.

Other Couples – I love my friends. But more importantly I like my friends. Enjoy talking to them. Hanging out with them. Going on trips with them. I know all their likes, dislikes and idiosyncracies. We got this friendship thing down to a tee. But what if I don’t love or even like your friends? And yet he continues to insist that we do things with them. Dinners. Vacations. Play dates and birthday parties with their kids. One time my ex went out with his friend and left me in the house with the friend’s girl. OMG. She was one of those people who talked and talked and talked. And talked some more. And I sat there wanting to hit her in the head with a frying pan. Not to kill her or anything. Just stun her into silence. But all I had were those cheap Walmart skillets, so that was a no go. And then we started going on double dates. I could not imagine years and years of that. And yet it's kinda rude to be like, "I don't really like hanging with them," no? Cause I mean he might not like all my friends. And there I am on the phone, making plans, asking him if Friday night is good for him for a Bid Whist and fish fry night...

Other People’s Family – You know how other people think their families are the mostest? And that totally makes sense cause it’s they family. But one day my homegirl and I were at this graduation party for these two guys’ and it was mostly their family – hanging, talking, laughing and she said, “I hate other people’s families.” And I totally got it. Cause you know they have their own quirks, and inside jokes and they be lookin’ at you all up and down when you come into a room. Or taking notes on if you lack any home training. Or asking you to help peel the potatoes or clear the table. And since I’m the most unthoughtful person, I can’t imagine having to do woman’s work in the kitchen. Or trying to impress someone’s mama by doing the dishes – as I witnessed with one couple. Sometimes I secretly wish that my future husband/boyfriend/whatever be an orphan who was like raised by very, very polite wolves. And so now he’s out in the world all alone, looking for someone to love him like his mama wolf who is sadly now dead (so I don't even have to go into the woods to visit her) because they had to get rid of the wolves cause they were eating all the deer and small children and throwing nature off balance.

And because I’m the type of person who even takes the time to think of these kind of things, when it’s not even my reality – which apparently is not a good thing, one should focus on the present and not the whatifs, or the maybes, or the Lord please don't send me thats – I’m sure that God is gonna have some fun with me when he does send me someone. It’ll probably be a man with like 12 brothers and sisters, with two big mommas who are 98 and 101 respectively, who was on line with 125 other guys and is friends with all of em, who has just as many stories as I do and forgets what he tells me.

Or not. Cause I know that whatever I get, however it comes, will be exactly what I need while it might simultaneously push me outta my comfort zone. Cause the other thing the couple from Bible Study shared is how they had seen Precious the other day, in the middle of the afternoon, and how he had fallen asleep and she woke him up cause it cost $8.75 a piece ya hear, only for him to fall asleep again, and yet he still had lots of commentary about a less than 2 hour movie it sounds like he missed half of. And I found that, well - precious. And so it made all my fears and worries about my imaginary relationship seem futile. Cause from what I've observed when you get the person you're supposed to get. And you like them. Like really like them. Well you can deal with the rest. Somehow. But I'm still kinda hoping for that raised by wolves thing...

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

catching (and releasing) feelings




Now, look, I ain't trying to get in your business... but, I mean I do know a little something about being pissed. I mean, it's all - You know, it's all just feelings, man. From females to friends to funerals... it's all about the feelings. I just want you to recognize the difference between what you feel and what's real. That way you don't look back on life with a bunch regret.
Uncle George from ATL

earlier this year i  randomly met this guy.  literally walked by him, said hello and smiled.  he liked what he saw and tracked me down through a friend of mine.  and then over a meal i learned more about him.  and i liked what i heard.  a lot.  and it seemed like he liked me too.  and the way i felt when i talked to him, when i saw him, when i was around him seemed to be like nothing i had ever experienced in my life. 

but very shortly thereafter things sort of sputtered out.  mainly because dude was married.  while he said he was "separated, but um, i need to see them papers.  papers.  papers." (c) rum punch/usher remix.  nothing happened between us and i didn't feel comfortable remaining in contact with him given that he wasn't truly making moves toward divorce.

but i really liked him.  felt a special kinda way about him. or so i thought.

i went on with my life.  but inside i wondered, what the hell was that? he was feelin me just as much as i was feelin him. right? right?!?

wrong.  it was all just feelings.  the heart flutters, the nervousness, the uncontrollable smiles at the thought of him.  all just feelings.  and as a pisces i love love, romance, and feelings.  unfortunately feelings can get you in a whole lot of trouble without a heaping side order of reality.

so often we get swept up in the moment.  in the feelings.  and then we find ourselves in too deep.  in relationships where in reality, it's all f'ed up.  dysfunctional.  not healthy.  you say he just gets frustrated some times, when really he's verbally and physically abusive when things don't go his way.  he's does chores around the house and fixes things in your place that are broken, when really he live with his mama so he's always over to your house cause he don't got a place of his own.  he says he's not ready for a serious relationship when he actually is just passing the time with you until he meets the real woman of his dreasms. 

so we always have to balance our feelings with reality.  usually through sisterfriends, mothers, fathers or through the voices in our own heads.  like the homie rum punch, "of course he was enthralled with you, he had nothing to lose, so that type of enthralled doesn't count."  exactly!

the real was i met a married guy who was nice.  end of story.
it had nowhere to go cause he wasn't moving.
how i felt about him didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.
just like i met him, i'll meet someone else.
just think a year ago, i didn't even know his name.
so just imagine the people i don't know now who i may know in a few days/weeks/months.
half of my closest friends now, i didn't even know in 2008 before moving to this new job, this new city.

that makes me smile.  that's my reality.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Throwback Tuesday part I

My apologies ya'll, its another crazy day in la officina and I am trying to fight off the cold my coworker brought up in here-why don't people just stay home when they are sick? I think me myself personally will be leaving working early myself! So I am going to have to give ya'll another Amaretto throwback. I wrote this over two years ago and I think the sentiment still rings true, where is the time going?

See You In Seven
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Holding Back the Years

I can’t believe that it’s already November. What happened to those seemingly endless summer days of childhood? Seriously, what happened to this past summer? As the calendar keeps advancing I keep pushing deadlines for personal goals farther back. As Stormy said, 30 is the new 20 right? So having it all together which includes-career, doting husband, 2.5 kids, house (maybe in a gated community) and all around fabulousness-can wait until I’m forty, because I don’t think I’ll have it all within the next four years. And while I don’t want, nor plan to wait that long, I do wish I could hold time back a bit.

A couple weeks ago I ran into a dude I went to high school with. He was neither friend nor foe so I was going to act like I didn’t see him. But he decided to say hello and so we got to talking, well gossiping about our former classmates. He told me about so and so who lost their mind in college drinking and “experimenting.” And about such and such who quit her job because she’s engaged to some rich guy. And he, himself was expecting his first child with a girlfriend. So many changes have occurred for some people yet sometimes I feel like I’m in the exact same place I was nearly ten years ago.

These type of conversations get one to being introspective and I began to think about young Amaretto and the person she was. Back in the day, it was so important to get my crush to notice me. So I would plan to accidentally bump into him in the hallway. There was always a plan to smoke and drink at someone’s house when their parents were away. And Friday and Saturday nights were spent cruising the streets in a friend’s broke down car-sanging along with the radio. Good times! But along with the trivial there were plans for what my adult self would do…

I guess this is what getting older is like. Planning, living, revising, reminiscing, wondering, and letting go. This song has been speaking to me lately. It was hot when I was like four and the video’s fashions are quite hilarious. But this British group, Simply Red must have known that folks would be able to relate to the feeling and fear of wasting our limited time…


video


Don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to my future and keeping my past where it belongs- behind me. It’s just sometimes I think about young Amaretto who really thought I would have it all together by thirty. Such a lofty, and maybe slight crazy, goal-but even still, I don’t want to fail us. Occasionally I wish time would slow up, but since that’s not going to happen I’ll keep striving during these years to make young Amaretto’s dreams my reality.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Life's Order

Excuse me if I sound like Amaretto today but this weekend totally reminded me that life works out differently for everyone. So why are we still saying that life’s story is written this way?
  • Graduate form high school
  • Go to College
  • Graduate from college
  • Get a good job
  • Get married
  • Buy a house
  • Have children
  • Live happily ever after
Supposedly in this order is the best way and the most common way to get to the happily ever after. Well I am about to say out of all the people I know this has worked for only 10%. Real digits.

Much luv until next week… peace and Wale (like whale without the h? or Wales without the s? chuckle)


Friday, November 13, 2009

Me, Myself and I

Localicious, do you watch Girlfriends? I’m asking Localicious because I know that she’s definitely our one reader. Lol. No, I’m kidding. Everyone out there, do y’all watch Girlfriends? Do you remember how after Toni married Dr. Todd, she found out that he was broke and deep in debt – which meant they were in deep debt, and yet she went out and bought this ridiculously expensive purse? That was kinda selfish.

And while Toni was never the most generous person, she definitely didn’t try to make any significant character changes once she got married. I mean ideally it should happen before you got married as you’re working on you (heh), but definitely after you got married, you should start learning the word sacrifice. And compromise. And wrong.

Anyway. I have been thinking about how one can become set in their ways. Settled in their singleness. Comfortable being companionless. I know an older woman who has never been married, who rarely dates, who recently got asked out by a seemingly nice man. And she hesitated. And seemed kinda annoyed by it. Like how dare he come all up in my space, wasting my time, asking me out on a date. Now, here I am at 28, like SQUEAAALLL!!! Are you gonna go? What are you gonna wear? And so on. And she’s looking at me like, “chile please.”

And as I get older and roam this Earth alone and start not really minding that I’m alone, I wonder, what will happen if someone comes into my life? Will I be able to consider someone else’s feelings? I mean the last time I was in a real relationship, if I came home from dinner and had leftovers – I hid them in the vegetable crisper cause I didn’t want to share!!!! That’s kinda selfish. Lol.

And um I’m still that same person. Probably worse now cause I really haven’t been with nobody in forever. But when there’s no one to hold a mirror to your relationship behavior, how do you know how you’ll be? Or how do you know that you'll be better than you used to be? And if you do know the things that you should change, your growth opportunities as it were, is it worth trying to become a better person when it feels like you might be alone for what seems like infinity?

And so then I was thinking about how maybe, perhaps, people who get all used to being single, alone, by they damn self, end up missing their blessing because wrapped up in their comfort can be routine and resistance. The routine of going from work to home to work to church to home to gym to work to hanging with the same friends to work to home. Vacation! Work to home to work. Resistance to newness. Resistance to changing one's self, or character, or circumstances. Or even just stepping out there into the unkown.

Cause being alone, even though there can be gripes and complaints, is easy. You know what to expect when it's just you. You don't have to answer to anybody. Or ask somebody what they want to eat. And then cook it. You know where you keep everything. And you know how you like everything kept. And you don't have "time" (that's in air quotes cause in reality you do have the time) or patience for no one to come messing things up. But maybe that's all just a front cause you're afraid of being part of a two cause you know that ish is hard. That is ish takes work. That ish takes all of you.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

You get the live, long version, cause Sony won't let me put up the video which I love! Shaking my fist at the man!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

words of wisdom for road weary women


over the weekend, i got into one of my bi-monthly funks.  you know how you just get annoyed with everything and everybody.  on saturday i was kinda feelin that way.  i was a lil sick and tired of living the single life.  f' what you heard. sometimes a woman needs the comfort of a man.  not sporadically but every day of the week.  to come home to.  to build with.  to pour all your love into.  or at least to accompany you to the late night spot to dance to ?uestlove on the turntables until the sun comes up.  i'm just sayin...


yes that was me.  and i still believe that women shouldn't be hunting marriage for marriage's sake.  marriage aint all its cracked up to be.  and what snapped me outta my funk this weekend was a call from a male friend of mine.  he got married this past june and is now feeling like his marriage is falling apart.  as i listened to him vent i had a couple of thoughts:

what that got to do wit me?
damn gina....you aint made it 6 months!!
ima need people to stop, look, pray, & discuss before they leap into marriage 

after talking to him, i let out a long sigh of relief.  despite all the challenges of being single, at least i don't have the headache of being legally tied to someone who i'm having second thoughts about sharing the rest of my life with.

and then, as i  usually do when i need to vent, i talked to rum punch about it and she made me feel soo much better.

me: yeah, ima just gon head and be single for [insert indefinite time period here] 
rum punch: lmao, that really made me laugh

me: craziness all around
rum punch: well you'll be single, until you’re not single cause someone worth your time will make u not wanna be single :-)

words to live by!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

100 Yard Dash

Some my favorite music genre lies somewhere between Earth Wind and Fire and the Delfonics. Thanks to Mamma and Pappa Amaretto I love, enjoy and appreciate most music that was weeeeell before my time. When music was played by musicians and not computers. When singers could actually sang...and they looked like regular imperfect people-fat, ugly, wore their wigs crooked. I think those are the good ole days. I like the songs from the 60s and 70s because their songs were subtle. I'm not saying that folks weren't trying to get all up in each other's pants, but men at least took women to dinner first. They were all mad about having to buy a little $8 drink!

Take Slave's Watching You.

Do you notice that this song song is about stalking? I remember being in the car with my dad driving and we are both grooving when I realized this man is stalking this chick. But it was so clever and almost sweet. R. Kelly could never pull this off! Instead I get to hear how R. Kelly talking Invented Sex. Really Mister Kelly? Ugh!

Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong decade. I'm an eighties baby with a sixties baby's soul. I think that's why I am totally feeling this song. Raphael is channeling some good stuff with this!

Did you notice that he's singing about his attraction to this woman? He's not trying to "Superman" her or have her lick his Lollipop...well maybe he is. But I like the fact that he wants to sing her a little song first!

See You In Seven

Monday, November 9, 2009

Forever!

Friday, November 6, 2009

Albums in the Key of Life

So apparently I be thinking hard on Fridays. So today, Ima try to keep it easy, breezy, beautiful Cover girl! Yesterday, whilst working, surfing the nets, counting down the hours and listening to Pandora, some Floetry song came on. I skipped it. And then said to myself, “self. You have never been a big fan of Floetry.” And then myself responded and was like, “that is soo true. I wonder why that is.” I mean they (the original ladies) made good enough music and I am partial to all things Neo Soul, but for some reason they just didn’t do much for me. I think it was that first song, “I’m the flocist and she’s the songtress.” With the bright ass video with the row house pumping. Mint Julep, do you remember how it would come on Vh1 Soul all the daggone time? Anyway. As usual I digress.

So anyway this got me thinking about which artists I love lots. And then which songs. And then which albums. And which albums I could play allll the time. Even if I just played it out yesterday. And the day before that. You know what I mean? Those albums that just personally resonate with you. Cause when you play it, you know instantly the impact it had on your life, it takes you back and you remember the good, bad, ugly, and the everything in between about that particular moment/time/experience in your life. The albums you could play backwards, forwards, and sideways. When you don’t skip noooo songs. Even the ones you don’t really like, you still let it play. The albums that are classic in your life – even if everyone else is like, “are you still rocking this like it’s 2001/1998/1984?” Hellz yeah! Ok in no particular order, here are some of mine:

Erykah Badu, Mama’s Gun – I didn’t used to listen to this entire album when it first came out. I fell in love with I'm In Love With You and ignored the rest of the album. But then this guy who I was messing with and who used to smoke (and I’m not talking cigarettes) had it on one night and I was like, “what song is this from her album? I never listen to this.” And he was on some, “nah baby you gotta start this from the beginning and let it ride.” And so one day I did. And the rest is history. I can let that joint ride a whole ride.

Love Jones Soundtrack – Um need I say more? I didn’t think so. By the time you get to Sentimental Mood, panties should be hanging from the ceiling fan.

Outkast, Aquemini – From Return of the G, to The Art of Storytellin’, to Rosa Parks to SpottieOttieDopaliscious aka Damn, Damn, Damn, James, this album has some classic Outkast’s lyrics - that if you recite a line to a fan, they are certain to give you the next one. Plus this was also still kind of before all the white people knew who they were.

Maxwell, MTV Unplugged aka Urban Hang Suite Live – Now the ladies at 5 Spot know that I don’t love me some Maxwell. But I do love me that live album. Yes Lawd. Panties should just get thrown up to the sky and never come back down when this is on.

Jill Scott, Beautifully Human – So like every Black chick, I too loved me some Who Is Jill Scott, but I think that Beautifully Human is a more cohesive album. Cause honestly on Who Is, after Slowly Surely, I skip past that magic number and that "protest" song watching me, watching me with her just trying to buy some batteries - to end of the album. But Beautifully Human has some gems: Talk to Me, I Keep, Whatever, that bass line on Not Like Crazy - stays on repeat.

Outkast Andre 3000, The Love Below/Kanye West, College Dropout - I put them together because they came out round the same time and my ex kept both bootlegs in the car. And so I just have fond memories of bobbing my head, talking ish and riding aimlessly through Atlanta. Soo in love. And I mean when else would I actually sit and listen to My Favorite Things except during Christmas time? And I'm sure we all remember being like, "word Andre 3000 is singing now?" And then being like, "and who is this nygga Kanye West who think he's the shyt?" We'd soon find out wouldn't we?

Lil’ Kim Hardcore - Sophomore year of High School – If it weren't for Ms. Kim Jones, how else would I have learned not to be scared of the dyck and the importance of throwing lips to the shyt and handling it like a real bytch? Ahhhh... I'm sure just knowing those lines alone makes my mama proud.

Lauryn Hill aka Ms. Hill, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill – Check the previously written post and know that I used to have it on tape! TAPE! And me, Bellini and Dark and Stormy wore it out our whole Senior year of High School. And then I bought the CD in like 2002 and played it like it had just came out yesterday. There is something about still knowing alllll the words to every single song of an album that came out over 10 years ago. Whew.

That's just a sample. I didn't even get into the old school albums. Or my honorable mentions. So, what are some of your classic albums?

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!