The Work Hearse

Ok good people. Let’s get it. Let me tell y’all something about Rum Punch. I hate work. Now this doesn’t mean that I don’t or won’t work – there was a time when my family nicknamed me 'Jamaican woman' cause I was working three jobs at a time. I used to go to one job. Take a nap at home, in the car, wherever. Go to my other job. Work the late night. And then be up at 6 in the am to do it all again. So I will work to pay for the lifestyle to which I have made myself accustomed– trips to fun places. Being able to purchase cute purses. Shoes. house. Working just enough so I can get just what I want, but don’t really need no extra. And by extra I mean that extra that comes along with the business of work.

See I just want to come in, do my lil’ job, eat my cheese sandwich © Bernie Mac, get my hours of sick and vacay which I will use accordingly thank ya very much, collect my bi-weekly check and be out. I don’t wanna hear bout yo’ kids. I don’t hafta to go to lunch with you. I don’t wanna work my way up and climb some metaphorical ladder. I didn’t come here to make friends – I have those in my real life. I don’t wanna go to no stinkin happy hours. Or schmooze with the bosses. I don’t want to exchange business cards so we can connect. Network. And build. And talk about work some more. I don’t wanna gossip bout other co-workers. Heh. No, I take that one back. But what I don’t wanna do is be pulled into co-worker’s mess and drama with other co-workers. I don’t need no extra.

And yet God stays having a sense of humor cause right now I’m going through it at work. With a co-worker who isn’t hardly pulling her weight. Who falls asleep on the job. Who has a laissez faire – which is apparently French for I don’t gives two fux – attitude. The managers are afraid of her. HR ain’t touching her. She is persona nom grata around the office and her lack of work is affecting my work. You see because we are a “team.” And we have individual goals, but an overall team goal and she ain’t doing her part. And I’m tired of her being so extra. Extra lazy. Extra tired all the time. Always ready to go home at 10 in the am – heffa you just got here! And I’m bout ready to whup some ass.

Not just cause she ain’t pulling her weight, but because our program targets and serves girls in underprivileged neighborhoods in DC. That’s why I took this job. And I’m committed to doing a great job and making sure they receive a great service.

But y'all know I hate work, right? Riiight. And yet at the same time I curse my mama and daddy for raising me to have a work ethic and to hate mediocrity even more! And this heffa ain’t even mediocre – she’s subpar! And while it grinds my gears that she gets paid for such – it annoys me even more that there are hundreds of little Black and Brown girls missing out on a much needed program cause she don’t feel like doing it.

And no one’s making her. And she’s ok with that. I mean I guess she’s made it this far in life - putting in little or not effort. Why stop now? But this behavior just baffles me. Do you really need a manager on your ass to encourage force you to do your work? I mean daggone it they gave us a goal to make for the year and I’m determined to make it. Maybe it’s the Leo in me. Maybe it’s the instilled values. Maybe it’s because the man has me brainwashed to want to eat dangling carrots. Maybe I’m becoming one of those people who actually likes their job and wants to be good at it. Sigh.

But watching her not work makes my teeth ache. And my skin crawl. And my blood boil. Makes me wanna holla, throw up both my hands and then use both hands to slap the mess outta her and say, “Get your old ass offa facebook and DO SOME M-IN-FIN WORK! And stop playin the scary big Black woman, got these lil white women shook, role and DO SOME M-IN-FIN WORK!” It makes me wanna do better. And sometimes it makes me wanna quit. But more than anything it makes me wanna get on my grind, and follow my real dreams, cause it reinforces what I’ve always known – this working thing is for the birds. And the horses.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

before i jump out the window, what's your name?

ladies, you ever meet a guy and the next thought that crosses your mind is what ya'll's babies will look like?  no.  ok guess that's just me.  i have this thing where my relationship speedometer goes from 0 to 100 in 60 seconds. lit-trally!  i think about what kinda father he would make, how good (or horribly sweaty) he'd be in bed, what he'll look like when he turns 72, all within a very short time of meeting the man.  and as in the case of kirk, youngin and a whole bunch of other nigs, they usually don't last till they next birthday, let alone 72. 

then i have to systematically throw out all the day dreams and fantasies useless information i had in my head about the possibilities.  i feel a wee bit of shame about this.  cause i know it's not right.  but it's okay.  i'm gonna make it anyway.

but, good people of the 5spot, how do i stop doing it?

i tried telling myself to have no expectations.  i'm unimpressed.  underwhelmed.   i'm just shaking your hand mr. man and saying hi.  that didn't work.  at all.

see i am an optimist.  i see the glass as full and overflowing with the goodness of life in abundance.  when i apply for a job, i don't worry about whether i will get an interview, i contemplate whether i will accept or reject an offer. and so it is with the men i meet. but it's not like step 3 is getting on one knee and propose.  it's all in my mind.  so it's all good.  right? 

and hey some very famous guys seem to suffer from the same affliction.  exhibit A:  ted mosby.  dude says i love you on the first date and thinks that every girl just might be the one.  ok, ok, he's fictional but all characters are based in truth.  what about jay-z?  he wrote a whole song about it.  artists always speak the truth.  it's the reeeallllll hip-hop!

or is it?  what say ya'll?

reality check

With just a year to dig in to his presidency, what have we learned about President Obama. So far, and perhaps for the remainder of his presidency - he is a big picture guy. And he definiteley calls all the shots. and some of us don't like it - CBC, GOP, name another group. some of us wish that he sweats the small stuff, or not so small stuff according to the CBC. all i will say to the CBC is outsmart him. stop nagging, and deploy a strategy... pull your braintrust together and outsmart him. but you get no pity from Bellini. And neither do you Mr. President. Bipartisanship will not save the day, hence healthcare reform would not have taken this long. So, if you can get it cool, but if not we expect you to get the job done. You're good for going solo, but Bellini would prefer you light the fire under the a$$es of your Cabinet too. I need to see them flex on issues ala Nancy Pelosi. You will be forever indebted to Madame Speaker for cultivating the votes.

GOP, you're bettin' on your disenchanted group bringin' home the bacon in November. But November is a long way from here and you're forgetting about a contingent you need to bring the votes - INDEPENDENTS comme moi. And you're consistent track record of abstaining from votes and lack of engagement on issues is not governance... so that's just something to think about McConnell and Boehner... as you pursue your strategy.

and Netanyahu and company, you really chose an intersting time to flex. be careful 'cuz I wouldn't want to be on the bad side of Secretary Clinton or Mr. President. They will outsmart your a$$ and I don't think you want the wrath of Hillary. the Brits already fired a top level diplomat for fcuking with your shenanigans. hmmm... it will be interesting to see where the Middle East goes from here.

and who would have thought of the day, where the dollar may began to make headway against the Euro. Thank you Greece and Portual too!!! Just the thought of you renegging on your financial obligations, has Europe in a tizzy. Don't take it personal Greece, but Germnay don't like you. The US isn't putting on its dancing shoes either, 'cuz we thought the weak value of the dollar would augment our export sector... but if the dollar and the Euro become neck and neck, we can nix that idea...

well let's see what spring has in store for us...

cheers,

Bellini

Equal Opportunity Offender

It has been a slow news day today. Sure the media world is all atwitter about the historic healthcare bill. I really don’t have too much to add except to say Yay! Especially for the kids and for my current family members who are uninsured and are navigating the joys that are free health clinics. Now if they can just hang on for a few more years until it’s implemented.

And it’s been the usual at work. Meetings after meetings. Monday morning blues. Wishes to be anywhere but here in the office. Oh, did I tell ya’ll about the joke my older white male co-worker told me? Some background, I call said coworker about an upcoming meeting on budget. I basically voiced my opinion that our manager was pretty much clueless in the ways of budget things and while we were in our meeting I was pretty much going to be doodling on my paper while my boss spoke. Well my action plan turned into the perfect segue for him to say that he would be thinking of jokes like the following:

Vladimere Putin, Queen Elizabeth and George W. Bush are all in hell. There is a red telephone. The devil informs them that they can use the phone to make one call. Putin call Russia, speaks for 10 minutes, once his call is over the devil says that call will cost him 1 million dollars. So Putin strokes out a check. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England, speaks for 30 minutes, once her call is over the devil say that call will cost her 4 million dollars. So Queen Elizabeth strokes out a check. Then George gets on the phone, calls America, speaks for 4 hours, hangs up and has a seat. Putin asks the devil why doesn’t George have to pay? Then the devil says Well since Obama has become president the United States has gone to hell, so that was a local call.

*Ba dump ching*

Are ya’ll laughing yet?

I chuckled to be polite, hung up and then sat in my cube for like 5 minutes trying to assess what just happened. I know I say this often, but for real no schoolin’ can prepare a person for this world of working! And I work for the equal employment opportunity good ole government! This ain’t even corporate America where anything goes.

Be it your Black, White, Asian, Latino, mix breed boss or coworker…you just never know what can happen in a work week! And surely my childhood stints as 1 of 4 Black people in a class never prepared me for this type of sh*t. I state this because I often fancy myself a white folks expert, but yet I can still be surprised by the things they say… I mean this joke was soooooooooo not appropriate for work. But beyond that, older white man and I are not even cool like that. Not saying that I am one of those ride or die Obama for life Black people Rum spoke about on Friday, but older white man didn’t know that!

It just doesn’t seem fair that I can’t even think to make a white people joke to a white person at here at work. Yet he does it without so much as pausing. I mean the thought doesn’t even come into or cross my mind. And that’s just part of the complexities that are woven into the minority’s experience in America. And I think it’s something that White folks just can’t grasp, or don’t want to grasp, or don’t get because hey, they don’t have to get it!

Maybe in 2042, I can call a white coworker up and tell them a joke about White people! After all they will be a minority then and won’t be able to do anything but laugh politely. Won’t that be a historic day?

See You In Seven

Imma Be Rockin' This...

Can't get this track out my head and totally digging it!