So yeah sometimes I wish I was a whore or had ho like tendencies cause sometimes I get so lonely and I can let just anybody hold me. This article in the Washington Post was written by Lori Gottlieb, a 40 year old single woman who is now a single mother – she had a donor – she discusses how she wishes she had chosen Mr. Good Enough. We’ll get to that next week in our next Looking For Your Daddy episode. Today we’ll deal with the other half of the article. Being lonely. She writes:
There is so much truth in this. I don’t think it’s PC for women especially if she got her own house, got her own car, two jobs work hard she a bad broad – to admit that she gets lonely. And f- all that dating and romanctical stuff. Sometimes she needs the weight of a man on top. Or just beside her in bed. Any man. An ex man. A young man. An ugly man. A dull man. Your man.
It's not that women like her feel incomplete without a partner. And of course, not all women are looking for a long-term monogamous relationship. But still, if no man is an island, most women aren't either. How lonely it was, before I had my son, to wake up in an empty house every morning, eat breakfast alone, read the paper alone, do the dishes alone. How dispiriting it felt to move to a new place alone, to shop for groceries for only myself, to have nobody to talk to in those sleepy moments before bed except for girlfriends on the phone, chatting about -- what else? -- men.
But saying this aloud makes people uncomfortable. I got an e-mail from a never-married single mother like me who said that when she shared her loneliness on a single-mom listserv, people told her to stop feeling sorry for herself and to "get a life." One woman even suggested that if she was so unhappy being a single mother, she should put her child in foster care.
But women who love the Lord, have family and friends, travel, read books, have hobbies, see plays are not supposed to be lonely. Apparently that emotion was removed the day we got our college degrees. And as antiquated as it sounds, I think we heterosexual women who have partaken in D at lest once in our lives or ever been kissed real good can agree that there’s something about having a man around. The convos are different than with your girls. And sometimes they’re mo’ better. There’s flirting. And tingles. The heavy lifting gets done. The shoveling. The bug killing. The urges are met and tended to. There’s the sense of safety and security no matter how false it may be. I mean I think every single woman can belt out the chorus of Stephanie Mills’ Comfort of a Man and truly mean it.
And now as I get older and the nights get longer and the other side of the bed gets cold © Little Brother, and I'm not saying I would partake in such behavior, but I like Chris Rock, I understand how women can give up and say, “I’ll take your man” for the night at least. Shoot I had an opportunity presented to me recently. Don’t worry I passed. But fake intimacy can kinda sorta feel like the real thing if you close your eyes tight enough, no? Having someone in your bed, your space, your life, when it’s just you waking up alone, doing it all alone, looks good from a distance. And feels even better in reality.
Of course I know things always go badly when you try to do things the easy way. Heh. And so like Tupac told me to do, I keep my head up and try not to wallow in the feelings for too long. But sometimes I wonder if as you age, do things get worse or easier? Does the loneliness settle into your bones like arthritis and just become a part of you? And you just take two pills of reality and keep it moving? I know several Black women who’ve never married or been alone and the topic of loneliness is rarely discussed. And it’s a taboo subject. Cause when you’ve been blessed, you’re supposed to be happy at all times. You know.
But as I watch these women conquer the world, be that badd chick, I wonder if even in a room full of people do they sometimes feel totally and utterly alone? Do they sometimes cry in the dark? Or in the daylight on their way to work? Do they sometimes just want to lean into someone else’s arms to be held and feel weightless? I mean like George Clooney’s character said in Up in the Air: “Everybody needs a co-pilot. Life’s better with company.” Even if they can’t spend the night...
That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!
Cause Dark and Stormy knows how much I'm loving this song...