First off no one hipped me to the costs of being in someone’s wedding. Oh we’ll get to that in a minute, but let’s start off with the dress shall we? Has anyone seen that A Different World episode where Jasmine Guy aka Whitley Gilbert was in her father’s wedding (and she has this satiny bight green bridesmaid dress? Well she holds it up for the audience to see and says in that memorable southern drawl, “I’m gonna look like a refugee from The Wiz.” I’m not saying my bridesmaid dress is bad, but um, it ain’t great. Let’s just say that I’m gonna look like Scarlett ‘I’ll never go hungry again’ O’Hara crossed with Little ‘I’ve lost my sheep’ Bo Peep. But it’s not my wedding. It’s not my choice. So I can’t really complain. But I am seriously considering doing what a fellow suffering bridesmaid said she did on the Style Network’s Wedding Do’s and Don’t’s show and leaving my dress behind in the hotel room for Maria to snatch up for her daughter's quinceanera.
Of course I’m happy for my friend. I have to be because I want a husband of my own and I believe in karma. So I have just ridden this ride full of the bride’s color coded emails filled with somewhat crazy/ridiculous/what the hell has she been smoking demands & links to 'How to be the perfect bridesmaid' articles, ignored the feelings of being nickled and dimed (somebody tell me why I have to bring $10 for the make up artist), tried to stop wondering why we bridesmaids have been given the task of "breaking down" the reception, tried not to start senteneces with: this heffa done..., lent an ear when things weren't going as planned, refrained from calling the producers of Bridezilla, and have filed it all under: Things I'm Not Gonna Do When I Get Married. But yesterday I was tallying up the costs of this blessed event in my head and was like “DAYUM! I spent how much?” Let’s review the costs, shall we?
Bridesmaid Dress (that needs its own seat on the plane): $150
Matching Shoes (which you can’t even see underneath the huge dress): $50
Dress Alterations: $35
Hair Appointment (to get bride’s requested good grade of weave sewn in): $300
Manicure & Pedicure (French mani & pedi mandated by the bride): $45
Waxing (Well I would have done this anyway-but I’m still putting it down): $40
Plane Ticket: $200
Contribution to Bachelorette Party: $30
Being in one of your best friend’s wedding:
That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!