Friendship At All Costs

Hey y’all! How goes it this Friday? So sometimes I like to take a break from real life and drift off to my happy place, that girly place where I plan my imaginary wedding: my dress, bridesmaids, reception, colors, the groom-you know the important things. And then I’m forced back to reality because a little voice (not a crazy voice though) goes off in my head and says, “Hey you’re in a real life, real live, for real, for real wedding, silly.” That’s right, I Rum Punch am off to Atlanta today for a wedding where I will be a bridesmaid. This is my first time as a bridesmaid. And I wouldn’t be completely disappointed if it were my last. Apparently though there are women in this world who are pressed to be in someone else’s wedding. Say word? Word. My friend has 14 bridesmaids, that's right 14! And there were people who were upset that they didn't get chosen. It was like being on Wedding Party Survivor. I don't know what those women were expecting, because I have found that this whole bridesmaid thing is not the business.

First off no one hipped me to the costs of being in someone’s wedding. Oh we’ll get to that in a minute, but let’s start off with the dress shall we? Has anyone seen that A Different World episode where Jasmine Guy aka Whitley Gilbert was in her father’s wedding (and she has this satiny bight green bridesmaid dress? Well she holds it up for the audience to see and says in that memorable southern drawl, “I’m gonna look like a refugee from The Wiz.” I’m not saying my bridesmaid dress is bad, but um, it ain’t great. Let’s just say that I’m gonna look like Scarlett ‘I’ll never go hungry again’ O’Hara crossed with Little ‘I’ve lost my sheep’ Bo Peep. But it’s not my wedding. It’s not my choice. So I can’t really complain. But I am seriously considering doing what a fellow suffering bridesmaid said she did on the Style Network’s Wedding Do’s and Don’t’s show and leaving my dress behind in the hotel room for Maria to snatch up for her daughter's quinceanera.

Of course I’m happy for my friend. I have to be because I want a husband of my own and I believe in karma. So I have just ridden this ride full of the bride’s color coded emails filled with somewhat crazy/ridiculous/what the hell has she been smoking demands & links to 'How to be the perfect bridesmaid' articles, ignored the feelings of being nickled and dimed (somebody tell me why I have to bring $10 for the make up artist), tried to stop wondering why we bridesmaids have been given the task of "breaking down" the reception, tried not to start senteneces with: this heffa done..., lent an ear when things weren't going as planned, refrained from calling the producers of Bridezilla, and have filed it all under: Things I'm Not Gonna Do When I Get Married. But yesterday I was tallying up the costs of this blessed event in my head and was like “DAYUM! I spent how much?” Let’s review the costs, shall we?

Bridesmaid Dress (that needs its own seat on the plane): $150
Matching Shoes (which you can’t even see underneath the huge dress): $50
Dress Alterations: $35
Hair Appointment (to get bride’s requested good grade of weave sewn in): $300
Manicure & Pedicure (French mani & pedi mandated by the bride): $45
Waxing (Well I would have done this anyway-but I’m still putting it down): $40
Plane Ticket: $200
Hotel: $120
Contribution to Bachelorette Party: $30
Being in one of your best friend’s wedding: Pricey. I mean priceless of course.

In all seriousness, I am looking forward to witnessing my friend exchange (long awaited) vows with her soul mate. But please believe that today, right here at 5 and a pos, I’m promising God and three white men, that the next wedding I’m in will be my own!*

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

*Unless someone else from the 5 spot gets married first... :-)