Soul mate, smoul mate

So Amaretto kicked it off with her post this week on the ‘one’. And then Mint Julep picked it up with the ‘twos’. And I’m going to make things even more complicated with the ‘sines, cosines, and tangents.’

Sine - Is there such thing as a soul mate? If so, what does it look like?

Cosine - And what if two people think that the same person is their soul mate? What happens? Can they battle it out in the streets? Have an old fashioned duel? Does the one who eventually gets that person have sole claim to the soul mate title? What if the person who didn’t “win” still thinks that person was their soul mate?

Tangent - And if everyone can’t/doesn’t get together with their soul mate in this lifetime – will they at least, if for only a brief moment encounter that person sometime, somewhere along the way? Would that be a glimmer of hope or just cruel and unusual punishment to think that you had met your soul mate, but couldn’t be with him forever?

Due to recent sit’chations in my life – these questions have been going round and round in my brain. And then I saw that damn 500 Days of Summer movie - and I’m not using ‘damn’ in the sense that it was a bad movie, but more in the sense that it left me feeling even more uncertain about this thing called the love and all its antecedents – 'the one,' 'soul mates,' etc, etc.

And so I ask these questions because I doesn’t know. Like at all. I used to think the concept of soul mate was kinda corny. I always envisioned it as very ethereal. And intangible. A little something like this: “A soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soul mate is the one who makes life come to life.” ~Richard Bach

Uh yeah. What is this mess? I gotta be honest and say he lost me when he started talking about balloons.

I read that quote multiple times and was unsatisfied, so I went to a practical place on the internets for an answer. Dictionary.com defined soul mate as: Noun, a person with whom one has a strong affinity. And: n. One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.

Well hot damn! That sounds easy enough. I’ve been compatible with certain gentlemen in those particular areas in my lifetime. And yet I wouldn’t call any one of them a soul mate. I mean we ain't together for a reason. Several reasons. There has to be something deeper, between y'all right? A real, for real, nothing can come between us connection, right? I mean that's what I've heard. And so I clicked on a few more links and found this: Soul mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. ~Author Unknown

Hmmm… Mayhap we’re getting warmer. Or are we? These could all be right. And they could all be completely wrong. Cause when I put the word soul mate into google, like with all searches, the results were all over the place. There were tips on how to find your soul mate. Quotes about the meaning and definition of soul mate. Answers to the my very own question: what is a soul mate. Information on soul mate marriages – which I guess implies that we all don't marry our soul mates. Tee hee.

Everyone has an answer. A suggestion. A scientific study. But for a girl who felt like she was really close to something good, was ready to leap without looking, totally go for it, only to be blind sided, have it slip from my grasp and then be moved completely beyond my reach, and then go through the agony of being benched and having to watch from the sidelines while trying to rise above it all and not hate and/or envy the new star player who ain't even a first round draft pick (oh wait that ain't right - see there's that hate) - these definitions, explanations, reasonings don't bring comfort. Or encouragement. Or hope.

They just make me cock my head to the side, purse my lips together and think, "o rly? That's how you feel in your spirit about this whole soul mate thing? That's how it's supposed to be? Sounds like some bullshyt to me." Until I found this quote during my research: Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important. ~Carl Reiner

Three simple sentences. Succintly put and totally on point. An easy mantra to call on, remember and agree with, regardless of if you believe in the concept of soul mates, the 'one' and everything in between. Something to hold onto when these nigs is actin' a fool. And when it's one bad date after another. Or no dates at all. When the biological clock is ticking and settling seems like the best road to take. When he's just good enough. Too good. Or ain't shyt. When things look bleak. And when there's promise. When you just know. Or are completely unsure. When you're waiting patiently. Or totally consumed. And when you're just trying to figure it out. All over again.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

the twos

amaretto got me to thinking about "how does the story of the one go? how should it go?"...


as i said in my comment, "it has to be a mutual 'thinkin he/she the one' or 'the twos' perhaps is what ima start calling it. the two of you have to click together, mutually, at the same time." and as i thought more about it, the story of a friend of mine who seemingly has found "the one" came to mind.

about a year ago, my friend tom* graduated school and moved to a new city to start a new job. on this new job he met an australian woman, nicole* who had come from her homeland to do an internship with his office. they became fast friends but unfortunately for tom, nicole had a boy back home. from the start, things clicked for tom. he knew he liked her but because of nicole's situation he played the friend role, unsure of whether nicole felt the same way he did. and so tom and nicole got to know each other very well and bonded over their mutual commitment to and passion for their work.

tom held his feelings inside while being the best friend he could be. and so it came to pass that nicole's time in the states drew to a close. over dinner during her last night in town tom and nicole reminisced on the joys of their friendship, saying their mutual goodbyes, not knowing if they'd ever see each other again. afterward, tom went home and cried (yes, cried) at the loss of his good friend (and the woman who might have been the one).

nicole went back to her boy in australia but she and tom stayed in touch regularly. then out of the blue one day nicole told tom, "listen, i have some things going on here, and i need to not talk to you for a spell." tom's heart sank at the thought but he occupied his time with the demands of work and the fellowship of friends. and for three weeks he heard nothing from nicole. and then while on a week's vacation in hawaii tom heard a word. nicole reached out and after the small talk nicole suggested, "come on over to australia." and so he did.

it was during tom's time in australia that the click really happened. simultaneously. nicole confessed that when she first met tom she really liked him as well. that things had clicked for her when they first met but because of her relationship back home she didn't jump in. nicole shared that she and the boyfriend had trouble before she left for the states but that she wanted to make sure that she gave that relationship one last try. and that the reason for the breakup wasn't tom. and she confessed that after that last dinner she cried too!

and so, tom said to me over drinks one night, that was how he met "the one." that when he clicked with nicole it wasn't hard in the sense of how they related to each other, just difficult because didn't know if she felt the same although he kinda suspected but didn't know for sure how he felt. it was easy. like home. kinda like jill scott's easy conversation...

I like that I can talk to you

And you seem to adore it

I like that I can tell you

Exactly how I feel

I like that you don’t

Look at me in that confused kind of way when

The thoughts are running through my mind

And I can’t seem to find

The right thing to say

Ohh this feels nice

Our easy conversation

Ohhh this feels so right

Our easy conversation

Ohh ohh ahhhh

This feels nice

I really like when you speak to me

You never front

You always tell me straight up

*names changed to protect the lovers

greek sensibilities

I nor anyone @ the 5spot is a greek. Yet, we got plenty of greek friends. So, over the weekend the Kappas were in town celebrating their centennial I think. And my friend of the pink & green variety and I were scheduled to go to dinner with another mutual friend. However, that didn’t work out. So my friend of the pink & green variety, suggests the following: “I say let’s do a drive by their host hotel. I have a meeting until 7:30 but am free after that. “

Hmmmm…. sounds like some groupie-ish to me? Sometimes, I’m known to be of an uber-independent mind as if I exist in exile on an island to myself… So, I phone Rummy and share the scenario and she cosigns “Yup, that’s some groupie-ish.”

So, I reply to the friend of the pink & green variety that “I don't think the Kappas want to be around women whilst they're undergoing their event?” right, fair enough. I mean this is the fellas weekend to do some male-bonding, network, kick-it, do me!!!

Ahhhh… sh*t, she countered with the following, ” Every kappa I saw at my hotel invited me over. What do you propose?”

Disclaimer: My friend of the pink & green variety is married, happily is debatable, married nonetheless…

Luckily, this exchange continues while Rummy and I chat up my options.

So, I reply, “well do you just want us to go to dinner anyway? are the kappas hosting a gala for wives over the weekend?” I figure if I can swing the subject away from kappas, we’d be in a neutral zone and she’d get the hint Bellini ain’t partyin’ wit’ no Kappas …

But did it work???

“They’re event is over on Sun. [Hubby] is not active so no access to the kappa wives stuff. We can just hang out with or without dinner. Let me know if you are interested. “

Nope it didn’t, so our dodged her ass all weekend, be’cuz I was irritated with the kappa nonsense. And while doing me, met a Kappa from Atlanta anyway. Go figure

For you greeks, Bellini ain’t got nothing against the greeks, on the real tip – got love for y’all, but their just ain’t no greek up in me. No aunties that pledged, no desire to cross over – sorry folks. Clearly, that’s a world I don’t fully understand.

cheers,

Bellini

Sky Blue?

So when you are a single 20 something going through life a lot of time is spent assessing your relationships with people. Well let me not speak for all 20 something kind, let me just speak for myself. I think I spend a lot of time thinking about my relationships with people. My friends, my parents and the men folk that I know. And it can be a confusing thing to say the least. I mean for most of my life I knew the was sky plain old blue, but now with age, experience, enlightenment and the changes and turnarounds I’ve gone through in life…I wonder is the sky just plain old blue? Is it maybe cyan, azure or cerulean? I’m finding that it’s the subtle differences that change everything!

So my philosophy on love and men folks got further messed up this weekend after Rum Punch and I saw 500 Days of Summer. It's was a cute quirky movie in which Boy meets Girl, and though the movie forewarns you that it is not a love story, I was still shocked when the plot twisted and turned to devastation. In the flick the Boy is all about love. He ascribed to the school that when you find that person, the ONE, then it will be clear and obvious and you’ll just know that this is the person for you. Rum Punch said that it was clear that he was smitten-smitten is such a nice word isn’t it? Anyways, the Girl, not so smitten. She wasn’t drinking the boy’s Kool-Aid. She wasn’t a believer in that mystic must be fate, love brought us together stuff…until. Until, through a series of events she becomes a believer because she finally knew what the boy was talking about-that when you meet that person, the ONE you just know.

Well ladies, and lone gentlemen this is where the confusion sets in, because as this movie imitated life the Boy truly felt that the girl was the one. He just knew it. But the girl was not immediately convinced. So what gives? How many of us have met a person and thought this could be it They could be the one? And so how are any of us supposed to know when the connection has been made or hasn’t been made? Which is part of the reason why my philosophy on love and men folks did not include these here today gone tomorrow type of feelings of love. In my mind it was all about partnership with a person who brought something to the table but could also make me laugh, but we’d mutually work towards the goal of making it in life. But this movie and people that I have recently let into my life all believe there should be feelings and a sort of knowing that This.Is.It! And I wonder Really?

And so begins the rocking of Ameretto’s little boat under a blue sky on blue water. Because I’ve heard the stories where the woman knew before the man spoke that he was the one and was willing to wait until he got the clue. Or that they both knew instantly. I’ve heard the stories about two friends getting together after years of just being friends. Two strangers, just strangers staring at each other from across the crowded room, and at the 50th Anniversary their single grandkids look on in awe and amazement, because things like that just don’t happen anymore. So how does the story of the one go? How should it go?

And it would be nice if this feeling of knowing really existed. And who am I to say that it doesn’t. If you could know before you put in the work that a relationship requires. I just have never felt that sense of knowing with anyone. And maybe foolishly or wisely I just thought knowing this person you just told things you never told anyone else was enough because certain love doesn’t exist. But maybe it does. And because it does, that’s the reason why I am single. As I sit here in my slowly rocking boat, I think maybe the sky is more cerulean than just blue, and love it just waiting for the right moment for me to get to know it.

See You In Seven

Let's Talk About It

Since Rum Punch started, I thought I would continue for a spell...

In case you didn't know, Courvoisier is the type of girl that loves it when a man tries to impress. In fact, I think it is the best part in the art of wooing. Guy meets girl, girl engages guy, guy impresses her, blah blah blah. And in most cases it usually goes that way for the Courvoisier but somewhere during the impressing stage, a brother can go sooooo wrong. Say the wrong thing, be too proud of something that ain't all that, etc but I have to say the worst is the dick bragging. I am just going to put this out there, Courvoisier's top performers consists of silent killers. It is like the more talk, the greater the chance I will be disappointed.

"I can't wait to lay this 8 inch pipe on you" - - eyebrows sink... really? (chuckle) instant turn off.

"Don't worry island girl I know you are going to love this yankee stick!" oh snap this took everything to stop from lol literally to this one. Is that right? (chuckle)

The best has got to be the random picture text that delivers so much more than a thousand words. (chuckle) Fellas, I am trying to figure out why you believe this is impressive. Or what you are trying to achieve with the hype. It is one thing if the relationship is getting hot and heavy and we about to take it to the next level but how do kisses on the cheek lead to this?

Don't get me wrong, Courvoisier loves the fresh talk and occasional nasty text of what to expect next BUT pump brakes homie unless you are 200% sure that you lay it down returning-customer-gigolo style. Let your member speak for himself, no need for a hypeman. You don't hear me telling you that my kitten is... (chuckle) or is this what you want to hear? 

Much luv until next week... peace :)

P.S. "What is your winning tool?" (chuckle)