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Friday, August 14, 2009

Soul mate, smoul mate

So Amaretto kicked it off with her post this week on the ‘one’. And then Mint Julep picked it up with the ‘twos’. And I’m going to make things even more complicated with the ‘sines, cosines, and tangents.’

Sine - Is there such thing as a soul mate? If so, what does it look like?

Cosine - And what if two people think that the same person is their soul mate? What happens? Can they battle it out in the streets? Have an old fashioned duel? Does the one who eventually gets that person have sole claim to the soul mate title? What if the person who didn’t “win” still thinks that person was their soul mate?

Tangent - And if everyone can’t/doesn’t get together with their soul mate in this lifetime – will they at least, if for only a brief moment encounter that person sometime, somewhere along the way? Would that be a glimmer of hope or just cruel and unusual punishment to think that you had met your soul mate, but couldn’t be with him forever?

Due to recent sit’chations in my life – these questions have been going round and round in my brain. And then I saw that damn 500 Days of Summer movie - and I’m not using ‘damn’ in the sense that it was a bad movie, but more in the sense that it left me feeling even more uncertain about this thing called the love and all its antecedents – 'the one,' 'soul mates,' etc, etc.

And so I ask these questions because I doesn’t know. Like at all. I used to think the concept of soul mate was kinda corny. I always envisioned it as very ethereal. And intangible. A little something like this:
“A soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soul mate is the one who makes life come to life.” ~Richard Bach

Uh yeah. What is this mess? I gotta be honest and say he lost me when he started talking about balloons.

I read that quote multiple times and was unsatisfied, so I went to a practical place on the internets for an answer. Dictionary.com defined soul mate as: Noun, a person with whom one has a strong affinity. And: n. One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.

Well hot damn! That sounds easy enough. I’ve been compatible with certain gentlemen in those particular areas in my lifetime. And yet I wouldn’t call any one of them a soul mate. I mean we ain't together for a reason. Several reasons. There has to be something deeper, between y'all right? A real, for real, nothing can come between us connection, right? I mean that's what I've heard. And so I clicked on a few more links and found this:
Soul mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. ~Author Unknown

Hmmm… Mayhap we’re getting warmer. Or are we? These could all be right. And they could all be completely wrong. Cause when I put the word soul mate into google, like with all searches, the results were all over the place. There were tips on how to find your soul mate. Quotes about the meaning and definition of soul mate. Answers to the my very own question: what is a soul mate. Information on soul mate marriages – which I guess implies that we all don't marry our soul mates. Tee hee.

Everyone has an answer. A suggestion. A scientific study. But for a girl who felt like she was really close to something good, was ready to leap without looking, totally go for it, only to be blind sided, have it slip from my grasp and then be moved completely beyond my reach, and then go through the agony of being benched and having to watch from the sidelines while trying to rise above it all and not hate and/or envy the new star player who ain't even a first round draft pick (oh wait that ain't right - see there's that hate) - these definitions, explanations, reasonings don't bring comfort. Or encouragement. Or hope.
They just make me cock my head to the side, purse my lips together and think, "o rly? That's how you feel in your spirit about this whole soul mate thing? That's how it's supposed to be? Sounds like some bullshyt to me." Until I found this quote during my research: Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important. ~Carl Reiner

Three simple sentences. Succintly put and totally on point. An easy mantra to call on, remember and agree with, regardless of if you believe in the concept of soul mates, the 'one' and everything in between. Something to hold onto when these nigs is actin' a fool. And when it's one bad date after another. Or no dates at all. When the biological clock is ticking and settling seems like the best road to take. When he's just good enough. Too good. Or ain't shyt. When things look bleak. And when there's promise. When you just know. Or are completely unsure. When you're waiting patiently. Or totally consumed. And when you're just trying to figure it out. All over again.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!


mint julep said...

i don't think there is always just one soulmate for each person. i think some people have none, some people have one and some people have more. i think its someone you can be comfortable being you with (to varying shades and degrees).

i think that 2 peeps can "think" 1 person is they soulmate but in reality not be. it sucks. but i don't understand how the "unchosen" one can still think that person is their soulmate if they weren't picked? if he was yours wouldn't he be with you and you with him? or is it that he just hasn't realized it yet? i've learned you can't make someone love you the way you want them to love you, you have to look at what they're offering (or not offering) and decide to take it (or leave it). and you can't make them stop loving that other person when they have the mind to. and you certainly can't make all this happen at the time in life that you want it to happen.

i've been privileged to spend some time with a few people whose keys fit my locks and mine theirs. and altho i also had some trials/tribulations with these same people, the way i felt when i was with them i wouldn't take back. are they/were they my soulmates? maybe. i love the quote you use: "Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important." it's such truth. if you couldn't be physically intimate with a person and your feelings of love for that person had waned or they did something that made you mad would you still want to hang out with them, get a drink with them or see a movie with them, have a conversation about your day with them, would your friendship outweigh the bad. do you just like their company, who they are as a person? that's a soulmate.

Anonymous said...

The definition of a soul mate is different for everyone. And that's assuming they actually have one.

I can't define a soul mate any more than I can satisfactorily define the difference between a wizard and a warlock. For me, all three are imaginary things.

The person I end up with is one with whom I share goals and ideas on how to make them happen.

Example, both democrats and republicans want to improve health insurance coverage for all. they both have divergent ideas on how to do it.

Does this mean I likely won't end up with someone on the opposite political spectrum - Yes. Does this mean I can just immediately write off everyone who identifies with politics different from my own - No.

The person for me is smart, attractive, caring, funny, interesting, and quirky. She's also one who is able (or willing) to accept my quirks.

I think it is quite possible for two people to mesh their goals and ideas in such a way that they create a lasting relationship. I don't think at all that there is just one person in the world capable of being a life partner.

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