Growing Pains

So how do you determine adulthood? Like being all the way grown? I know according to the law, 18 years old = grown. But we all know that’s a lie, that’s a lie, that’s a lie. Sometimes I think I’m only quasi grown. This is mainly due to the fact that I’m not a home owner. For some reason, I think that once you got your own shyt, yo’ name on a deed, a piece of something that you gotta pay on every month so you can keep it, well then you grown. Like for real. And even though I work 40 hours, contribute to a retirement fund, pay my own bills, gotta fix my own car when it breaks down, I wonder if I’m really grown…

That is until I got on facebook tonight before I started writing this post and saw that our department’s intern (a Howard University student) is at an open mic in Hampton, Virginia. A four hour drive – for those of you who don’t know… And I’m wondering is her ass gon’ make it to work tomorrow morning? Cause we need her there. She has shyt to do. And that’s when I realized...

Damn it, I’m grown. Cause I wish I could hop in a car, with a devil may care attitude, and head down the highway, somewhere, anywhere, and not worry that I have sooo much work on my desk. And not have to weigh the pros and cons of if this is a good enough reason to use my leave. Cause you know that leave is sacred. Can’t go wasting it on some bullshyt. And even as I sit here with a cold, desperately wanting to call out sick, the grown woman in me is all, “Nah girl, you can’t let the ‘team’ down. You know y’all have a HUGE project coming up.” Dang this grownness! When did I start caring about a “team?” Who am I?

I mean here I am seriously planning a vacation in July. Eagerly anticipating those few glorious days of foolishness and debauchery. Like for real looking forward to it, crossing off the days on the wall like I'm in prison and shyt... And while I definitely don’t want to go backwards, it’s fun to remember a life with little responsibility.

When you could just call your supervisor and be like, “I ain’t coming in today.” And not have to give a for real explanation. Shyt. Sometimes you didn’t even bother calling cause you didn’t even need that damn job anyway. Or having someone call you and say, “What you doing?” And you say, “Nothing.” And they say, “Let’s ride.” And y’all get in a car (or for y’all ballers with a trust fund– a plane) and go. And you don't have to answer to anybody. Don't have to worry that you need to go to work, so you can make money to pay for x,y, and z. Haven't started worrying about saving money for: when you're old, or for a down payment on a car or a house or a new laptop cause your 'e' and 'r' kys ae missing... Tee hee. Just living in the moment, like it's gonna be this way forever. Ahhh the foolishness of youth...

I know a woman who always says, “you know sometimes you can grow old and not grow up. And that’s a shame.” Ain’t that the right. And so as I make better decisions in the present because I know they will directly affect my future, I recognize that I'm growing up. But there’s a little, tiny, part of me that’s slightly envious of my intern. But I know she better show up to work tomorrow or her ass is grass. But if she doesn’t. I’ll totally understand. And smile a little on the inside.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

young fun

as i get older, wiser and more beautiful, i find that my life is becoming kinda like the title of that pearl cleage joint, some things i never thought i'd do. you see until recently, i had always kicked it with dudes who were about my age, maybe a year younger or older but no more of an age difference than that.

until recently...

on the one hand older dudes who approach kinda gross me out. yes, i'm "twelve". but i couldn't imagine datin and/or gettin it in with a guy 10-20 years my senior. he prolly be on his first or second divorce with a few kids under his belt. tryin to act like my daddy and boss a sista around. i'll pass.

and on the other hand, since i'm only 28, the dudes 5-10 years my junior a) aren't even legal in most states or b) would be tryin to take me to a soulja boy concert. again, i'll pass.

until recently...

i never thought that i would be getting my pretty pink, baby blue on. at least not at the ripe old age of 28. maybe when i got to be 45 and the man who i thought was the love of my life left me for his skanky secretary. maybe then i'd be seducing the junior associate at my firm during late night work sessions. but i never thought that i'd have anything in common with someone just outta college. i never thought i'd be attracted to someone who was in the 8th grade when i was a senior in high school, as he likes to remind me. but i do and i am (even tho he's a red bone).

he's 23 and it's kinda undercover. yet it's sorta nice. very nice actually. so i've added him to my team. and we'll see what happens. let's just hope he doesn't catch rabies and i have to shot him wit my pistol in self defense.

i guess if i was doin the choosing, and since it's mint julep's world i am, i'd rather go young than old. ladies, what say you?

it' not him, it's her...

Sometime back in the day, during this blog's infancy I shared this with y'all. And now, I want to embellish the blueprint.

So, my girlfriend just recently bought her home with her boyfriend -- apparently it's in her name and he pays the mortgage-- and just had a new baby. The world of me could not understand why they are not hitched yet? Recently, I called her to check up on she, the baby, and fam. She disclosed to me that her mother is gettin' married next year. So I commented, "Tell your man -- no pressure!" And he happened to be there, and she shared my comment with him. He retorted, "She knows we can go to City Hall any damn day of the week!" And we all chuckle. Now my girlfriend claims, "City Hall cheapens the marriage. You don't have the big wedding, ...."[at this point I lost at the conversation and tuned her excuses out].

I don't know what it is. My girlfriend is holding back, and yet she hasn't held back on anything with this man. She vowed never to have another baby unless she was married. Although, I do think that is the direction they're headed in, but this waiting game has me baffled. I don't know what she's waiting for. If you knew my girl from the sandbox, you'd be amazed at her metamorphisis. Let's just say she is an only child and wilded out a few times more than once in her life. Fastforward to today, she and boyfriend are the old couple. An exciting adventure for them is going to Target and Walmart. They are always home. Back in the day, you couldn't pay my girl to stay home.
I guess people change after all?

Most of the time, it's the men and not the women -- who are holding back on this marriage thing. It's amusing in some ways. The detective in me wants to figure this shit out, 'cuz Bellini is truly baffled. Perhaps, at the destination wedding next year, there'll be a twinkle in her eye and she'll have a change of heart.

cheers,

Bellini

You Ain't Hungry Then

My coworker is a single Black woman in her early forties. She often shares with me about past loves and how around 35 she decided that her playa days where over. I know, playa days? Anytime I meet these type of women who used men like Kleenex it disrupts my notions of what women are and aren’t. Sillly me, I guess. Just yesterday she told me she turned down a marriage proposal because she was sure she would cheat on the dude…repeatedly. Wow. I will just say Amaretto’s mind was blown. Needless to say my co-worker is selfless and I would say that she leads a full life. She has worked on her as they say women ought to do in their singleness. She’s involved with her church, her sorority, her undergraduate school, has travelled, teaches yoga, home owner, drives a nice car, keeps physically fit...but has come to the point of being so tired of being alone and on her own…and well who isn’t right?

During one of our sessions, after exhausting endless meet and greet possibilities and going out with men that she just wasn’t really attracted to, she whispered to me that she recently signed up for eHarmony. I said that that sounded exciting and was happy for her. And then she went into how she never thought it would come to needing online dating... Now granted I am younger than she, and as the years have marched on-online dating no longer screams desperation…I mean I love the movie You’ve Got Mail-can you believe that was eleven years ago?! But maybe for a woman who once lived her life as a player…well this is a big step that she wants to make way under the radar.

So yesterday I asked her how the online thing was working out, and well at the moment it isn’t. One of her matches turned out to be the ex-husband of a woman who went to her church. Yikes. Others seem to be too old looking (she calls them crawdaddies) or too short. Or too much of what she isn’t looking for. So I wondered what Jesus would do in this situation, and I asked her to cast her net a little further. Maybe look at a man who isn’t Black, or doesn’t have an MBA. One who doesn’t enjoy working out in the gym but loves to go dancing. And maybe even just go out on a date with someone who doesn’t have it all, just to see if maybe, possibly there is something else that you didn’t know you could like.

She said-HELL NO!
She knows what she wants.
End.Of.Story.

And to me that was sad. I told her that sometimes you get to the point where you have to be unorthodox to find what you are looking for. My dad answered my stepmother’s personal ad in the newspaper, and they have been married for over ten years. And I realize I am saying all of this as a person who is over a decade younger than she, and I haven’t had the panic of living my life alone truly set in yet…so what do I know? To her, I might be asking her to settle, and like Sam I Am-she already knows she doesn’t like green eggs and ham. But I do know, that if you are hungry enough you’ll eat things you never thought you like…and just might be surprised by how good it tastes. It just seems to me, that only a Black woman is willing to starve herself...when everyone else, will gladly eat from the plate in front of them!

See You In Seven

What do you say, Courvoisier? (Part 3)

"I didn't have sex until I was married."

"Really, how long did you date before you got married?"

"For about 3 years."

"Hmm, that is a commitment I take it your husband was down, that is what's up!"

"Well it is not like we didn't fool around..."

"Oh?"

"I mean we did do oral and we would do it using the back entrance"

"Excuse me. Umm... what is your definition of no sex? 'Cause if you ask me the word sex could follow the description of all of those activities you described."

"Well, if he doesn't vaginally penetrate then I can't get pregnant... and I don't consider any of those acts sexual."

Now those of you who know me, my crazy chic loves to take advantage of these moments to push even further.

"So tell me this... if your husband decided to engage in the same activities that you and him had prior to marriage with someone else, he would NOT be having sex? Just a thought."

Never in a million years, did I think I would hear these words from a woman three years my senior. I am just speechless and therefore, I conclude my post... maybe you could add some words to this for me?

Much luv until next week... peace :)