So the other night I was watching this random movie, Traci Townsend on TV One. Basically it starts off with this woman, Traci who’s dating this guy who won’t sleep with her yet. She starts getting irritated. Accuses him of being gay. He breaks up with her. She laments to her girlfriend that she’s lost another one. Her girlfriend is on some, ‘why can’t you keep a man, something must be wrong with your p***y that you keep attracting ain’t shit n****as.’
So Traci (conveniently a journalist) suggests to her friend (who was conveniently a wannabe filmmaker) that they go visit and interview her exes to find out why they broke up with her. She gets some answers, ends up kissing her homegirl (yeah it took a crazy turn), tries to get back with ol’ dude from the beginning – only to be dumped again and finally finds solace in being alone. Yeah. It was pretty interesting.
So aside from the fact the movie needed some plot work, it got me thinking about what happens when you run into exes and you see them with their new “loves” or just interest du jour. Of course you have to be cordial. Well you don’t have to be. But the right thing is to be cordial, make small talk, and try to get out of there as gracefully as possible. But of course in the midst of all this, you are taking notes on the new person on your ex’s arm: their face - Is she cute, like, at all? Their hair – real or fake, good or bad weave? he make up – too much or not enough? Their outfit – does it match, is it cute or tacky? Their shoes - Payless or Gucci or in between? Their whole demeanor – did they seem nice or stank actin?
Cause you know when you tell your girlfriends that you ran into your ex and he was with someone else, the first question will be, “So, how she look?” And it will take everything in your soul not to say, “She was cute. But not as cute as me.” © Jill Scott. Or maybe you do say that. But only to like your closest, closest girlfriends, because if you say it to the masses, you will sound like an asshole. And be accused of being a “hater.” When really, maybe, you were just being honest. I mean you know what you look like. And you know what they looked like. And you have this, "you chose her over me? Like, really?" feeling that also isn't supposed to be shared. Cause then you sound like a real "hater". And can you tell that I have seen like 3 exes/old school love interests and their new loves over like a 3 day period. And that this wound is fresh and raw? But I digress…
Ironically I watched a Seinfeld last night and Elaine was dating this famous ex-baseball player and Seinfeld (her ex – for those who don’t know) was shocked that she really liked this guy. And he said, “not to sound arrogant, but I didn’t think she would find someone better than me.” HA! Tell it Seinfeld!
But people do move on. They take whatever they had with someone, pick it apart, find the good, the bad and the ugly, and use all of that knowledge when looking for someone else. And so when Traci Townsend made her rounds to find out why these men dumped her and eventually married other women – even though she just knew such and such would never get married, she realized what we women have heard time and time again, that they just didn’t want to marry her ass. And it didn’t matter that she was fly. That she made six figures. That she was great in bed. What did matter was that she was: Controlling. Too competitive. Emasculating. Nosy. Distrustful. And that’s why she became the ex. And someone who on the surface may not have seemed right for her ex, when you went past the physical, dug a little deeper, ended up being the most compatible. And even though you know as a true fact, that y'all just weren't gonna be right together anyway, on some higher ground, new age spirituality, what God has for me is for me, attitude, it sucks when you come face-to-face with it. Literally.
That’s my time y’all Happy Rum Punch Friday!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Mardi gras-in it!
Hey y'all! Out in the skreets, enjoying my first Mardi Gras, drinking and collecting beads! I'll holler next week!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
a'int got a clue?
You want a man.
You seek companionship.
You finally have a date and is dating.
But then you tell the man over dinner that you couldn’t entertain a long distance relationship because he lives four hours away – a measly 4. Considering I live on the east coast, four hours is the distance between D.C. and NY--halfway is Philly. Easier said then done, I'll concede the fact, but it's doable!
And all your kids are grown, except for your 16 year-old.
What are you holding back for?
You even allude to the fact, that chivalry is not for you – because you waiting for a guy to open your door for you is unrealistic – you reckon you’ve been opening your own doors for over decade now, for yourself and your kids…
This ladies and gentlemen is a real tale.
A tale so genuine that I identified with the scenario because I know all types of sistas that fit the bill. But, this particular scenario – comes straight from the Real Housewives of Orange County. Surprise.
And sistas thought they were the only ones that act this way.
Ironically, for the woman, Jeana, she comes from a household where both parents are still married, and her junior sister is happily married. So, her ass has seen up, close, and personal what a functional relationship – albeit- marriage looks like. And all I can conclude is that she doesn’t what a functional relationship for herself. Because why would you say the stupidest things over a classy dinner?
And I kid you not, Steve Harvey is on some morning program, keepin' it 99% funky...
“Do you really want to change your oil?”
“Do you want to take the garbage out?”
“Be’cuz these are things men do!” Ha, tell ‘em Steve!
cheers,
Bellini
You seek companionship.
You finally have a date and is dating.
But then you tell the man over dinner that you couldn’t entertain a long distance relationship because he lives four hours away – a measly 4. Considering I live on the east coast, four hours is the distance between D.C. and NY--halfway is Philly. Easier said then done, I'll concede the fact, but it's doable!
And all your kids are grown, except for your 16 year-old.
What are you holding back for?
You even allude to the fact, that chivalry is not for you – because you waiting for a guy to open your door for you is unrealistic – you reckon you’ve been opening your own doors for over decade now, for yourself and your kids…
This ladies and gentlemen is a real tale.
A tale so genuine that I identified with the scenario because I know all types of sistas that fit the bill. But, this particular scenario – comes straight from the Real Housewives of Orange County. Surprise.
And sistas thought they were the only ones that act this way.
Ironically, for the woman, Jeana, she comes from a household where both parents are still married, and her junior sister is happily married. So, her ass has seen up, close, and personal what a functional relationship – albeit- marriage looks like. And all I can conclude is that she doesn’t what a functional relationship for herself. Because why would you say the stupidest things over a classy dinner?
And I kid you not, Steve Harvey is on some morning program, keepin' it 99% funky...
“Do you really want to change your oil?”
“Do you want to take the garbage out?”
“Be’cuz these are things men do!” Ha, tell ‘em Steve!
cheers,
Bellini
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Foot-N-Mouth Disease
I am one of the millions of people who suffer from Foot-N-Mouth disease, an illness that seems to afflict women more often than men. I first realized I had this problem while hanging out at Rum Punch’s church when we were in high school. A fellow male church member, who I felt was quite easy on the eyes, came over to talk to her about church bizzness. When he left I told Rum P. that I thought he was very attractive, but how difficult his life was going to be because he was soooo short. And no, I did not whisper…that would have been too much like right. So when Rum P. told me that this short sexy fella’s mother was sitting right next to us, I really couldn’t apologize for telling the truth. There was nothing else I could do aside from open my mouth and insert my foot.
Now over the years I think I have learned to control my disease using tact and politeness, at least I hope I have. To have my mom tell it, I have always been very opinionated. But I like to think that when I am dispensing my views to others I think they know I ain’t trying to be mean, just trying to be helpful not hurtful. And usually I prescribe my opinion pills will a spoonful of sugar (usually a smile or a back pat) to help them go down a little bit easier.
But on Sunday I had another flare up of my disease. My new, wise and older male friend has repeatedly expressed dissatisfaction with his job and life after comparing himself with other folks. It is his belief that he should be further along in life. Well ya’ll know how it is when someone you care about keeps talking about the same thing over and over and over again. I mean you care, but you also just want to tell them to poop or just get off the pot already! And since I am not a therapist, but tend to play one in my real life…I gave him a few suggestions on how he could be a better man. Yeah I know. Aside from giving him inspirational stories from the history of Black folks in America a la from slaves to CEOs, I gave my own tale of how I made it…and then I say things like: “Why don’t you…” “You need to…” “Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting something different…” I wasn’t trying to emasculate…but he thought I was wielding a knife in my hand.
And while numerous times he said I was right, I don’t think he was ready to hear what I had to say…especially coming from me, a younger woman he is attracted to, and as a person who hasn’t know him from way back when. I don’t even know the things he’s had to endure or is enduring on a daily basis. And while I was coming from a helpful place, he could have seen me as being mean and critical.
But it wasn’t until my phone call rang twice and went straight to voicemail that I thought that maybe, just possibly my foot had snuck back into my mouth again. And as I wrote my apology text message, that progressively grew into a full fledge email, I realized that I wasn’t sorry for what I said…but moreso if he was hurt by what I said. I guess I’ll know for sure if or when he accepts my apology. So until then, Dr. Amaretto is out of business until her foot can be surgically removed from her mouth…
See You In Seven
Now over the years I think I have learned to control my disease using tact and politeness, at least I hope I have. To have my mom tell it, I have always been very opinionated. But I like to think that when I am dispensing my views to others I think they know I ain’t trying to be mean, just trying to be helpful not hurtful. And usually I prescribe my opinion pills will a spoonful of sugar (usually a smile or a back pat) to help them go down a little bit easier.
But on Sunday I had another flare up of my disease. My new, wise and older male friend has repeatedly expressed dissatisfaction with his job and life after comparing himself with other folks. It is his belief that he should be further along in life. Well ya’ll know how it is when someone you care about keeps talking about the same thing over and over and over again. I mean you care, but you also just want to tell them to poop or just get off the pot already! And since I am not a therapist, but tend to play one in my real life…I gave him a few suggestions on how he could be a better man. Yeah I know. Aside from giving him inspirational stories from the history of Black folks in America a la from slaves to CEOs, I gave my own tale of how I made it…and then I say things like: “Why don’t you…” “You need to…” “Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting something different…” I wasn’t trying to emasculate…but he thought I was wielding a knife in my hand.
And while numerous times he said I was right, I don’t think he was ready to hear what I had to say…especially coming from me, a younger woman he is attracted to, and as a person who hasn’t know him from way back when. I don’t even know the things he’s had to endure or is enduring on a daily basis. And while I was coming from a helpful place, he could have seen me as being mean and critical.
But it wasn’t until my phone call rang twice and went straight to voicemail that I thought that maybe, just possibly my foot had snuck back into my mouth again. And as I wrote my apology text message, that progressively grew into a full fledge email, I realized that I wasn’t sorry for what I said…but moreso if he was hurt by what I said. I guess I’ll know for sure if or when he accepts my apology. So until then, Dr. Amaretto is out of business until her foot can be surgically removed from her mouth…
See You In Seven
Monday, February 16, 2009
Love is Never Straight Forward, Pt. 1
"I think I understand..." she says sober the next morning after an evening of drinking wine on an empty stomach. “Babe, we don't need to talk about it anymore and I understand why. I probably shouldn't have tried to have the conversation in the first place.”
You see when Shauna gets around John, her heart starts to flutter and the metaphor is no more figurative. There is undeniably chemistry in the air when these two souls unite. He feels at home, she is at home. (chuckle)
However, there is an elephant in the room. One that Shauna seems to be oblivious to and one that John can’t shake every time he looks at her. Shauna’s a smart woman and she has been told the cautionary tale many times by several friends the dangers of messing with John. But she only chooses to acknowledge the one that makes for good drama television. “He’s a man-whore!” and I quote, says one of John’s supposed friends.
Really? Shauna knows John. She has heard the stories of conquest from both sides, been bcc on some of the emails and text messages. She is, like I said before, a smart woman and can form her own opinions. So is he a man-whore? Not at all. John is a handsome man that has enough charisma to charm the panties-off a twice-divorced, mother of none, owner of three spaniels, daughter of a drug-lord on a bad day. (chuckle) Yes, he has had his share of conquests but so as Shauna.
The comments that Shauna fail to acknowledge were “But you are still married!?!” “So what does that have to do with anything? We are separated.” Shauna defends. (sigh) Oh, Shauna, lords knows you love John but after almost a year of separation you are still not divorced. Even John himself, as asked you… "How long does it take to get a divorce?” Could you answer that question without biting your tongue?
Think about the comments Johns probably acknowledges about you from his friends. “Ma’ boy, slow your roll on that piece. If she really was over the Mr. she would have already taken care of that.” Which is true, isn’t it Shauna? We can only imagine the conflict inside that causes John to step back even when he wants to step forward. There are no more excuses left. More than 10 months later, “we work together”, “we are just fvck buddies”…don’t apply anymore because neither of these things has been going on for almost 4 months.
What has been going on is…Shauna and John have been spending quality time together. Getting to know each other and seeing if they could truly be friends without any awkward circumstances. But do tell how these circumstances could be less awkward? These two could only be together in the same space but for so long before the pressure is too much. Shauna wants to spill her over flowing emotion filled heart all over him and John wants to revert back to safer grounds.
A few more drops of that wine in an empty stomach…
“I can’t take it anymore. I want to be with you. Don’t you want to be with me?”
“Well then, why?”
You see when Shauna gets around John, her heart starts to flutter and the metaphor is no more figurative. There is undeniably chemistry in the air when these two souls unite. He feels at home, she is at home. (chuckle)
However, there is an elephant in the room. One that Shauna seems to be oblivious to and one that John can’t shake every time he looks at her. Shauna’s a smart woman and she has been told the cautionary tale many times by several friends the dangers of messing with John. But she only chooses to acknowledge the one that makes for good drama television. “He’s a man-whore!” and I quote, says one of John’s supposed friends.
Really? Shauna knows John. She has heard the stories of conquest from both sides, been bcc on some of the emails and text messages. She is, like I said before, a smart woman and can form her own opinions. So is he a man-whore? Not at all. John is a handsome man that has enough charisma to charm the panties-off a twice-divorced, mother of none, owner of three spaniels, daughter of a drug-lord on a bad day. (chuckle) Yes, he has had his share of conquests but so as Shauna.
The comments that Shauna fail to acknowledge were “But you are still married!?!” “So what does that have to do with anything? We are separated.” Shauna defends. (sigh) Oh, Shauna, lords knows you love John but after almost a year of separation you are still not divorced. Even John himself, as asked you… "How long does it take to get a divorce?” Could you answer that question without biting your tongue?
Think about the comments Johns probably acknowledges about you from his friends. “Ma’ boy, slow your roll on that piece. If she really was over the Mr. she would have already taken care of that.” Which is true, isn’t it Shauna? We can only imagine the conflict inside that causes John to step back even when he wants to step forward. There are no more excuses left. More than 10 months later, “we work together”, “we are just fvck buddies”…don’t apply anymore because neither of these things has been going on for almost 4 months.
What has been going on is…Shauna and John have been spending quality time together. Getting to know each other and seeing if they could truly be friends without any awkward circumstances. But do tell how these circumstances could be less awkward? These two could only be together in the same space but for so long before the pressure is too much. Shauna wants to spill her over flowing emotion filled heart all over him and John wants to revert back to safer grounds.
A few more drops of that wine in an empty stomach…
“I can’t take it anymore. I want to be with you. Don’t you want to be with me?”
“I do but I can’t. Believe me you are not alone in this struggle.”
“Well then, why?”
“I can’t talk about this right now, babe.”
Stay tuned for part deux...funny how life can be as good as fiction.
Much luv until next week...peace :)
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