that new new for you

"A NEW boyfriend has a way of putting into stark relief the pros and cons of a predecessor."
--catherine saint louis for the nytimes.

truer words ya'll, truer word. although ms. saint louis was using the joys and trials of relationships to illustrate the rising appeal of ulta, a less expensive alternative to cosmetics giant sephora, she really hit nail to head.

you know how you get done dealing with someone, but not really done mulling them over in your mind? you do the facebook check every few days. a lil twitter stalking. or as in the olden days, you lie in bed and go over every conversation you can remember. every moment ya'll spent together. dissecting each look, each word, each smile, each touch.

until that moment...

when you spring up in bed in the middle of the night
when you see them on the street in the light of newfound awareness of the wack factor
when you minding your own business at the bar and a fine ass walks up to you and says hello

until that moment right there when you say to yourself

WHAT.THE.FUCK.WAS.I.THINKING?

why was i so open. why did i think i was so in like (or love) with him. he wasn't even alladat. he was just a basic bitch (c) @lilduval.

when i had my moment a few months ago, it made me laugh. and now ever time i see dude i just chuckle (c) courvorsier deep in my soul.

now i'm not so much bitter or angry. but please believe, in the moment when it was done i was kinda mad and hurt. more so cause i like to be the one ending shit round these parts. nigga you don't leave me. i leave you first. i know, i'm conceited, i got a reason.

but here's what i know for sure. more likely than not, there will be a new boyfriend. not only because i'm the hotness but because men try to holla at anything and everything one will prolly try to holla at me at some point in the future. and when one such dude tries to holla, i may kinda like him. and he'll kinda like me and we'll become boo'd up. and undoubtedly the new boo will provide an opportunity for vivid contrast and comparison to the last. and so being an expectant optimistic girl in a pessimistic world, the possibility of the new makes me so aaa-cited!!! (c) ruby. for the good and for the bad. i'll know that old brand of bullshit when i see it a little sooner than the last time. and i'll savor the sweet way he calls just to talk to me about my day a little longer because the last dude didn't.

and that, my dears, is why forever gon be fun (c) cee-lo green.

Love is Never Straight Forward, Pt. 1

"I think I understand..." she says sober the next morning after an evening of drinking wine on an empty stomach. “Babe, we don't need to talk about it anymore and I understand why. I probably shouldn't have tried to have the conversation in the first place.”

You see when Shauna gets around John, her heart starts to flutter and the metaphor is no more figurative. There is undeniably chemistry in the air when these two souls unite. He feels at home, she is at home. (chuckle)

However, there is an elephant in the room. One that Shauna seems to be oblivious to and one that John can’t shake every time he looks at her. Shauna’s a smart woman and she has been told the cautionary tale many times by several friends the dangers of messing with John. But she only chooses to acknowledge the one that makes for good drama television. “He’s a man-whore!” and I quote, says one of John’s supposed friends.

Really? Shauna knows John. She has heard the stories of conquest from both sides, been bcc on some of the emails and text messages. She is, like I said before, a smart woman and can form her own opinions. So is he a man-whore? Not at all. John is a handsome man that has enough charisma to charm the panties-off a twice-divorced, mother of none, owner of three spaniels, daughter of a drug-lord on a bad day. (chuckle) Yes, he has had his share of conquests but so as Shauna.

The comments that Shauna fail to acknowledge were “But you are still married!?!” “So what does that have to do with anything? We are separated.” Shauna defends. (sigh) Oh, Shauna, lords knows you love John but after almost a year of separation you are still not divorced. Even John himself, as asked you… "How long does it take to get a divorce?” Could you answer that question without biting your tongue?

Think about the comments Johns probably acknowledges about you from his friends. “Ma’ boy, slow your roll on that piece. If she really was over the Mr. she would have already taken care of that.” Which is true, isn’t it Shauna? We can only imagine the conflict inside that causes John to step back even when he wants to step forward. There are no more excuses left. More than 10 months later, “we work together”, “we are just fvck buddies”…don’t apply anymore because neither of these things has been going on for almost 4 months.

What has been going on is…Shauna and John have been spending quality time together. Getting to know each other and seeing if they could truly be friends without any awkward circumstances. But do tell how these circumstances could be less awkward? These two could only be together in the same space but for so long before the pressure is too much. Shauna wants to spill her over flowing emotion filled heart all over him and John wants to revert back to safer grounds.

A few more drops of that wine in an empty stomach…

“I can’t take it anymore. I want to be with you. Don’t you want to be with me?”

“I do but I can’t. Believe me you are not alone in this struggle.”

“Well then, why?”

“I can’t talk about this right now, babe.”

Stay tuned for part deux...funny how life can be as good as fiction.

Much luv until next week...peace :)