29 and Thankful

I have been watching MTV’s Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant pretty regularly. I should be ashamed of this, but I am not. Lol. For those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about – these shows are chronicling teens’ experiences with being pregnant and/or raising babies.

Anyway. Every time I watch I find myself yelling at the TV. And here’s why. Cause it’s just too much for my senses and has me wondering where the heck the parents are.

Let me tell y’all something about Mama Rum Punch. She crazy! At least that’s what my 16 year old self thought. And for real, for real, that’s what my 29 (whew first time writin it out!) thinks too! My mama had these vague “rules” that at the time seemed sooo unfair to me – but when I look back over my life – Mama knew what was up.

Rule #1 - The Power of the “Random” No – Let’s say someone was gonna have a party on Friday night. And something else fun and exciting was going on Saturday night. Score, I would think to myself. It’s gonna be a great weekend. Run the plans by mama. She would say point blank, “you can go to one of those events, but not both.” What the fuss?!?! I would storm off in a huff. She ain’t care. I would come back to the dining room table, there she would be working on her crossword puzzle or drinking her coffee all cool and calm. “So for real though, I can’t do both?” “No, Rummy.” Well damn. This taught me a few lessons. 1. You don’t get everything you want out of life. But more importantly 2. that you don’t have to do it all. Sometimes you need quiet time. Rest time. You time. Family time. Read a book and enjoy your own company time. One thing that just sticks in my craw is that my 17 year old cousin stays havin’ the following status updates on The Book – “in da house. Chillin. Bored. Need sumthin to do.” ARGGGG!!!! I soo want to be like, READ A BOOK! So yeah. Big ups mama.

Rule #2: - Boyfriend? What you talkin’ bout Willis? – Sometimes on the shows the girls will say they have been dating their baby daddy for 3 years. I do the math. So you mean to tell me y’all been dating since you were 13?! And your parents approved of such?! And these girls be serious too. All in “love”. Get mad cause he “cheated” two years ago. How can you cheat on someone at 14?!?! I wish I could have told my mom this was my boyfriend and we were going to the movies! Or we're gonna sit up in my room with the door closed. Heeeee! My mama woulda beat the yellow off me.

My mom had a rule that I couldn’t date anyone two years older than me. Same grade or a year older. (Which funny I tuned into the Bmore morning show this morning and the therapist they had on there talking about teen dating said the same) I was pissed! But now I understand.

Now did I always follow my mom’s rules? Looks at camera and says, “No! Of course not!” But I think what they helped keep me grounded, look at things from a practical manner and not get in too deep. Looking back she seemed to be trying to just get me to enjoy being a teen. All that grown up lovey dovey stuff, ‘nig you ain’t ish’ would come soon enough. I distinctly remember being in 9th grade and “dating” this guy in 11th (yeah I know, I know) – and some chick thought she was dating him too. This girl’s friend accosted me in the hallway. My friends were then tryna fight said girl at the end of the school day. I was like, “uhhhh… I’m fina go home. But y’all can fight her if you wanna.” Even then I knew nigs weren’t worth fighting for. Lmao!

Grown up me now understands that my mom was aware of dangers and pitfalls that my 16 year old self couldn’t even conceive. Knew the hidden curves, dark alleys, dead end streets up ahead, while all I saw was easy street. Was just tryna ground me, so I could eventually fly.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

question of the day: "dating" someone at "work"?

so a co-worker and i had a debate about whether you should "date" someone at your "work."  as a generic and abstract principle the overwhelming majority of people (myself included) would say no.  but there are exceptions to every unwritten rule and in this particular situation the terms "date" and "work" aren't quite so clear.

here's the deal:

i work in a legal office.  attorneys in my office are in court every day.  we interact with people at court like judges, district attorneys, sheriffs deputies, file clerks, court staff and random defendants.  some of these folks we see once and never again.  others we see on a daily basis and in my head i call the regulars the court characters (or "cc").  a co-worker, we'll call her newbie, was recently approached by one of the court character's and asked "to go out sometime."  this cc was very respectful in his approach.  newbie turned him down.politely but then came to my other co-worker, ms. goody, for advice about whether she should have accepted the cc's date offer.

ms. goody told newbie she did the right thing.  Her reasons were two-fold: that newbie shouldn't date someone she works with and that if she said yes to this cc, all the other cc's would try to holla at newbie on the regular.

when ms. goody told me about what happened, i told her i saw the situation differently.  first off, we don't really work with the cc's.  although we see the cc's on regularly, to date one of them is a little different than dating someone who works in-house at our organization.  second, i said that going out with someone one time isn't necessarily dating and if them other cc's try to step to her she can say no just like she did before she went out with this one cc.

then i went in with the "we are single black women in our mid to late 20's" argument.  i told ms. goody that this particular cc was kinda hot and was very respectful and professional.  plus we go from home to work and back again so where else is newbie, or either one of us, going to meet eligible men if not on the job?

then i circled back to newbie and told her that she should accept the cc's offer if she was actually interested in him.  i suggested that once they had a date she could discuss with him the need to be professional and discrete while on the job, reasonable requests that most grown folks can get with.

was i right or was i right?

what say ya'll?  what advice would you give newbie?

miracle babies

Definition of a miracle baby:

usually male, birthed to a mother who deems child must truly be anointed

****
So, last weekend the discussion of the miracle baby came up twice in two different settings with two different people, so Bellini figured she betta discuss it with folks.

So my cousin's cousin (aka Rick) graduated from high school two years ago I think and he's in communiy college right around the corner from his parents' house. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Apparently his grades are decent, yet let cousin dearest tell it - Rick is just bidin' his time to an aimless life, void of drive and direction.

backstory
Rick was supposed to enroll at his cousin's alma mater. Get away from the urrea sorry, just had to do it and "live the life" so to speak. Well, he hasn't made it there yet. And said cousin feel like Mama is holding Rick back. I also might add that Rick almost didn't make in this world. Mama endured several miscarriages prior to Rick being born. Consequently, she was through with the babymaking. So, Rick is only child.

However there is another elephant in the room. Rick's Daddy. Rick's Daddy has kind of lived an aimless life. partially because he could. Rick & co. were very well-off the past two decades or so ago and then the well ran dry. And you know when there's money the jaded hue of green can imbue happy feelings cue the elements - Earth, Wind, and Fire. Rick needs to be pushed instead of being coddled. Mama can't really push him - that's her miracle baby that can do no wrong. The fact that he's alive is testimony.

****
Bob and Sharon oldest is bad (Aaron) as fcuk. Aaron has embarrased his parents, well mainly his Mama countless times, 'cuz usually Mama is the only parent around for the drama. For some peculiar reason she has made herself his Chief Enabler. Sharon refuses to enlist Bob's help in co-parenting she carries the burden by herself, however Sharon is not a single Mom. Bad grades, poor behavior - Sharon to the rescue. No Bob in sight. Bellini says "beat 'em". That boy needs a good ol' fashioned whoopin'. Tell his sister go get the switch. Not Sharon's miracle baby. Not the Aaron who was a preemie. Was just 2 pounds at a birth.

***

Is anybody in search of a disseration topic - please study miracle babies of the black variety - oh - and kindly send me your results. Inquiring minds want to know.

cheers,

Bellini

P.S. Extend well wishes to Rummy - she and the President share something in common.

Living your desired life despite my budget

Funny how life works….

When growing up I was encouraged to think about and work towards the lifestyle I desired. The funny think about that is, everyone has you thinking your lifestyle will be based upon making a lot of money. And com’ on let’s face it, everybody isn’t going to be a millionaire. So does that mean I can’t experience anything from that lifestyle? The thought of that makes me slightly upset. Especially since I spend way too many hours at my current place of employment.

The end of my marriage has really got me thinking that life is not as guaranteed as it may seem. Everything could be gone at the blank of an eye or a late evening discussion. So maybe, just maybe I should covet my experiences more than my possessions.

But how do I achieve these experiences that make me happy on my budget? I told myself that I was going to have to be a little bit more savvy. Refine some of my rules.

First Tip: It is okay to travel and do things by myself. For a long time I thought I needed a partner. Couple years ago Amaretto and I discussed doing this with baby steps. First the movies, then the café/restaurant, a concert and eventually travel.

Second Tip: Be open to making new friends. Having friends all over experiences so much more memorable. Almost all of my friends went their separate ways after college and as busy as I am I try to keep in touch. Keeping touch with an old friend from way back then always presents an opportunity for a new experience.

Third Tip: Don’t pass up an opportunity because it is not the way you originally envisioned it. I always thought my first trip to Morocco would be my honeymoon with the husband I had not found yet. Silly me, because my ex-husband had no interest in visiting that area of the world. (chuckle) And at the time, tip number one was a no go so I just resigned the thought of ever travelling there. Fast forward, a few years later, I found a artists trip that a budget friendly. Blessing.

Fourth tip: Be generous, courteous and easy going. I try to be generous, courteous and easygoing on my visits. Vacations should be fun and no one wants to feel anything less that happy and excited… that goes for everyone. Stress destroys an experience in a minute. Leave stress at work.

Fifth tip: Be creative and brainstorm to overcome your problems. A big problem for me was my dog. Who is going to watch my little J-diva. It is a little unfair to ask friends and family every time. And paying for her to stay at a kennel that I deem acceptable is WAY too pricy for my budget. So when I heard a studio mate of mine house sits on the regular for her friends as getaway from her room mate. I instantly thought, this could be a win-win for both of us. She could stay at my place and watch Java for half the price of the kennel. So far so good…

Overall I have decided that I am not going to limit my experiences based on my budget. If I want to be an avid traveler, I have got to get in the habit of doing that on a shoestring budget. Making more money should improve my quality level… like from coach to private jet. (chuckle)

Much luv until next week… peace :)