Blind Date

Where (and by default how) should a woman meet a man? This is not the start of a riddle. This is a genuine question. There has always been the clucking of tongues when people meet at bars. And I recently heard on NPR that the “stigma” of meeting someone online is “fading away”. Or something.

But as one gets older – what is the proper way to meet a potential mate? I ask because a former co-worker told me that she met this dude at Largo. I’m guessing the mall. But I don’t really know the inner workings of gorgeous Prince George’s (County) like that. So I’m like huh? And then she tells me how their “relationship” was on crack and speed combined and he was talkin some you're my girlfriend in like two days. And then things subsequently crashed and burned. And I’m sitting there like huh? But he could be… A whole lotta things is what Amaretto and I agreed upon. And at the top of that list, he turned out to be crazy.

But this is normal behavior for her. She would always be coming with some story of I met him while we were both driving on the highway and he shouted his number. Or I was standing on the street corner and he drove past saying he liked my style. Or I was in the [insert your favorite fine dining chain restaurant here] parking lot and he pulled up and we ended up talking for hours. Uh. Wheredeydodatat?

Color me confused, but these sound like scenarios from my high school/college days. And even then I was not fina call no nig from the highway. And we won’t even get into my other recently separated, new to the dating world co-worker who is part of some online community mess called Tagged. It’s like Black Planet, MySpace, and Match.com all in a pitiful, hotghettoomess (no BET) place. But when not trolling the nets, she is now smitten with the dude who delivers the meat to the grocery store near our workplace . Ummm… Ok. If you like it, I love it. I guess…

Amaretto and I have been joking about a post on someone being kid tested and mother approved. You know? That there is someone in your life who will say this is a cool person worthy of your time. And also stamp you as cool and worthy. The last few guys I have been out with have had a connection to someone or some parts of my life. Either it was a blind date. Or we went to high school together (but didn’t kick it like that at the time). Or it was a friend of a friend.

Regardless of the situation, I could verify with someone I know and trust who the hell this person is. At least the seemingly important parts. Like, no he doesn't have a wife and two kids back home that he's just no telling you about. Or yes he does work, like actually WORK there. And yes I did see him walk 'cross that stage and get his dimploma. And on. I mean there’s a reason the old folk talk about a time when you looked someone in the face and asked the important question, “who your folk?” Or “who your mama n’em?” Cause they had to know if they were looking crazy/alcoholics/pure dysfunctionism in the face. And if they were gon' let alladat in they family.

So Minty has hipped to this thing that real life matchmaker (and cutie pie) Hitch does on Twitter. Every Wednesday he picks one of his male clients to feature. He might give a few stats. The man’s age, occupation, city. And then women can “ask” real life Hitch questions and he will provide the bachelor’s answers. Now. We know Twitter is limited to 140 characters, right? Riiight. So how deep can these questions be? And should I mention that he doesn’t reveal the bachelor’s photo til the end? And then from all the women who asked questions, real life Hitch picks one – and the two go on a date. Ok.

I’ve checked it the past three weeks. And these women are thirsty as hell. And I’ma go ahead and qualify that with Black. Cause I know these are Black women. Who are thirsty as hell. And I’m like damn! It’s like that? You trust some dude in this game all in the name of profit love to set you up with a stranger?!? And you don’t even know what dude looks like? You just think he's a good catch cause... Cause why?

Cause the game done changed. Cause up is down. And gay is straight. And people get fake offended when you ask the hard questions. And then want to act like you should trust them after a month. And you know you shouldn't. But clocks tick. And people women get desperate. And let their guards down. Or think that maybe meeting him in this dark ass club is not such a bad thing. Especially if he takes you out in the daytime. And you can be the anomaly. That couple that met in a bar and got married! Yayyy! And, and, and...people grope in the dark for some kind of truth. Some kind of connection. Some kind of love.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

women are funnny!

so this is a recollection of stories seen, heard, observed, and everything in between.

So, a co-worker shared a story that occured a few months ago... As she and her boyfriend were plannig for their recent vacay to Mexico. Now her boyfriend - Taylor*, likes to shower her with gifts. So, in preparation for the trip, he purchased a dress from Bebe. So, the sales associate embarks on the attack...

"Wow-how sweet that you're shopping for you Mother."
"Uhh-not my mother - my girlfriend."
"Oh, so your girl is a size 6. Well next time when you shop for me, I'm a size 4."
"No, thanks. I like my woman with some meat!"

That's right Taylor shut that b*sh down. Women are funnny!

Now a few weeks ago I attended a wedding. The bride has only one sister. So, after the nuptials, when it was time to take pictures. The bride's sister refused to be in any of the pictures. Her logic was given the fact that she snapped a few pics, she was occupied with that endeavor. I must be Boo-boo the fool as my manicurist would say 'cuz you snapped a FEW pics and commenced to smoked your cigar (outside in the hot a$$ sun). But folks, the sister is just mad and bitter. See bitter sister has been a girlfriend for 17 years and counting and the bride married her boyfriend in 5 years. So sister reckons she can be selfish?
Women are funny!

Now there's a friend, Kai, who has a daughter and she and the child's father, TJ, have since moved on. TJ is married and Kai is in a long-term relationship. But for some reason her TJ's-wife wants them to besties. She invites her to all functions, tries to friend her on Facebook, etc. Now Kai is cool-she prefers relationships of the organic variety. Just let it flow, not some manufactured situation. And TJ's wife, Vanesssa, doesn't realize that Kai has peeped her game. There have been times when Vanessa has been insecure and prompted TJ to "choose" between she and his daughter. what are you talkin' bout Bellini Well, back when Kai and TJ were a couple he showered her with some trinkets from Tiffanys and Co... and Vanessa became inadvertently aware since one of her stepdaughter's trinkets formerly belonged to Kai. So, when Valentine's Day rolled around and the daughter asked TJ to take her to Tiffany's so she could buy her Mom her Valentine's Day gift - Vanessa went ballistic! Vanessa informed her husband "doesn't she have enough from Tiffanys!?" Well, I'll stay in the car while you two do that." Alrighty then.
Women are funnny!

And thank God, Bellini is nothing like that...

cheers,

Bellini

Just Passing It Along

Heeeeeeeeeey ya'll! Sorry for not posting last week, and sorry for not really posting this week; but it's just been crazy in my personal and work life here lately-and it would take many a blog-that I am too slouthful to write-to get all my feelings and obeservations out in a way that doesn't portray me as a ranting and raving lunatic. And I say all dat to say, Imma do better by ya'll next month!

So, my coworker sent me the following email today and I thought it was pretty interesting in the ha ha ha ho ho ho way-and that's probably because it was a welcomed distraction from work. Not that Mr. Tazz Daddy is wrong, I think women need more insights from non female or gay male friends on the inner workings of masculine mind-but it's like just when I thought all I needed to know was how to cook, save money, find a bargain, balance a checkbook, give back to my community, love the Lord and be a good sistergirl friend and a regular ole girlfriend-I get this. What he mean that I can no longer have Beyonce as my life coach? Say whaaaaaaaaaat?


15 Things All Black Women Should Know

1. We don’t think that every Black woman is a bitch, but we damn sure know the difference between a bitch and a lady. It would behoove you to conduct yourself in a positive manner. We don’t have time for a lot of slick talking, unnecessary debate.

2. Your job doesn’t mean anything to us and neither does your title. When we choose a mate, were more concerned with how they act, and if they’re able to carry on a stimulating intellectual conversation about various subjects. I’m not going to say that we don’t care what you look like physically, because that would be lying. Men definitely care about how you look; we’re just not as obsessed with it as you think we are.

3. We can’t stand your hair weaves! We can’t touch your hair, let alone pull it during sex. So many of you start off with such long beautiful hair, and then the very next week it brand-new hair sewn in. This totally baffles us; it makes us feel like you never satisfied with your image. When it comes to choosing a mate we don’t want an indecisive, self-conscious woman. And we all know you don’t want an indecisive self-conscious man!

4. We don’t want to hear about your ex-boyfriends/husbands and how horrible they were to you. We are not responsible for their mistakes, nor will we sit around and pay for them. If you have not given yourself enough time to get over your ex, do us a favor and seek psychological help before entering into a relationship with us.

5. No Black Man respects Steve Harvey’s opinion on women. This man is a professional comedian who is backed up by Oprah Winfrey. How can you believe advice from a woman who can’t commit to a man she’s been with for over 20 years? That’s as asinine as me giving diet tips!

6. We know the difference between a wife and a jumpoff. We don’t need to hear you tell us how much of a "good woman" you are. That will be evidenced by the way that you carry yourself.

7. Its true: All Men Are Dogs! What you fail to realize is that all dogs have different pedigrees! It’s up to you to determine the difference between the poodles, the mongrels, the German shepherds, and the rabid pit bull’s. Depending on the pedigree some dogs are loyal, and some dogs are wayward much that you should never touch because you could catch something: like rabies!

8. We want a woman who’s going to be willing to submit to us. Where women mess up, is by thinking that we mean that we want a slave, or a maid. A man who is bringing his A-game desires a cheerleader from the sidelines, who can double as an assistant coach. We also want someone who can play wide receiver as well as understand that there is only room for one quarterback. In layman’s terms, we don’t want you behind us, we want you beside us. We need women who are able to support our dreams and our vision without all of the nagging and jaw jacking that tends to come with some sistas.

9. Your girlfriends have absolutely no business in our relationship/marriage! Many of today’s modern women feel like they need someone to cosign every decision they make in their relationship/marriage. This annoys the living daylights out of every Black man I know including myself. And that goes double for your male "best friend". This guy either wants to sleep with you (and you’re unaware of it) or he already has in the past. Either way, he DAMN SURE doesn’t need to know what’s going on in our relationship/marriage!

10. Sex and children are not weapons! If you manipulate a man by using sex and children, you will eventually find yourself by yourself! Or there’s the alternative: you find yourself with a man who truly does not want to be with you but has no choice, because he wants to see his child. When it comes to sex, it can only hold a weak man hostage. Strong men who have their lives together understand that they have many options. Some of which, are better options than you are.

11. Mind games never work! Even if you manage to manipulate a man, sooner or later he’ll become aware of your manipulation and he will resent you for it. Thinking that you are slicker than a can of oil, can only lead you to slip up! Men respect women who can be open and honest with them! After all, isn’t that what you want in a man?

12. don’t go through our phones, our computers or through our cars without our permission. When you choose to become a private detective in your relationship/marriage, you’re telling us that you don’t have any trust in us at all! Once the trust is broken, you have nothing left to stand on in your relationship. You are not Sherlock Holmes, you are not Nancy Drew, and you damn sure are not Joey Greco from the TV show Cheaters. If you have questions and concerns, open your mouth and addressed him like an adult. If you can’t do this, and you feel the need to snoop, you might as well leave the relationship.

13. If you have one or more friends who is a slut, most men will tend to believe that you probably are a slut as well. While that sounds particularly harsh, it’s how man’s brains are wired. Even if you’re not a slut or a whore, why would you condone the behavior of your "friend" who acts like one? That makes as much sense as a man who has a friend who does not take care of his children. Or about as much sense as a man who has a friend who cheats on his wife. If your woman with even the smallest ounce of self-respect, you would question us the same way that we would question you if you had a friend who was as open as a Waffle House in the middle of Georgia.

14. Don’t Listen to the Media! As a broadcast professional of over 20 years, I can assure you that when information is put out of about Black men and Black women, it is done for one purpose and one purpose alone: Ratings! The media is in the business of Ratings, Revenue & Entertainment, not in the business of serving the Black community and Black women in a way that will uplift and empower them. Black men are not all gay or on the "Down Low"! Black men are not all in jail/prison! There are plenty of us who are educated, eligible, hard working and who are willing to love you unconditionally if given the chance. You have to be willing to come to the realization that your "Knight in shining armor" may come in the form of a plumber, mail carrier, or small business owner. If you spend your life waiting on the float with Mr. Universe on it, you’re going to miss the entire parade!

15. Stop using Beyoncé as a life coach! In recent years, Beyoncé, along with several other R&B artists have made these "Women’s Empowerment Anthems" that have led women to believe that they can throw us "to the left". Contrary to public opinion and prior belief, if you "bust the windows out of our cars", we’re going to press charges against you. If you spend your time looking for a "Sponsor", and Honestly Believe That "If We Liked It Then We Should’ve Put a Ring on it", then you truly don’t understand what we’re all about! to us what we hear one and say that she wants a "sponsor", we hear that she’s trying to use her vagina and good looks for money. Believe it or not, most men don’t want a prostitute. Also, when we Love you, we will "put a ring on it", and not a minute before where ready! Finally, Beyoncé may talk a good game on records and in videos, but what most of you are failing to realize is that she is a very Happily Married Woman! Beyoncé is also the woman who wrote the song "Cater to You", but for some strange reason you don’t go around quoting that one!

Ladies, these views are my personal take on things that my friends and I have always had issues with when it came to Black women. I hope you take this letter and the spirit of honesty, and not turn it into an attack on all Black Women.

Your love, honored, and respected, but like some Black men, some of you need to get it together.

Tazz Daddy is an Award Winning Cultural Specialist, Radio Personality, Lecturer and Author. His latest book: "Common Sense Ain’t Common", is available for pre-order at the "books" tab at http://TazzDaddy.com/

So is there anything that you just don't agree with? Do you have a #16 or a list of things all men should know about women? Care and share it here!

See You In Seven

No patience...

Last week, I confirmed something about my personality. I think I already knew this but it is officially written in stone now.

I can only do the pity thing but for so long before I snap into get-it-together mode and do something! It is the only way I feel like I am actually getting over it is by doing something, try, no matter what I predict the outcome will be.

Which brings me to my share-all story today. I have a friend (not me of course) that had a strong feeling that he was going to be laid off about two months ago. At this time I told him, "Well it sounds like it is time for you to update your resume and send it out." His response was that he had been working for this company for 20 years and was going to just hang tight to see where it goes since the last time they did lay-offs they kept him. (DEEP SIGH) I say "Okay, but you are aware that you can do both, right?"

Fast forward 2 months later, he finds out that they are laying him off. Okay before I tell you more details, lay-offs happen I understand, but this, what I am about explain, I don't.

First, your supervisor says I think we might lay you off next week Friday. Keyword = Think. That is rather unprofessional and inappropriate.

Second, on Monday the owner of the company pulls you in the hallway to ask you if you heard about the finances.

[Pause Why do I care? [Play]

He tells you the company isn't doing to well and he is Sorry

[Play]

That he has had to lay-off a few people including his daughter.

[Play]

Because she isn't producing.

[Pause] "Why do I care?" [Play]

And I want you to know that I kind of need you around this week to do some stuff but understand if you are unable to...

[Pause] This situation is getting way too manipulative for me... first you go for the pity card about how YOUR company isn't doing well that you had to let down your own child. (Who we know will be fine because a man who hires his daughter to run one of his office locations doesn't just stop doing for her in a time of need.) Then you try to hit me with the but I need you to stay I just don't know until when... I got get everything from you first. EXCUSE ME?[Play]

At this point I say: So did you ask him when is your official last day?

His response: No I did not but let me tell you the rest of the story.

He then proceeds to tell boss man that he will stay and hang around and he understands.

[Pause] Why would you say you understand? What do you understand? Did you leave out some information when telling me the story so I don't understand.[Play]

He says: Well, I didn't want to burn any bridges. And he said he was going rehire us in a month.

I say: Sigh. This is just too much. How is asking the man when he thinks your official last day is burning a bridge. Sigh. Seriously? Twenty years of dedicated hard work would be flushed down the drain if you asked this question? So I said, did you at least set-up a follow up meeting to discuss your exit?

Response: No

[Pause] Okay at this point, I am like why didn't you ask these questions? I am only 29 and you are 37. [Play]

I say: These thoughts didn't cross your mind?

His Response: Not really.

[Pause] That is when it all clicked me... this makes sense. This is why you were there for 20 years. (BIG turn off for me!)

We did the pity-me behavior Friday through Sunday... not talking to nobody... staying in the house. When are we going to get moving. So I said what did you spend the day doing then... debriefing?

He says: No. I was at Borders and Fye.

I said: You weren't updating your resume at work? Sense you were too said to do it on Saturday. Or maybe writing up a memo debriefing on your accounts so the exit could be less painful and more professional.

He says: Nah, I am going to wait until we are done debriefing, that could happen whenever they want, and then I am going to talk about paying me my vacation because I know I am not going to get a severance.

[Pause] Did they say you weren't getting severance? [Play]

Him: No.

Okay so why are you waiting until they have gotten all the information they need to continue business without you to negotiate whether they should pay you a severance and vacation pay? The minute they are debrief on your accounts, your position is officially redundant they have all they need and no need to negotiate. This is why homeboy approached you the way that he did on Monday because he knows that your supervisor already told you maybe getting laid off next week. He knew you knew, that is why he asked you about the finances. Your boss and him already talked about it and made that decision sonny. The only thing that is currently being assessed right now is status of your work and the action plan for your role. HELLO?!?!

SILENCE.

Hello?!? Everything you are telling me I already know.

I said, "Oh, I am sorry. The way you were telling me the story and how you planned on handling it doesn't lead me to believe you do. My bad. No offense. Just trying to make sure you don't allow people to take advantage of you."

SILENCE.

Hello?!?!?

He says: I have to just do what they tell me.

My thoughts: Well if that ain't some coon like behavior. WHAT?! You don't have to do a DAMN thing! (sigh) I digress because obviously I expect too much from folks, maybe I hang out with too many entitled folks and it is rubbing off on me or may I am plain ole delusional. (sigh)

He says: The owner says he doesn't know the details of the figures.

My thoughts: I said I digress. You are a fool if you believe that! And if this was true, then he shouldn't tell you he is laying you off and will maybe hire you in a month... it is inappropriate, one. And two, why would you want to work a company that is SO poorly ran?

I say NOT A DAMN THING... but good night I have to be in NYC in the morning.

Peace and much luv until next week.... I am onto the next one :)