Earlier today whilst I was contemplating what to write about, my mind flashed back to when I lived in the A and this couple my ex was cool with came over on the Fourth. "Yeah, we don't really celebrate this holiday," the chick said as a piece of the "freedom" bbq chicken I had cooked dangled from her lips and they both sat with a plate full of baked beans, mac & cheese, and greens. I distinctly remember giving her the o_O that day. But today, today I totally laughed at that whole situation.
This is my third Fourth of July Holiday post. And I guess as my mind traveled back down memory lane and settled on that incident, I thought about how ol' girl saw the Fourth in the traditional sense - how those who had settled in America wanted "freedom", "independence" from mean, old England. And thus the Declaration of Indepedence was written and signed. A war was eventually fought. Freedom (for some - that is what was clearly bothering her the most) was won. And America went on to be great. Heh.
But today I thought about it on a more personal level. What do we, us individuals need to be free from? Where in our lives do we need to stare down, or fight even, the proverbial man/country that's taxing our asses? What is happening in your life that is making you wanna throw up your hands and say 'give me liberty or give me death cause I can't take this no mo'!' What are you chanting, "give us free" from? Where are you shackled? Crippled? Where do you need to gain some independence and control in your life?
Maybe freedom from debt? Freedom from over eating? Freedom from a job you hate? Maybe a freedom from fear of being successful, or fear of exploring new worlds (literal or figurative), or fear of stepping out into the unknown. Freedom from fear of thinking outside the box, or of growing, or changing? Freedom from low self esteem? The freedom to let go of the past and enjoy the present. The freedom to truly accept and enjoy all sides of yourself, be comfortable in your own skin, to unapologetically just be?
In the movie or was it the show 'Fame', you know Debbie Allen's famous line, "you want fame? Well honey, fame costs. And this is where you start paying." Well, I'm no expert, but freedom costs too. Riiight? Right! Too often people are quick to make New Year's resolutions and expect instantaneous results. Didn't lose those 40 pounds in two weeks? Pass the donuts! Years and experience will teach you that pay-offs aren't usually automatic. Things take time, discipline, patience, discipline, (yes that deserved repeating) work and effort. And it is truly a battle to be free from whatever it is that's got you "bound" - cause you've got some serious things to slay. Whether it's not buying those shoes so you can slash that Visa bill. Not making that pan of brownies and saying no to that cake. Or battling your own self, those thoughts only you know, moving it all out the way - so you can be great.
So, who or what are you willing to fight for this peace of mind? What are you willing to put down to make room in your arms so you can pick up something better? What are you willing to pay to be free?
That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday! Be safe this weekend y'all!
And just because it's become a tradition... And since Mint Julep sent me this article on a breakdown of each Aquemini song - I love this even more now!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
The Mistress and I
So I have a friend who is a mistress and I still like her as a person. This is worth stating because as Courvoisier’s mom pointed out yesterday women folk are programmed to hate the other woman. But I guess we hate the other woman when it's our own situations. I don’t know why women give men folks a pass in these three way triangles. Maybe because we expect boys to be boys and men to have roaming eyes and feet. Which is sad, because I feel like men deserve to have us give them greater expectations. I think we here at the 5 spot have written many a post about men and their “sly” ways…and I think we’ve touched on the importance of sisters strengthen sisters even when they are in the most f***ed up predictament.
For example, this morning my mistress friend tells me that her "man" called his wife the other day (for what I don't know) and before he could get his salutation out she hung up on him. Now since we live in a world of caller id-this answering and hanging up was definitely a passive aggressive way to let her husband know that she was mad. Now amid plans to purchase a house with my friend he is suddenly thinking he shouldn’t since he’s not sure what head space the wifey is in these days. Will she slash his tires? Put out a hit? Put something special is his spaghetti? He's decided to cow-tow until his wife makes her move.
But so you can share in my joy let me set the table for you…
The man is almost twenty years older than my friend. Has two grown children. Hasn’t lived with is wife for two years-and this is the third time he has separated from his wife in their 28 year marriage-but has not filed for a legal separation.
My friend has a six year old daughter and has just gotten a legally binding divorce last month.
The two met at work about 4 years ago, and so began their affair. When they started out they were both married, yet 4 years later she has left her husband, gotten a divorce and he hasn’t so much as gotten a legal separation! This man and my friend seem to think that wifey spotted my girl in her husband’s car and this is why she’s upset, but they really aren't sure of the wife's ire because she refuses to answer the phone when her husband calls.
This is where I pour you a cool glass of lemonade and tell you that my friend is a natural blonde, and in this situation is totally living up to the stereotype. I had many questions upon hearing this latest story. Like, if he and his wife are separated and on the road to divorce why would she be mad at him if she saw him with another woman? Or why all of a sudden do his plans to buy a house with you have to come to a screeching halt because wifey saw you riding with her husband? Amaretto is of the opinion that this man left his wife under the guise of relocating for work and that there are no plans for divorcing. After 4 years together my friend has only met his friends from work-no family. And I've learned that after they find a house that meets their needs he always finds an excuse not to bid on it-be it a fear of mold or of the Mexicans living next door. It just doesn’t make sense from where I sit. If I were a magic 8 ball I would tell her that the outlook of her relationship is not positive.
The facts are that this man will have to give up half of his retirement if he divorces his wife. HALF! Half is a whole lotta money especially when you ain't got much. Yet my friend believes that when this man retires in two years he’s going to make an honest woman out of her. But for why? According to her they are having good times and great sex! What’s his incentive to give up HALF of his check each month to his wife and take on a life that includes raising a 6 year old?
With each insight into her relationship I just want her to shut up, stop and wake up. If she ever asked for my opinion I wonder if I could tell her that I honesty don't think he plans to marry her? Sometime I wonder if I should just tell her that even though she's never asked what I thought. But how do you go about telling someone you think the person they love is worthless? Especially after she talks about the house they just found. Or she says how excited she is about their sailing trip over the weekend? What should I say to this mistress who has given up everything and has become a friend who I know isn’t strong enough to handle the truth? For now I'll just remain silent and hopeful that I am wrong.
See You In Seven
For example, this morning my mistress friend tells me that her "man" called his wife the other day (for what I don't know) and before he could get his salutation out she hung up on him. Now since we live in a world of caller id-this answering and hanging up was definitely a passive aggressive way to let her husband know that she was mad. Now amid plans to purchase a house with my friend he is suddenly thinking he shouldn’t since he’s not sure what head space the wifey is in these days. Will she slash his tires? Put out a hit? Put something special is his spaghetti? He's decided to cow-tow until his wife makes her move.
But so you can share in my joy let me set the table for you…
The man is almost twenty years older than my friend. Has two grown children. Hasn’t lived with is wife for two years-and this is the third time he has separated from his wife in their 28 year marriage-but has not filed for a legal separation.
My friend has a six year old daughter and has just gotten a legally binding divorce last month.
The two met at work about 4 years ago, and so began their affair. When they started out they were both married, yet 4 years later she has left her husband, gotten a divorce and he hasn’t so much as gotten a legal separation! This man and my friend seem to think that wifey spotted my girl in her husband’s car and this is why she’s upset, but they really aren't sure of the wife's ire because she refuses to answer the phone when her husband calls.
This is where I pour you a cool glass of lemonade and tell you that my friend is a natural blonde, and in this situation is totally living up to the stereotype. I had many questions upon hearing this latest story. Like, if he and his wife are separated and on the road to divorce why would she be mad at him if she saw him with another woman? Or why all of a sudden do his plans to buy a house with you have to come to a screeching halt because wifey saw you riding with her husband? Amaretto is of the opinion that this man left his wife under the guise of relocating for work and that there are no plans for divorcing. After 4 years together my friend has only met his friends from work-no family. And I've learned that after they find a house that meets their needs he always finds an excuse not to bid on it-be it a fear of mold or of the Mexicans living next door. It just doesn’t make sense from where I sit. If I were a magic 8 ball I would tell her that the outlook of her relationship is not positive.
The facts are that this man will have to give up half of his retirement if he divorces his wife. HALF! Half is a whole lotta money especially when you ain't got much. Yet my friend believes that when this man retires in two years he’s going to make an honest woman out of her. But for why? According to her they are having good times and great sex! What’s his incentive to give up HALF of his check each month to his wife and take on a life that includes raising a 6 year old?
With each insight into her relationship I just want her to shut up, stop and wake up. If she ever asked for my opinion I wonder if I could tell her that I honesty don't think he plans to marry her? Sometime I wonder if I should just tell her that even though she's never asked what I thought. But how do you go about telling someone you think the person they love is worthless? Especially after she talks about the house they just found. Or she says how excited she is about their sailing trip over the weekend? What should I say to this mistress who has given up everything and has become a friend who I know isn’t strong enough to handle the truth? For now I'll just remain silent and hopeful that I am wrong.
See You In Seven
Monday, June 28, 2010
Random Ramblings
1. This week is a four day work week, next week will also be a four day work week. YAY!!!
7. I love Drake's speaking voice in interviews. Still can't believe he is with Young Money. He seems so much more sophisticated that than as a hip hop artist. (sigh) The album is HOT and I am most definitely "Thanking you later!"
Much luv until next week... peace :)
2. I painted my fingernails turquoise/aquamarine and I have to admit it is HOT!!!
3. Am I the only one that thinks that Alicia Keys is flaunting it in our faces she took that woman's husband. I admit, I wasn't too sure of the details at first and you still will never know what the truth is but regardless of the situation that you find yourself in, shouldn't you try to be a little empathetic of those involved... geez.
4. Which leads me to a conversation with my Aunt, who thinks wives should sue the mistresses. (DEEP SIGH) Talking about men are gullible and the women are in control of the situation. So my question to her was, "At what point do we start having higher expectations for men and stop defaulting to a prehistoric definition of what it is to be a man?" SERIOUSLY?!? The woman's role has changed, can we get with the program when we define a man. Your biggest beef should be with that cheating fool. If my expectation is for you to be monogamist with me, then I am holding you to that! POINT blank!
5.
6. This weekend, 4 people told me they are happy that I got a divorce. One of those people included my MOM! This statement trips me out because I don't feel as if what is going on right is new to who I am. I didn't discover something that I never knew about myself. It is more like a rebirth and renewal in purpose.
7. I love Drake's speaking voice in interviews. Still can't believe he is with Young Money. He seems so much more sophisticated that than as a hip hop artist. (sigh) The album is HOT and I am most definitely "Thanking you later!"
Much luv until next week... peace :)
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