Pride and Prejudice

So depending on how much you care about HBCUs and civil rights and/or liberties, by now you that Morehouse College, the only HBCU in America for Black men has instilled a dress code for class and other campus events. Apparently the dress code is more about what you can’t wear instead of what you must wear. And what you can’t wear are: hats indoors (not bad), sagging pants (okkk I'm liking this) purses and dresses. SCREECHHHHH!!!!!

No purses? No dresses? This can’t really be a mandate, you ask. Oh but it is. So the blogosphere has been all atwitter with several views on this issue. You can check ‘em here. And here. And do a google search and find many more. Now, while I’m all about people’s self expression. I’m also in agreement with this dress code because I’m hearing from recent graduates and current students that it has gotten bad. Real bad, Michael Jackson. Heh. And students, aka the consumer, expressed their discomfort to administration of men rolling up to 8am classes in skinny jeans and pumps.

But this post isn’t even really about the dress code. Or self expression. It’s about why do Black gay men gotta be so extra with theirs? I mean honey we know you are gay from 100 miles away, in your sleep – do you need to be rocking those stilettos? As soon as I heard about the dress code and what was not allowed – I got a visual of what must be happening and it looks a little something like this:

Only what I really envisioned was 10 times worse, but I got tired of trying to find the image I had in my mind of flamboyant gay men during spring break in Daytona Beach. But I can relate to the Morehouse students cause I see it all the time in DC. Youngins’ takin over the block in droves, struttin through Chinatown in pumps and weaves. And I wanna be like is that what being gay means to you? That's a problem. And so I know it’s way worse in the A, gay Black man capital of dare I say the world. Don’t believe me? Ladies, go to Lenox Mall on a Saturday and get your feelings hurt.

And I know we all go through our period of self definition and expression, but I wonder, why gay Black men gotta be doing the most? Compare and contrast Cyrus from the show King of the Crown on TLC.
And Derek J, who has made guest appearances on Housewives of Atlanta.

Ummm....

Now, I think it’s safe to say that we all could have guessed Cyrus is gay without him even opening his mouth. Or putting on a dress. And while I’m obviously not a homosexual, it seems that Black homosexuality is becoming a little one note – donning Gucci/Louis/Seven, wearing stilettos, and uttering catch phrases like, “fierce” and “you better work, bytch!”

It’s the man who sews my weave and then puts in some tracks of his own. It’s Dwight on Housewives with the arched eyebrows and the fussiness (although even he remarked he didn’t do the heels thing). It's Luther Vandross. Soft and effiminate. Non threatning. It’s “safe” because it’s in your face. And you know exactly what you're getting. And us black folk don’t like our gay men to be “regular”, blending into the crowd and such. While at Spelman, I recall a Morehouse student saying, “I don’t wanna know the guy I play basketball is gay.” Ahhhh yess.

And yet it’s not “safe” because as my mama would say, “everyone’s not ready for that" in your face, deal with who I am attitude. And so "rules" of conformity are set & enforced and people feel like they can't be themselves. But more importantly it's not "safe" cause it's a caricature. I echo someone who commented to the root article and ask - where are this generation's James Baldwins? Bayard Rustins? Countee Cullens? Am I the only one who thinks their voices should be a little louder? That they should set the tone. But maybe I need to be more hip to the homosexual happenings, cause I mean I'm sure they exist. But that ain't what I see on a daily basis. What I see is this:

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Just for Kicks!

desperately seeking husband

one of my first posts on this here blog was about women and marriage. and the agnst that women feel when they get close to 30 and aren't married.  and the idealist view they have that marriage will solve all their problems.

Marriage....ahhhh

Marriage....when life begins (don’t steal my slogan people). When all her dreams come true. Here’s how some women think even though you will never ever (eva… eva… eva…eva) get a strong black woman to admit this: If I can just get married I’ll be ok. I’ll be complete. I’ll be able to buy my dream house (two wage earner household baby!) I can stop working and stay at home or at least change to the job that I really want. He’ll give me my beautiful brown babies, “boy for you and a girl for me.” My life will get better, I’ll be happier. The flowers will smell fresher, my butt will grow bigger and we’ll finally catch osama bin laden.

Uhhhhhh…..no. not gon happen (c) new new. Cause what if you never get claimed? Or worse still, what if you do get claimed errr...... married, and it doesn’t make you happier or sexier and your life isn’t richer or fuller? What then?

i wrote that shiz almost 2 years ago and it still rings true. probably now a little truer. harder. louder. stronger. seems like every other day i'm having a conversation with someone about wanting to be married and desiring to have a husband.  praying for God to send a man.  longing for what some other woman has...a man that wants to caved to the ultimatum has agreed to marry her.

but to all my single ladies out there be careful what you wish for.  you just might get it and a whole host of other problems. 

take suzy, a woman at my job.  she moved down to my city after her boyfriend, bobby, had been living here for a year.  she made him promise that if she moved down, there would be babies and marriage on the horizon since the two had been dating for about 2 years prior to the move.  after bout a year in new city, neither one of these things had materialized.

after some pestering she got an engagement ring. on the slick tho.  nobody really knew they were engaged.  there was no announcement or party.  and the ring was this pitiful looking gemstone.  not that i'm a diamond whore or anything but don't just throw any old ring at a sista like "you betta be happy you got this here."

so then the "engagement" lagged on for another six months.  then one day suzy started rubbing her belly like she had a bun in the oven.  and over the next few weeks the #1 topic of office gossip was whether suzy was preggers and if bobby was now gonna make her an honest woman.  then all of a sudden a wedding date was announced and suzy started looking happier.

meanwhile bobby is telling anyone that will listen that this baby was not expected and will probably be referred to as "hey you." last saturday night, bobby was throwing back booze at a work party while suzy sat at home alone.  and bobby was talkin much shit about suzy.  clearly bobby doesn't want to be married but suzy wants it with all her heart.  and she's gonna get it.  but what kind of marriage will it be?  and is being married for the sake of being able to say you not single really worth the lonely saturday nights, the disrespect and the heartache?

i think that single women ought to stop focusing on the ring, the dress, the flowers, the chapel, the status, the "married" box on applications, age, mamanem, being the last one, a house full of cats, dying alone, and all those other foolish images that spring into their heads when they get all worked up about not being married.

think about what marriage means.  what committment means.  what love means.  and whether you've got a clear picture of what you're wishing so hard for.

think about the hard work marriage involves.  the compromises that will have to be made.  the selfless acts that you will have to undertake. and get your head wrapped around whether you're ready for alladat.

and in the meantime, in between time, DO YOU!  not in that cliche sorta way. but for real for real.  make a concious effort to live your best life NOW! go on that trip NOW! buy that house NOW! make that career move NOW! take that leap NOW!

don't wait for a husband.

that's just my interpretation of the sitchyashun.  what say ya'll?

history's utility?

Since Amaretto, coerced us to take it back oh and please click on her link-i must say Bellini provided some sage advice back then... I found myself venturing back to my collegiate days. Sophmore year- I think. Sitting in my political sci class, biding my time, until the Professor threw this into the universe...

If we follow the trends of global hegemony, will the US still be the premiere power in your golden years?

scrreeecchh...stop the presses! whoa sally!...
come again

Now the diehard history maven in me found this utterly intriguing. For the sake of history, my professor was on to something. The realist in me had to concede to the logic of the argument. However, the American in me had to give her the side eye whatchya talkin' about Willis

And then to add insult to injury, I just read this. And one must reckon the status quo must cease to exist. But says who? And under whose timetable? A snapshot of friends my age will reveal, since embarking on our professional careers, none of us have remained with the same employer for 5 years. Fcku social security and a pension, it's up to 401K or 403B, savings, IRAs, insurance policies, and we can't forget about bonds either to the chagrin of Ms. Philly. And somebody pray for the millenials -- they're expected to live as centennials.

And everyone says China is coming for our asses. The Chinese have made inroads in Africa, South America... should we be scared? naw we're trading partners right? I put 20 on the Russians first - imo. And yet Frederick Douglass hit the bullseye when he uttered the words "power concedes nothing without demand" i think that's the phrase verbatim. But we should be alright 'cuz Economics 201 suggests trade is a deterrent to war. i sure hope so

Was my college professor on to something or was she just pushing for some intellectual vigor. It makes you wonder?...

I know one thing for sure should we make it through this economic meltdown intact - you can't tell me nothing! cue Kanyeeze


cheers,

Bellini

P.S. please make sure ya pray for him!

Looking Back

It's been one of those days at the office where you just want to throw up the deuces and walk out! I think me taking a "slick"day yesterday has not helped my workload! But alas alack you can't just tell everyone to kiss your grits and walk out when you are a grown up girl in the grown up world of working. I got bills to pay and other responsibilities...so let me put on a happy face, tap dance and just deal with these folks....

But before I do, let me procrastinate for a minute (or an hour)...

One of the things I enjoy about blogging and other forms of chronicling life is the ability to look back. I recently stumbled across some diary entries from 2001 and wondered what the heck was a thinking?! And even though I knew it was me who penned those entries it didn't sound like me at all! There was as stark contrast between me just entering my twenties from me today, and thank God for that! I was a fool! And there is something to be said about time, growth and development, and what should be said is that its freaking awesome if people fall back and just let it naturally progress! And there is something to be said about having the ability to look back over your life and see just have far you have come, so that the journey-with all it's bumps can be appreciated.

So hopefully you are seeing this a a clever way for me to not write a brand spanking fresh and new post this week and offer this throwback post! http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2008/01/audacity-to-hope.html

Oh when I was excited and thankful for my job. Ha ha ha! Those where the days. It helps to see Amaretto from back then, though the excitement about my job has long since waned, I am still truly thankful to be in the land of both the living and the working!


See You In Seven

When Your Home is no Longer Your Home

People always ask me "How come you are not living home (The Bahamas)?"

And my response as always been, "Home isn't going anywhere..."

But on this recent visit, I realized Home really isn't going anywhere and after 10 years of not living on this tropical island the things I miss are no longer the same. I still remember the first time I went home, I missed NOTHING about being stateside. Now, I find myself occasionally missing some of the everyday things that I enjoy. So here I am 10 years later, not sure that home still feels like home anymore.

Mind you I am having a GREAT time, playing catch-up with all my peeps... but it just doesn't feel like home. Even my friends are treating my visit like a visit... nothing worst than when they say "This ________ from Philly" What?

So where is home? Hmm... I really don't know.
Is it time to start calling Philly home? Don't think that this going to work. (chuckle)

I guess my home is really where my art and heart is.

Much luv until next week... peace and a little bit of warmth from the islands:)

P.S. This track is sick!!! Bubble-bubble-bubbler!

Champion Bubbler - Vybz Kartel Feat Lisa Hype