My Audacity to Hope

I know it’s January but Dizzzzzzaum it’s cold! Layering is the word of the season when the high temperatures are less than freezing and hot coffee purchased from the shop is lukewarm by the time it’s sipped at your desk. I was seriously contemplating using sick leave today just so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the frigid temperatures. Ahhhh, just to stay warm under the covers of my bed, safe and secure from all alarms! Because you know sometimes you just don’t want to deal with stuff...cold things in particular, like the weather, people or even the chilling business of office politics. Ah yes, no matter how much we just try to be gosh darn individuals and just do our job we all become candidates subjected to approval ratings determined by our coworkers…

In 2005 I got me a good government job. Woo hoo! The benefits! The stability! The good times that I was sure to have! Ha! I was surprised to see how many non black folks held higher level positions. So when I noticed that that the mailroom crew, the folks in our plants, facilities and the administrative support staff were mostly held by folks that looked like me, I realized that Masta and his plantation hadn’t disappeared just because folks had marched to get in the doors. And so through a series of events that I’m sure I’ll write about later on in life, I was part of the admin staff, promised that it was a position were I could blossom and grow, a position where I could keep on stepping up the rings of the ladder so that one day I could be all that I could be…

But then I started talking to some of my Sistagirls in the same position. You know how we like to talk whilst we work, just to learn what exactly we have gotten ourselves into. Wow. If ever there were a bitter and sometimes brazen cast of characters in this bunch. These women were quick to tell me of all the glass ceilings that they had hit in their careers. All the managers who had promised them opportunities to grow, just as soon as they finished typing that business letter or made copies for the conference. No one really had a hopeful story to tell except in the one or two who were able to ascend after 10 or 15 years of trying! They basically were telling me I had been a victim of a classic bait and switch.

So I started thinking about what I wanted for me, but I’ll tell you you’d be surprised, but other folks have plans for you too. One manager pulled me in her office and outlined her plan for my life that included five more years of admin support and then maybe a higher level job in her group, because she could recognize my potential. So if I have potential and you see that now, why do I have to wait? (Yes, Bracky O- I understand brother). Ya’ll know I thanked her graciously for having a plan for me and tapped danced right on out of her office. And then I decided to run! I was getting off this plantation; but before I quit I was going to first try to break through the glass.

There were so many tear filled phone calls to my mama who’s down south. Every story about the craziness on my job was met with a warm platitude of hope, or a statement that my situation could be different from the others…”You never know, baby” she said. Arrrgh! I wasn’t trying to hear that mess! I wanted her to get hyped and pissed that her one and only baby was being treated as a second class employee. I wanted her to agree that system was built to keep me down because that’s what happened to the Sistagirls...so surely that’s what was gonna happen to me if I let it! Mommas are wise ya’ll. And eventually my mother stopped saying anything, other than “Okay, Amaretto”.


Well after months of applying for new jobs, interviewing, being told “No, but don’t take it personally.” After months of wondering if I was crazy for thinking I could do more with my life then what I was currently doing. After months of acting how I must and leaving my Sistagirl attitude at home. After months of just being depressed because it seemed like I wasn’t going anywhere and everything on the outside conflicted with what I knew on the inside. After months campaigning and trying to show others that I had what it takes, even though I felt they should have already known about me. After months of getting everyone on the prayer line…I got word that I had been promoted, 7 levels higher thousands of dollars more in my salary! I’m still shocked that I have been able to breakthrough that glass ceiling and to do it in 3 years!

So today is my first day in my new position. Sad that I was going to call out sick right?! I know. It is just amazing to me ya’ll that despite the odds and what usually happens to employees like me, my story gets to have a different ending. My momma was right. That despite what people say or think there is always the possibility. That small chance. That hope in spite of…







Even in my own life I’ve seen the power of a maybe.




See You in Seven