Rum's Randoms

I've been deep in thought and I have no idea what to write about today. I have pieces of posts in my mind, but nothing concrete - and since I have things to do today (C) Katt Williams - I'm gonna just ramble. Try to follow along.

1. Everybody Hates Chris is a funny, funny show. I'm sad it was cancelled. Not that I ever knew what day or time it came on when it was actually on, but you know, I'm sad about the principle of it gettting cancelled. That it's one less Black show on the air.

2. I need someone to get me Season 2 of The Game on DVD. Lol.

3. I soo wish there was a Black version of 'How I Met Your Mother.' The show is soo hilarious! And they touch on so many themes, while accurately portraying the joys/pains/angst of going from late 20s to 30 (and on), of growing up and finding a way in life. The writing is great, the story lines are funny (and poignant at times), their continuity is awesome. I wish that Black people were given the chance to be creative, witty, and just be able to riff on the absurdity of everyday life. From banishing potential mates because they haven't seen certain movies (theirs was the Star Wars MJ and I agree in the Black version it would be the Five Heartbeats - ha!), or making a Murtaugh List of things you're too old to do once you hit 30, or just the differences between single people and those in a relationship. Ahhh it all blends perfectly. But no, we are blessed to have House of Payne and Meet the Browns with recycled storylines and plots that don't make sense - how is that baby was born last week and now she 10 years old?!?! Is what i say whenever my mother has it on. And then I walk out the room.

4. But then again I think that historically Black folks have not been encouraged to be creative. I remember one summer I worked with this program for "inner city" kids from DC and I taught English. I would give the kids a word for inspiration and then they had 5 minutes to write about anything they wanted. Half the five minutes were filled with, "Ms. Rum Punch what should we write about?" "Whatever comes to mind." "But what?" And this is why I think all this teach to the test will cripple our children. But that's a conversation for another day.

5. The other day I had Ocho Cinco's dating show, 'The Ultimate Catch' in the background and my father noted that today's TV sucks. Which is oh so true. But then he said, "it's so ego driven." Which is totally on point. I wonder if our children will even know what a sitcom is, or a drama. Soap operas will definitely be non existent. Will everyone just be walking around with a video camera, chronicling their lives? Although let the record show, if I had a video camera, I would be a total fool on the YouTube. Heh.

6. I just saw this commercial (it was on BET - cause I was watching 'The Game' don't ya know) and it was for federal student aid- and the Black guy who was supposed to be a "student" and in "college" was saying how he didn't have a father in his life. But his mother was STRONG and pushed him and helped him get through school. And his aunts believed in him. And told him he was goin' to college. And he didn't know nothin' bout this student loan stuff, but there were forms at his church! Basically it seemed like one stereotype after another - like the marketing/PR people got in a room and were like how can we reach the coloreds? We got it! A commercial talking about growing up without male figures, strong Black women and going to church. I mean they may as well thrown in that once the family was gathered around Big Mama's Sunday dinner table eathing fried chicken, greens, mac & cheese, she held up her hand and said, "now this family got to be that fist and help this boy get some student loans!!"

7. But then at the same time - mayhap this is truly more of a reality than I care to admit and this commercial resonated with the majority. And I am in the minority.

8. Sometimes when I watch Last Comic Standing I want to go try and be a stand up comedian. Not forever, but you know do one open mic. See if people would laugh or boo me off the stage. Or worse that nervous, polite laughter, that's like, 'who told her she was funny?' LOL!

9. I took a pretty awesome online writing workshop throughout the month of July that gave me an added dose of confidence in my skills and abilities. Ugh. Creating works of art for public consumption can be quite the daunting task. Well I mean when you want your work to be good. Anyone can create crap.

10. Have you ever felt no so fresh? Not down there! But in your life? Like you're not feeling bad, but not feeling great? You're good. You're ok. You're fine. But you want...something.

What you got random?

That's my time y'all!Happy Rum Punch Friday!

truth with a side of hate

one thing about friendships that has always made me sad is the inability for women to speak truth to other women about what's going on in their lives.  sometimes you can tell your best girlfriend that she can't squeeze into that sundress that she loved so much cause she's picked up a few pounds.  sometimes you can honestly say, "girl you can not leave your stable job as a receptionist to audition for idol.  your voice sucks."  but you can rarely speak truth to your woman friend about her dealings with men.  because most times it is seen as
A) hateration or
B) hateration.
sad + true
now why is that? why are relationships often off limits to outside opinions in ways that other areas of our lives are not? i've got 2 theories about this.  follow me as i open the mind of mint julep...

theory 1:

bitches be hatin! all the time. 24-7.  when you think they aren't.  they are.  and when they aren't........they still are.
when they just want the best for you.  when they know you better than you know yourself.  when they suddenly become clairvoyant and know 5 days or 3 months or 2 years from now that his ass will cheat (with her). 
they be hatin!
and so whatever "truth" you think they're speaking to you, or whatever "truth" you think you're  imparting to your best homegirl might just be HATE with a layer of sweet cream cheese frosting on top. 
for example: a friend of a friend just got engaged.  and before the dude proposed, he came and talked to my friend about what he should do and how he should do it.  and the woman also talked to my friend about the possibility of dude proposing and whether the two of them should get married.  my friend told me some of the things she said to her friend and to dude.  there's not enough white space in this post to get into all the ins and outs of both of those conversations but i had a few O_o moments as some of the things my friend said she told them. 
i wondered to myself (and asked my friend): how does her perspective color her responses?  does the fact that she's single with no man (and no engagement prospects) influence the truth she speaks to her friend about whether she should be marrying this guy? 
sometimes we as women have to hold inside whatever "truth" we want to speak to our friends.  we have to step back.  take that truth home.  unpack it on the kitchen table.  grab a knife and cut it open.  dissect out all the hate.  all the envy.  all the jealousy.  all the hurt.  all the why not me's.  then selah on what we wanna say.  package it back up. and then go back to our friend.  and speak that truth. 

theory 2:

women don't wanna HEAR the truth from other women.  women invented the side eye.  we are perpetually skeptical.  we always on some, "what's her motivation?"  or "she want my man" type ish.  so any time another female comes at us with some friendly advice, we get our backs up.  we dismiss any comments, thoughts, reflections and opinions as hating.  even if they are actually grounded in fact and reality.
now one should always question the motives of the messanger but i do think women sometimes are too quick to shut down any rational practical thoughts about their love situation just because we don't like what a friend is telling us.  we don't wanna hear the truth.
for example: if a dear friend comes to you and says i seent your man last night out with another woman making out in the back booth, you can't say she just hating.
but how many of ya'll readers would even tell a dear friend that you saw something like that?  you'd have to run it by some of your other girlfriends to see if they thought you should say something.  and you'd still hesitate.  because you wouldn't wanna be branded a hater by your friend.  cause your friend can't handle the truth.

and that's what makes me sad.  that we as women can't tell a friend what we think about their love lives.  when that's what friends should be able to do.

or not....

what say ya'll?

a ways to go...

so this is what I was gonna say last week

Hey folks, my apologies for being away for so long.

But I have a confession to make – within the next 72 hours I will become a member of the NAACP. Yup, that’s the right acronym. well that has yet to happen

And no - it's not the fact that the NAACP is raising the ire of the Tea Party movement that's compelling me to make the move. Rather, it was being informed that Mr. Ben Jealous was to meet with BP company to discuss the plights of black fishermen. Because to see Roland Martin visiting the bayou Washington Watch and get in the trenches with our folk and to hear it from the source’s mouth was touching.

And then last week, to hear George Will, Clarence Page, Dee Dee Myers et al. having their tête-à-tête inter alia including the NAACP and Tea Party movement let me know NAACP under the auspices of Jealous is doing something right. so i thought - can he rally to the cry of black farmers - what about the farm bill?

Plus if you factor this article I read yesterday ‘California Blacks Split over Marijuana Measure’, and to know the NAACP is on the “right” side of the argument. Ok, NAACP you’re rolling Bellini style. So, it’s time for me to get my membership on and be about it. Bellini is still half-steppin'

Since it’s a must we parlay about substantive s*** once in a while, let’s parse the arguments for marijuana, weed, hydro, etc vis-à-vis Proposition 19. Californians must decide whether to allow anyone 21 and over to possess up to an ounce of marijuana, thereby levy a tax and regulate marijuana.

Now the most salient argument to me is Proposition 19 would address the inequity of criminality of drug possession within the black community. It’s plenty of black folks doing hard time ‘cuz they smoked a joint.

But I must say, some of the black pastors (tend to be anti-Proposition 19) have a legitimate argument about their reservations of legalizing a gateway drug. Most addicts interfaced with drugs through their use of marijuana initially.

Alice Huffman, NAACP California President, has it right, “I’m not encouraging anyone to recreationally use marijuana… I am simply focused on the injustice and the disparities in the criminal justice system.”

And speaking of NAACP - they are/were on a roll. And since Bellini must be about it versus speaking about it, I’m going to secure my membership in the next 72 hours. i'll just bide my time a lil' while longer ... tick..tock

cheers,

Bellini

Know When To Hold 'Em

You say that your favorite restaurant cost $30 dollars a plate. The financially stable, 10 years your senior, “great” older guy your mutual friend set you up with says his favorite restaurant is IHOP. Despite this, you agree to go out on a date with this man. The time and date have been set. But he doesn’t show, nor call. Later he explains that he was detained at church because he’s teaching the youth at vacation Bible school. You accept this apology because who doesn’t want a religious man who cares for the kids?! And so you plan to make a date for later that week for 5pm. At 2 pm on date day you haven’t heard from him to confirm your plans. 7 days later you still haven’t heard from him, but you are still contemplating contacting him, because he did casually mention once that he likes to go on road trips to Kentucky. So maybe…

Put the phone down I shout from the rooftops!

Sadly this is dating tale of a middle aged single mother who divorced her husband several years ago. Now if you are thinking she’s stupid, crazy or at least clueless I would have to agree. All these adjectives aptly describe this family friend who has been looking for love in all the wrong places. Determined to be in a relationship or die trying to get into one and make it work, she’s had her fair share of heartache and headache. But darn women and our Mrs. Fix-It, I can do it, see me roaring, I can turn ashy into classy selves! Because to me, there is nothing in this scenario to hold on to. You’ve been stood up twice, he likes to eat microwaved pancakes and hardly cooked potato hash browns… but because your friend said he was “great” you want to *67 your phone number, call, and see if he answers? Put the phone down!

I know scientists are busy growing people in Petri dishes and finding cures for cancer and such, but could they please do just a study on the emotional plight of the single woman? Starting with our online dating profiles that say we are well read, love to travel and have the cutest hairless cat named “Fluffy”.

Because somewhere there is a reason why we do the voodoo that we do do, or at least why we’ve all gone slightly insane at the altar of men. Why we can accept a man’s excuse for not following through for the umpteenth time, but can cuss our kids because they ask for candy? I think scientists have concluded that’s it just easier to zap a cancer cell than to understand the inner mental workings of one woman, forget trying to figure out more than that!

But this middle aged woman has many dating stories similar to this. Two different men she met online texted to state they couldn’t answer the phone when she called because they lost their voice. Another one, who was recently widowed said that he couldn’t make a date because his in-laws need him to do things at their house. And yet another man from New York said that he didn’t like that she wore weave. I mean really guy from New York? You can’t tell me you haven’t been with a woman who wore false hair before!

But instead of shaking them off and moving on, she keeps holding on and hoping. And just like Old Yeller, I wish someone would shoot her out back in the shed, not because I don’t want her to live, but she’s has gone mad in this endless loop of wondering why he isn’t calling her anymore. And she’s become a danger to herself. Maybe my greater wish is that these men would ball up and tell her straight, with no chaser that they simply aren’t interested. A guy did that to me once, and it hurt like heck-but it was worth every tear. I’ve changed my mind. Scientists should do a study on men and confrontation with their women folk-they seem to avoid it, often-and I’d like to know what’s up with that! I think family friend lady should have known at IHOP that he just wasn’t the “great” man for her. How much easier it would have been to just let it go and walk away.

See You In Seven

Better than the last...

A question often asked by others to single folk "What is your type?"

This is a question I could never answer and nor would you get an answer looking back over all the men I have dated and found attractive. In fact, I am still looking for that common thread myself.

So why is that I ask this question of other single folks, knowing that I can't even answer the question myself? (chuckle)

Anyway just because you know you can't answer the question, doesn't stop you from asking. So I do... (chuckle) I want to know... who doesn't? (chuckle) Especially from potentials.

Now, I never make it a point to find out who the ex's were but after talking to someone for a while you are bound to meet or hear about them. And when you do, it is always interesting to see if you and any of these past encounters have anything in common. When it came to my exhusband, there was definitely some shared physical traits. But what happens when you can't seem to find any obvious common traits?

Hmm... could the common trait be rooted in personality? Who knows? (chuckle)

I discussed this point with a friend and he shares that he is physically attracted many different types but it is the way that the women made him feel that sealed the deal.

Well excuse me. (chuckle)

Much luv until next week... peace :)