one thing about friendships that has always made me sad is the inability for women to speak truth to other women about what's going on in their lives. sometimes you can tell your best girlfriend that she can't squeeze into that sundress that she loved so much cause she's picked up a few pounds. sometimes you can honestly say, "girl you can not leave your stable job as a receptionist to audition for idol. your voice sucks." but you can rarely speak truth to your woman friend about her dealings with men. because most times it is seen as
A) hateration or
sad + true
now why is that? why are relationships often off limits to outside opinions in ways that other areas of our lives are not? i've got 2 theories about this. follow me as i open the mind of mint julep...
bitches be hatin! all the time. 24-7. when you think they aren't. they are. and when they aren't........they still are.
when they just want the best for you. when they know you better than you know yourself. when they suddenly become clairvoyant and know 5 days or 3 months or 2 years from now that his ass will cheat (with her).
they be hatin!
and so whatever "truth" you think they're speaking to you, or whatever "truth" you think you're imparting to your best homegirl might just be HATE with a layer of sweet cream cheese frosting on top.
for example: a friend of a friend just got engaged. and before the dude proposed, he came and talked to my friend about what he should do and how he should do it. and the woman also talked to my friend about the possibility of dude proposing and whether the two of them should get married. my friend told me some of the things she said to her friend and to dude. there's not enough white space in this post to get into all the ins and outs of both of those conversations but i had a few O_o moments as some of the things my friend said she told them.
i wondered to myself (and asked my friend): how does her perspective color her responses? does the fact that she's single with no man (and no engagement prospects) influence the truth she speaks to her friend about whether she should be marrying this guy?
sometimes we as women have to hold inside whatever "truth" we want to speak to our friends. we have to step back. take that truth home. unpack it on the kitchen table. grab a knife and cut it open. dissect out all the hate. all the envy. all the jealousy. all the hurt. all the why not me's. then selah on what we wanna say. package it back up. and then go back to our friend. and speak that truth.
women don't wanna HEAR the truth from other women. women invented the side eye. we are perpetually skeptical. we always on some, "what's her motivation?" or "she want my man" type ish. so any time another female comes at us with some friendly advice, we get our backs up. we dismiss any comments, thoughts, reflections and opinions as hating. even if they are actually grounded in fact and reality.
now one should always question the motives of the messanger but i do think women sometimes are too quick to shut down any rational practical thoughts about their love situation just because we don't like what a friend is telling us. we don't wanna hear the truth.
for example: if a dear friend comes to you and says i seent your man last night out with another woman making out in the back booth, you can't say she just hating.
but how many of ya'll readers would even tell a dear friend that you saw something like that? you'd have to run it by some of your other girlfriends to see if they thought you should say something. and you'd still hesitate. because you wouldn't wanna be branded a hater by your friend. cause your friend can't handle the truth.
and that's what makes me sad. that we as women can't tell a friend what we think about their love lives. when that's what friends should be able to do.
what say ya'll?
SO LONG, FAREWELL...
The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot