A Return to Normalcy*

So, every year, I go up to the mountains on this woman’s prayer retreat. And you can write your prayer requests down and the might women of God pray over them. So I write down a lot of things, and being the single Black woman that I am, I be like, “God if it’s your will, I pray for a husband.”

And then since people be like you gotta be specific with God, don’t just write down a husband, then you don’t what you’ll get. So, I be getting specific. I don’t go into physical description or have mandates, like he must be taller than me. And that kinda stuff. Now when I first started going, my list was lonnnnnnnng. Characteristics like God fearing, patient, trusthworthy, hard worker, and so on. Real specific like. And then as I kept dating and met guys who seemed great until it was like boom pow surprise – I made it short and sweet last year – something like God if it’s your will, and you send me a husband, let him: Love You, love himself, love me and any kids we have. Amen.

But um, I see now I’ma have to make an addition to this year’s request and ask God for something that seems so simple, but is actually oh so elusive - ask for someone normal. Plain and simply normal. Other definitions according to www.thesaurus.com: Ordinary. Regular. Typical. Sane. Rational. Reasonable. Right-minded. Sound. Well-adjusted. Normal.

Cause clearly right now crazy keeps asking me out and taking me to dinner. And it’s not the same crazy. Oh no, it’s different kinds of crazy. And it’s not on the surface crazy. It’s the just when I think, “hey we are having good convo. This guy seems aiight. I might could…” kinda crazy that jumps off the plate in mid-conversation.

Is it too much to ask for someone to not invite me out somewhere and then not abandon me and not pick up his phone when I arrive at the location? For me to not be on my second outing with a guy and have him ask me, “would you ever go to a sex club?” Head cocked to the side, like “errrr… weren’t we just talking about how crazy this weather has been? Segue much?” And then have him tell me all about his prior sex club experiences. Yes, that’s plural on purpose. For a guy who was fake digging me, I say fake cause he only called me on occasion, to not say to me, “every time we speak, you’re always so animated. I like that and I hope you’re animated like that all the time. If you know what I mean.” Duuuuude. Really? Click.

Sigh. Just normal. He ain’t gotta be no gangsta. He ain’t gotta be no balla. © Teedra Moses He doesn’t have to have climbed Mount Kilimanjaro of the corporate ladder. Or have acquired this and that. Or have this thing called life all figured out. Or be complacent and have no motivation to have a better job, or a better community, or a better world. Can he just have some damn sense? And some manners? And like thesaurus said and the old folk say, be in his right mind? And be normal?

I mean I know we all have our own quirks and idiosyncrasies. And I’m not saying I’m perfect. Or I’m the ish. But I would like to think that I live a normal life. I go to work, go to church, out into the world on occasion, see plays and shows, go to work some more, write, travel on occasion. Not boring or unfulfilling per se. But it’s pretty basic. Do I have hopes and dreams and desires? Sure. But I’m not going to watch people have sex with donkeys and then inviting unsuspecting people along. I treat people with respect. I am conscious of things like personal space and life boundaries until you’re at a mutual comfortable space with that person. I try very hard to be a woman of my word.

Mint Julep and I have joked about this lots – but seriously like the next dude who has consistent follow through, ain’t talking that jibber jabber, and is living a life that I deem normal – cause everyone’s normal is different. Maaaaaannnn! It’s gonna be on and poppin. Like for real. With age, comes wisdom, the wisdom to recognize that normal, safe, and “boring” is where it’s at when one is interested having a companion and a family.

And so I hope the Lord reads this here blog cause I can’t take much more of this. It’s enough to make you wanna bury your head in the sand and be like I don’t want no mo’. I’ll just live off the memories. Thanks for the good times. But that's probably not the best approach. Lol. So I will take my head out the sand and continue to get my socializing on, but to quote ol' school, just a lil' cocky, not totally off his rocker, Kanyeze, "Man, man, man, if another crazy nig approach me again, I will be assaulting him..."

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

* Word up Warren G. Harding

manufactured disdain

so i've been thinkin' about many things lately... jilly from philly started it ... now i love me some jilly from philly - her prose, candor, etc. so, i won't fault or raise issue with jilly's sentiments. but sometimes i wonder what events have stoked the fear, resentment, etc. of black folks? slavery? jim crow?

Ladies and gentlemen, i'm afraid to say i don't think slavery is enough or can be an apt answer for Generation X (you and i). Slavery can provide context, but you then have to articulate the subsequent events that have exacerbated those conditions and PERSONIFY that to your situation. And this is where black folks fail miserably!
some of us are utlizing slavery as a catchphrase for everything: academic failure, underemployment, unemployment, marriage woes, etc...

back to jilly from philly...

take a jaunt with me back down memory lane... i remember in my youth (let's say 11 or 12) feelin' a certain way about Goldilocks being extra affectionate to my brother. My brother must have been 8 or 9, in the math/science magnet, and was 1 of 5black kids, 1 of 2 brothers, out of sea of 100 students total. Goldilocks would just dote on my brother in the hallway, wanted to be his partner in class, and i would give her the side eye in passin' of course. you know Bellini always keeps it pleasant. but really - my feelings were manufactured. i felt a certain kind of way 'cuz i come from the jungle fever era, Rodney King showdown of events, etc. but lookin' back wasn't nothing wrong with that girl - she just happened to be white.

but i reckon, episodes like that happens to our brothas all the time. the smart, educated, good jobs brothas - women are doting on them and not just sistas. and when you exploit the factors of being raised in a predominantly white neighborhood, predominatly white school, and thus white friends - what do you expect? There's a greak likelihood that a brotha would have dated women that are represented by countries in the UN.

but here's something more interesting... that i wish jilly from philly would have discussed... most brothas i know are equal opportunist in dating etc. they love sistas, goldilocks, etc... no discrimination. so you can have a brother and sister in the same household - brother will definitely marry somebody don't care what hue she may be and his sister ain't dating or has no prospects for love. yet both siblings grew up in the same household. what are the dynamics being present - that one child feels comfortable entertaining options and the other just feels limited. and given that both children have the same Mother, what is being spoken/unspoken that allows our brothas to freely and fully engage in their options and yet sistas feel their forbidden to employ the same liberation?

and that is Bellini's question of the day.

cheers,

Bellini

Question of the Day...

When someone gives you a gift do they still have right to ask or judge how you use it?

The back story: This weekend my kinfolks were in town to celebrate my cousin’s debut entrance into society via a cotillion. Mom came bearing gifts for me, some where requested, some where things only a mom would pick out for their child and of course my personal favorite…a monetary gift! So cut to Sunday the family has gone to a brunch buffet and my uncle has paid for us all to gorge ourselves on crab legs, waffles, shrimp, omelets, etc. At the end of our feast it’s tipping time, everyone is throwing is money on the table, I throw in a $10 bill… End scene.

So I am talking with Mom yesterday about the weekend and other things and during a lull in the conversation my mom says “It really disappointed me that you threw in a $10 bill for a tip yesterday.” Saaaaaaaay what? Are you seriously coming at me like that? I mean I didn’t know which way to go in response to her statement because, despite us both being grown women living in separate houses...she is my mom. I couldn’t give her the snarky response I would have lobed at a peer...like "Well if you are going to be all up in my business then you should have known that I didn’t leave a $10 because I got change from the money in the center." *Sucks Teeth*

But even if I had lost my mind and felt like leaving a $10 tip for a buffet in these lean economic times what business is it of hers? Is it because I tipped using some of the money that she had given me? Was she entitled to form an oversight committee to watch how I used it? Do gift givers have the right, especially when the recipient didn't solicit the gift, to expect it to be used in a specific way?

The whole exchange got me to thinking about a homeless person holds a sign that states that they’ll work for food, should I be mad if they choose to use the money I bestowed to them on liquor? When a church has a food pantry, can the lady with no money and four hungry children really state that she and her kids don’t like eating generic foods? That they eat Honey Nut Cheerios not A&P’s Sweetened Oats? My first instint is to state "how dare they?!" But just because a person is in need, does that mean that they have to accept everything people want to give them? Does that mean they have to do everything their benefactors tell them to do?

What are reasonable expectations when giving and receiving gifts? Does the giver have the right to comment on how the gift is being used? Did I have the right to be offended by my mom’s disappointment?

Please care and share your two cents…


See You In Seven

Is there no shame?

Could someone explain to me why there is no shame anymore in being a hoe?

I just don't understand.

Hoes are making websites, writing books, putting on blast how many guys they slept with, how small dudes' members are, etc and somehow they are managing to make money doing this mess!

The latest is Kat Stacks (google it, I refuse to link it).

What happened to the days when you were a whore but you kept that mess to yourself. Now we have chicks who don't even speak properly talking about all the book deals they have. Is she serious? I don't even know half the rappers she is talking about sleeping with and who cares? Hasn't the tell all book already been done. And how do you say you feel sad for the original 'video vixen'? This has to be a joke.

Everyone laughing?

She posts a video on her blogs saying that this payback for them treating her badly, which leaves me SOOO confused. You can't be serious?!?! Payback, chick you look like an fool. This isn't pay back? If anything this keeps them in the limelight. It only works when you a get with a SUPER celeb like Jordan or Tiger. And even then, it doesn't really mean anything? (sigh)

She is a mother.

I digress.

_______________________

Welcome back E!

Much luv until next week... peace :)