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-The Five Spot

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

manufactured disdain

so i've been thinkin' about many things lately... jilly from philly started it ... now i love me some jilly from philly - her prose, candor, etc. so, i won't fault or raise issue with jilly's sentiments. but sometimes i wonder what events have stoked the fear, resentment, etc. of black folks? slavery? jim crow?

Ladies and gentlemen, i'm afraid to say i don't think slavery is enough or can be an apt answer for Generation X (you and i). Slavery can provide context, but you then have to articulate the subsequent events that have exacerbated those conditions and PERSONIFY that to your situation. And this is where black folks fail miserably!
some of us are utlizing slavery as a catchphrase for everything: academic failure, underemployment, unemployment, marriage woes, etc...

back to jilly from philly...

take a jaunt with me back down memory lane... i remember in my youth (let's say 11 or 12) feelin' a certain way about Goldilocks being extra affectionate to my brother. My brother must have been 8 or 9, in the math/science magnet, and was 1 of 5black kids, 1 of 2 brothers, out of sea of 100 students total. Goldilocks would just dote on my brother in the hallway, wanted to be his partner in class, and i would give her the side eye in passin' of course. you know Bellini always keeps it pleasant. but really - my feelings were manufactured. i felt a certain kind of way 'cuz i come from the jungle fever era, Rodney King showdown of events, etc. but lookin' back wasn't nothing wrong with that girl - she just happened to be white.

but i reckon, episodes like that happens to our brothas all the time. the smart, educated, good jobs brothas - women are doting on them and not just sistas. and when you exploit the factors of being raised in a predominantly white neighborhood, predominatly white school, and thus white friends - what do you expect? There's a greak likelihood that a brotha would have dated women that are represented by countries in the UN.

but here's something more interesting... that i wish jilly from philly would have discussed... most brothas i know are equal opportunist in dating etc. they love sistas, goldilocks, etc... no discrimination. so you can have a brother and sister in the same household - brother will definitely marry somebody don't care what hue she may be and his sister ain't dating or has no prospects for love. yet both siblings grew up in the same household. what are the dynamics being present - that one child feels comfortable entertaining options and the other just feels limited. and given that both children have the same Mother, what is being spoken/unspoken that allows our brothas to freely and fully engage in their options and yet sistas feel their forbidden to employ the same liberation?

and that is Bellini's question of the day.




Amaretto said...

LOL! I think my question of the day was a lot easier to answer than yours! And I definitely don't have an answer.

Do people like what they like, because they are around a certain thing? Or do people like what they like because they are suppose to? When I was younger I had plenty of crushes on white boys...because that's what I was around (or b/c you don't see color when you are younger.) Now that I am older, even though I find attractive men outside my race-I wouldn't seriously entertain having a relationship with any of them. Why that is? I don't know.

Rum Punch said...

Cause sistas are foolish. Heh. No, I actually read somewhere that on an all white campus, a Black woman is the least dated/dateable? of all the races. A college counselor I know said Black women would come in her office crying because they hadn't been on a date their entire time on campus. Why? Cause the white boys were dating white girls. And so were the Black ones. Heh.

I also think it gets back to what Chris Rock was saying about interracial dating. When Black women think of crossing the color lines, they are thinking about Brad Pitt and [insert another white actor you find attractive] They ain't fantasizin about George from Seinfeld. But we have all seen a Black man with a Roseanne, cocked our head to the side, clucked our collective tongue and been like, "oh hell no!"

Finally, I think men in general have more freedom in terms of dating and are encouraged to taste the rainbow as it were. White girls learn this too and give it a whirl during above mentioned college days.

Bellini said...

@amaretto: yeah perhaps you're right - in hindsight your question was a lil' easier. and my sentiments are exactly, although you know I'm sucka for a redhead, i'll at least acknowledge they're cute akin Bobby Flay

@rummy: true-true, Chris Rock be droppin' jewels, however, we need to get to the crux. whom or what are encouraging black boys and white girls and asian girls (too - LOL)to taste the rainbow, and why are black girls lacking this info?

Rum Punch said...

Welllll I would say that if we live in a culture where women are supposed to be sought, courted, whatever, then Black women are at the bottom of the dating pole in being "wanted" so to speak. I think that women of other races are often seen as "beautiful," "exotic" and other cliches because society tells us so. Who are our beautiful Black women according to mainstream society? Yonce. Halle. Lili Keys. The light, brights. The straight haired (fake or real). And if they're not light, bright, then they're like bald headed straight out of Africa exotic. There's rarely a happy medium. A cute brown girl who could get it around the way. I remember going to L.A., and I had my Spanish wavy weave and you know I got "chinky" eyes and this Black guy comes up to me and asks excitedly, "do you have any Asian in you?" Um why? Will you only talk to me if I do?

So if that's what you're faced with as a Black woman, then it's rare that she's gonna just put herself out there and approach all kinds of men off the break - especially if it's hard to pull a Black man. Now, you wanna step out her comfort zone and go for broke. Men are the hunters in general, so they hunt whatever attracts them. I'm not saying white men aren't attracted to Black women, but the ones who have come at me are like the bboy type, let's go to this Roots show, I like to work in the community, let's go watch Brown Sugar my brown suga. In order for things to change Black girls need to start learning that they control their destiny when it comes to this love thing. That a good man is a good man regardless of race. And to date like a white girl. Bay-bay! I'll never forget when the homeliest of homely white girls told me she had dated all kinds. I was like word? You? Ok, if you like it, I love it.

I read a funny post on blacksnob that said that Asian men have the same complaints that no one wants to date them and they should pair off with Black women. Now that would be hilarious...

Rum Punch said...

I also think that Black women learn very traditional/structured dating rules/roles. Like never ask a man out and all that jazz. For a quick example, please see that nightline special w/ the Black women and Steve Harvey and that one woman was all, "I'm not asking him for his number." Or whatever it was. And I don't think that Black people learn the art of dating for fun or know the appreciate just hanging out with folk. We always be on some what's the theme of the party? Who gon' be there? What you wearing? What are the drink specials? Is it free? And so on...

Nappy Mind said...

A book review about this subject is on The Sojourner's Passport at

This subject has also been on What About Our Daughters at

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