manufactured disdain

so i've been thinkin' about many things lately... jilly from philly started it ... now i love me some jilly from philly - her prose, candor, etc. so, i won't fault or raise issue with jilly's sentiments. but sometimes i wonder what events have stoked the fear, resentment, etc. of black folks? slavery? jim crow?

Ladies and gentlemen, i'm afraid to say i don't think slavery is enough or can be an apt answer for Generation X (you and i). Slavery can provide context, but you then have to articulate the subsequent events that have exacerbated those conditions and PERSONIFY that to your situation. And this is where black folks fail miserably!
some of us are utlizing slavery as a catchphrase for everything: academic failure, underemployment, unemployment, marriage woes, etc...

back to jilly from philly...

take a jaunt with me back down memory lane... i remember in my youth (let's say 11 or 12) feelin' a certain way about Goldilocks being extra affectionate to my brother. My brother must have been 8 or 9, in the math/science magnet, and was 1 of 5black kids, 1 of 2 brothers, out of sea of 100 students total. Goldilocks would just dote on my brother in the hallway, wanted to be his partner in class, and i would give her the side eye in passin' of course. you know Bellini always keeps it pleasant. but really - my feelings were manufactured. i felt a certain kind of way 'cuz i come from the jungle fever era, Rodney King showdown of events, etc. but lookin' back wasn't nothing wrong with that girl - she just happened to be white.

but i reckon, episodes like that happens to our brothas all the time. the smart, educated, good jobs brothas - women are doting on them and not just sistas. and when you exploit the factors of being raised in a predominantly white neighborhood, predominatly white school, and thus white friends - what do you expect? There's a greak likelihood that a brotha would have dated women that are represented by countries in the UN.

but here's something more interesting... that i wish jilly from philly would have discussed... most brothas i know are equal opportunist in dating etc. they love sistas, goldilocks, etc... no discrimination. so you can have a brother and sister in the same household - brother will definitely marry somebody don't care what hue she may be and his sister ain't dating or has no prospects for love. yet both siblings grew up in the same household. what are the dynamics being present - that one child feels comfortable entertaining options and the other just feels limited. and given that both children have the same Mother, what is being spoken/unspoken that allows our brothas to freely and fully engage in their options and yet sistas feel their forbidden to employ the same liberation?

and that is Bellini's question of the day.

cheers,

Bellini

fraternal allegiance

Enroute to work, as I was channel surfing, I stopped to hear Steve Harvey announce his guest… Toni Braxton.

Now, I am a big fan of Toni… so Toni discusses her debut single off her album Pulse. It is titled “Yesterday”, and it alludes to the fact that her hubby (fomer bandmember of the funkiest band around – Mint Condition) was almost yesterday business. During the interview, Toni informs Steve that she read his book and sought clues to reconciling the 8-year itch (apparently the origin of their problem in the marriage). And Steve, pleaded the fifth on providing commentary because he knows Toni’s husband. Hmmmm…

So, what was going on... the fraternal allegiance. Brothas stick by it… whether the brotha is shameful or shameless. I’m almost in awe. Even if brothas are not privy too the dynamics of the situation… They will stick behind their brother to a fault.

Steve went on to share how he found himself in the same situation with another famous friend, Sherri Shepard from The View. Apparently, Sherri’s husband cheated on her with another woman and impregnated Sherri and the other woman around the same time. And during this time, Steve was a guest on the show, and Sherri seeks Steve’s two cents… fraternal allegiance kicked in … and Steve pleaded the fifth, “ ‘ cuz I know the brotha.” damn so that's all it takes to abstain from communicating?

Amazing…

I remember a few years ago when my friend’s cousin pursued me hard… (my friend and I go back to the tween years). So it was very weird and uncomfortable situation, not only had he been dating his girlfriend for over a decade (they’re married now), but I knew her well enough. It was a totally sticky situation. And the during his pursuit, all he asked, “are you going to tell her?” And I always thought the way his mind worked was interesting. And years later, I have the inkling all his buddies were aware of his shenanigans. And yet, the fraternal allegiance was in full effect. The funny thing is, I have a hunch the girlfriend was aware of the foulness, but she never checked it to my chagrin. Apparently, she held on to the relationship because she reckoned his shenanigans were conducted outside the home and the perks of being in a relationship with him trumped everything else. So, that situation has always stood out as an unacceptable relationship to me.

The concept of a sisterly allegiance is foreign to women; we just don’t get down like that. Maybe for some… we think we’re righteousness and what not…. And for others we’re vindictive and cold-blooded. We just don’t have that happy medium of being content minding our own business (stick with me, I’m playing devil’s advocate here).

I guess my awe factor with men is their moral and emotional detachment more so moral from the situation. Now, I’m not sure how much info Steve was privy too regarding his celebrity buddies, but he was perfectly fine staying out of it. And yet somehow, I can’t seem to reconcile if that’s right?


cheers,

Bellini