WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.

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-The Five Spot

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

fraternal allegiance

Enroute to work, as I was channel surfing, I stopped to hear Steve Harvey announce his guest… Toni Braxton.

Now, I am a big fan of Toni… so Toni discusses her debut single off her album Pulse. It is titled “Yesterday”, and it alludes to the fact that her hubby (fomer bandmember of the funkiest band around – Mint Condition) was almost yesterday business. During the interview, Toni informs Steve that she read his book and sought clues to reconciling the 8-year itch (apparently the origin of their problem in the marriage). And Steve, pleaded the fifth on providing commentary because he knows Toni’s husband. Hmmmm…

So, what was going on... the fraternal allegiance. Brothas stick by it… whether the brotha is shameful or shameless. I’m almost in awe. Even if brothas are not privy too the dynamics of the situation… They will stick behind their brother to a fault.

Steve went on to share how he found himself in the same situation with another famous friend, Sherri Shepard from The View. Apparently, Sherri’s husband cheated on her with another woman and impregnated Sherri and the other woman around the same time. And during this time, Steve was a guest on the show, and Sherri seeks Steve’s two cents… fraternal allegiance kicked in … and Steve pleaded the fifth, “ ‘ cuz I know the brotha.” damn so that's all it takes to abstain from communicating?

Amazing…

I remember a few years ago when my friend’s cousin pursued me hard… (my friend and I go back to the tween years). So it was very weird and uncomfortable situation, not only had he been dating his girlfriend for over a decade (they’re married now), but I knew her well enough. It was a totally sticky situation. And the during his pursuit, all he asked, “are you going to tell her?” And I always thought the way his mind worked was interesting. And years later, I have the inkling all his buddies were aware of his shenanigans. And yet, the fraternal allegiance was in full effect. The funny thing is, I have a hunch the girlfriend was aware of the foulness, but she never checked it to my chagrin. Apparently, she held on to the relationship because she reckoned his shenanigans were conducted outside the home and the perks of being in a relationship with him trumped everything else. So, that situation has always stood out as an unacceptable relationship to me.

The concept of a sisterly allegiance is foreign to women; we just don’t get down like that. Maybe for some… we think we’re righteousness and what not…. And for others we’re vindictive and cold-blooded. We just don’t have that happy medium of being content minding our own business (stick with me, I’m playing devil’s advocate here).

I guess my awe factor with men is their moral and emotional detachment more so moral from the situation. Now, I’m not sure how much info Steve was privy too regarding his celebrity buddies, but he was perfectly fine staying out of it. And yet somehow, I can’t seem to reconcile if that’s right?


cheers,

Bellini

6 comments:

Sista GP said...

I heard both "refrains" this morning. How could Steve Harvey give out so much advice at other times (Strawberry Letter/books) but hold his tongue when someone he knows? His opinion should be the same whether he knows the person or not.

And I think you are right, women won't refrain. We'll speak up!

LeeCee said...

I'll give Steve the benefit of the doubt. It's never a good idea to air your dirty laundry on tv or radio--I definitely wouldn't be comfortable telling the world my husband had an affair. I would hope that Steve would give her advice in private, especially if Toni & her husband are trying to save the marriage.

Just goes to show that no matter how pretty and successful you are, you can't make a man do right. *SMH*

Bellini said...

@SistaGP:well in Steve's defense I'm not sure how much information he was privy too - in both cases the wives present their story, he didn't let on whether he in the buddies kiki'ed it up in private ala your "1st black president" and good ol' Jesse.

@LeeCee: true, true - never a good idea to be airing dirty laundry... yet slow down LeeCee, not sure if you're referring to Toni or Sherri... i didn't get the impression Toni's hubby had done wrong, they seemed to have hit upon a rough patch... imo, looks ain't got nothin' to do w/ nothing; the common response i get from men who cheat is that they do it be'cuz they can or they're just too many women not to do it -- same difference

Rum Punch said...

But look, Sherri Shepard got her own show off her tragedy! Although that must totally burn (heh heh) knowing all you had to go through to get pregnant, tens of thousands spent on invitro, and you finally get pregnant after all these years and then boom so is some other chick after mere moments. But onto the real issue...

Maybe Steve ain't say nuffin cause he know he too ain't always been right in his own relationships/marriages. But I say this cause I feel some typa way bout Mr. Harvey.

Either way yes, I think men be on some 'that's they business' and keep it moving. Not just cause they don't want to be involved or out of allegiance to the man, but cause they know saying something won't change anything. I've heard too many men be like, "why would you tell your homegirl her man is cheating? It's not like she's going to leave him." Hmmm...

Bellini said...

@rummy: hmmmm... i'll abstain from my 2 cents on Steve's role or lack thereof, 'cuz i'm feelin' where you coming from... sure they're men who feel it ain't got noneya to do wit me-and yes-some feel ain't no point in sayin' nothing 'cuz it don't change shit (as i've gotten older i've come to feel that way too); however i think there's something else @ play w/ men... and given that i ain't a guy i can't speak for 'em... so fellas feel free to chime in...

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