We Be Clubbin'

So as we get older, hopefully we grow and learn new things. But there are some things we just know about ourselves. I for one realized sometime around the age of 19/20ish that I hated clubs. Lounges and bars – loved them. I could even handle a club before thing really get popping – when the Happy Hour specials are still in effect, the dance floor is kinda empty, the DJ hasn’t started his reggae/dancehall/wtf set yet, and I can still roll through in a cute workish outfit, wearing flats.

But I realized that what I totally hated was putting on a “freakum” dress, 3 inch+ heels, making sure my hair was did, looking as Amaretto would say ‘behind God’s backyard’ for parking, standing in a long line, paying an unreasonable amount for coat check, only to be surrounded by a bunch of stank lookin chicks and ‘what yo’ name is’ nyggas, listening and "dancing" (cause you know we don't dance no mo') to the same top 10 songs from the radio, and so on. So once I learned the best place to dance and be considered fabulous was the gay club, I pretty much stopped going “clubbing.”

And yet last week during Howard’s Homecoming, I was met with this question. “where are you going to party this weekend?” “Ummm… Nowhere,” was my reply. Mainly because I have am a wee bit fearful of the mix that is Negroes, likka, and pit bulls. But I digress. So I left it up to my fellow co-worker who’s also 28 to do the heavy lifting. She hit up some spots and came back with a report. And it was just how I figured it would be. And confirmed what I already knew, it ain’t nothing but some bullshyt out there.

So co-worker comes back with tales of this man tried to holla and he was driving a NICE range rover. And then this man tried to holla and he has a mansion in Tysons Corner (oh that's “wealthy" area for those not in the DC Metro). This other man who tried to holla was part owner of some urban t-shirt company. And we exchanged numbers. And... And I was really trying my darndest not to give her a 'wtf' look the whole time she spoke. But in my mind, I was like, “for real?” Like do you really believe that mess? Did you really entertain them like beyond the VIP section access and the free grey goose? Do you really think any of those men are/were worth your time?

And that takes me to that age old question, can you really meet somebody in the club? Like for real, for real? If you were in the club and someone stepped to you, would you really take them seriously? And maybe that’s why I really stopped doing the whole club thing because it felt like people were looking for something that they were never going to find. Just chasing something as elusive and transparent as air. One person in the dark, something completely different in the daylight. Just fake. And phony. Broke people “buying” the bar. Women with weaves to their behinds. People passing out homemade business cards that describe them as "consultant". And I know that when you are first digging and getting to know somebody, you are really meeting their representative. But in the club, it feels like you’re meeting their secretary.

And while I don't knock anyone who likes going to the club (I just silently judge them in my head and now on this here blog), I do wonder - after you've reached a certain age - don't you get tired of it all? Isn't it just the same thing weekend after weekend? And then can you really be upset when you come back to work on Monday "blown" that there were no decent men? That they were all posers. Or too gay. Or too short. Or too thuggish. Or too nerdy. Or too young. Or too old. But never just right. And never quite what you've been looking for. Never what you really want. Or need. Just filler. Seemingly standing in the way of the real thing...

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

keeping legs closed

i've always like teyanna taylor.  for no real definable reason other than she's cutie patootie.  and she does her own thang. and did you see her on mtv's super sweet 16 in 2007?  the life style doll!  say word! and while get my daily dose of celebrity gossip this morning i ran across this over at theybf.com that made me like her even more.  i really like teyanna taylor.   and then this made me like her even more.

Q: Wait Wait Wait…your still a virgin?? I’m really happy to hear that.

A: Yes. The one thing people can never say is that I’m a hoe. I have a purity ring. The only time you get in trouble is if you attempt to do something. If your laying up on a boy then something is going to happen. So I just keep my legs closed until I am ready for that. I can’t have a boyfriend because the only thing they want to do is have sex. I don’t want no fingers up there, no penis, nothing!!! Uh uh (shaking her head no).

Q: You know many young girls think that virginity is lame and promiscuity is cool. They succumb to peer pressure and then find themselves in grown folks situations that they aren’t equipped to handle. So I’m pleasantly surprised to hear that you have your head on straight.

A: Egypt I even try to teach these girls. I hold bible study class at St. Lukes church in Harlem when I’m home. I actually teach the class because I want them to know its okay to praise God and keep your legs closed. I’m just trying to be a good example right now.

source: theybf.com and egypt.

during a recent sit down with egypt she talked about her virginity and how she's a motivation for young girls.  i think it's cool that she's not shy about her virginity and that she's a "cool" role model that other young girls can look up to. 

she also got me to thinking....if i could go back to when i was 18 (and still a virgin) would i do things differently?  would i have a purity ring? would i keep my legs closed?  cause you know they say once you dip your toe in the pool, it's all down hill from there.

what say ya'll?

proximity to power?.?.?

The days of your home being your sanctuary, private space are numbered.

The days of walking nekkid through the house are ova? oh, my...
All be'cuz people don't want to mind thier bizness...

"[A] 29-year-old was naked and home alone, and could face up to a year in jail."

what on God's green earthing is going on?

he said
So, Eric was minding his business or so he thought, when the cops showed up.

she said
"[a] 45-year-old woman, ..., was walking her son to school about 8:40 a.m. along a well-traveled path between public tennis courts and the house where ... when a noise drew her attention to a side door.

That's when she first noticed Eric standing nude in the doorway, she said. When she and her son got to the sidewalk in front of the house ..., they saw him again -- this time, through a large window that appeared to have no drapes."

SEEK... and you shall find

Now,there's a huge piece of information I omitted... so I'll try this again sorry

""[a] 45-year-old woman, the wife of a police officer, was walking her son to school about 8:40 a.m. along a well-traveled path between public tennis courts and the house where ... when a noise drew her attention to a side door.

That's when she first noticed Eric standing nude in the doorway, she said. When she and her son got to the sidewalk in front of the house ..., they saw him again -- this time, through a large window that appeared to have no drapes."

read full story here

So, what's the civic body to do?
It's a classic case of individual rights versus civil liberties.

Isn't perturbing to some to know that your contribution to your city/county taxbase is used to lock yo ass up?

And isn't far more irritating that if Ms. Bizzeebody wasn't married to said officer, that this would have been a non-issue?!?!?!

proximity to power-- ain't that a b****

Before I let you go, I'll leave you with a classic line from Goodie Mob...
whose that peeping at my window?...


cheers,

Bellini

Make New Friends

I remember a few years ago a woman from my church telling me that she was a bridesmaid in a wedding. When I inquired whose wedding it was she said
“It’s my friend’s wedding. Though she would probably say she is my best friend but she isn’t.”
Ummmm, say what church lady? How could there be such a disconnect between how the relationship is qualified? Not saying that when you meet people in the grown and sexy world of adulthood that there has to be a moment where you ask “Are you my best friend?” But there should be some mutual consensus riiiight?

Anyways, I didn’t think about church lady’s statement anymore until yesterday when I found myself in a similar situation. My supervisor (60 year old white man) told my co worker (37 year old white lady)* and I that he’s been battling cancer since March and wanted to tell us because he considers us to be his friends and felt that by concealing this he was lying to us. Say whaaaat? You are my boss dude! We are cool but this really isn’t any of my business. And while I felt honored that he told me and not his mother or the other co-workers I wasn’t prepared to be a supportive friend as he shed tears over hash browns at McDonalds’s. I wasn’t prepared has he told us of the pain he has endured all these months as I have voiced my complaints about stupid work stuff! But beyond all that, I didn’t know we were cool like that.

Sometimes, I long for the days when you could clearly identify what category people fell under. Are they an acquaintance, associate or a friend? Does anyone else remember those best friend forever necklaces and bracelets? Oh how labels make things easier to understand!

But I’m learning that these relationship misunderstanding happen quite often in adulthood-not just in our romantic relationships. Last year, my mom was a little offended when the associate Pastor at her church didn’t tell her that she was going through a divorce. The backdrop to the story was that the Pastor relieved (aka fired) the associate Pastor from her position because both had decided that she couldn’t handle her ministerial functions while going through the divorce. My mom didn’t know that initially as she ranting about the Pastor’s decision making. and my mom went to bat for the associate Pastor. Later when she found out part of the reason was the divorce she was handling and there was concern about how she could fulfill her role as pastor at this time, my mom was full of hurt. She felt she should have been informed. Really mom? Is that any of your business? But my mom had considered her friendship with the associate pastor an evenly paved two-way street.

I am learning that in life you never know how your life will be changed by the people you meet. Or how you are changing the lives of the people around you as you are living your own. As I sat in my coworker’s cube we both shed tears for our boss and then I said a prayer that my friend would beat his cancer!


See You In Seven

*I felt the ages and races were important because most of my friends either are close to my own age or are in my race.

Crazy Possessive

Not sure what to say to this but I thought I would share...