I remember a few years ago a woman from my church telling me that she was a bridesmaid in a wedding. When I inquired whose wedding it was she said
“It’s my friend’s wedding. Though she would probably say she is my best friend but she isn’t.”
Ummmm, say what church lady? How could there be such a disconnect between how the relationship is qualified? Not saying that when you meet people in the grown and sexy world of adulthood that there has to be a moment where you ask “Are you my best friend?” But there should be some mutual consensus riiiight?
Anyways, I didn’t think about church lady’s statement anymore until yesterday when I found myself in a similar situation. My supervisor (60 year old white man) told my co worker (37 year old white lady)* and I that he’s been battling cancer since March and wanted to tell us because he considers us to be his friends and felt that by concealing this he was lying to us. Say whaaaat? You are my boss dude! We are cool but this really isn’t any of my business. And while I felt honored that he told me and not his mother or the other co-workers I wasn’t prepared to be a supportive friend as he shed tears over hash browns at McDonalds’s. I wasn’t prepared has he told us of the pain he has endured all these months as I have voiced my complaints about stupid work stuff! But beyond all that, I didn’t know we were cool like that.
Sometimes, I long for the days when you could clearly identify what category people fell under. Are they an acquaintance, associate or a friend? Does anyone else remember those best friend forever necklaces and bracelets? Oh how labels make things easier to understand!
But I’m learning that these relationship misunderstanding happen quite often in adulthood-not just in our romantic relationships. Last year, my mom was a little offended when the associate Pastor at her church didn’t tell her that she was going through a divorce. The backdrop to the story was that the Pastor relieved (aka fired) the associate Pastor from her position because both had decided that she couldn’t handle her ministerial functions while going through the divorce. My mom didn’t know that initially as she ranting about the Pastor’s decision making. and my mom went to bat for the associate Pastor. Later when she found out part of the reason was the divorce she was handling and there was concern about how she could fulfill her role as pastor at this time, my mom was full of hurt. She felt she should have been informed. Really mom? Is that any of your business? But my mom had considered her friendship with the associate pastor an evenly paved two-way street.
I am learning that in life you never know how your life will be changed by the people you meet. Or how you are changing the lives of the people around you as you are living your own. As I sat in my coworker’s cube we both shed tears for our boss and then I said a prayer that my friend would beat his cancer!
See You In Seven
*I felt the ages and races were important because most of my friends either are close to my own age or are in my race.
SO LONG, FAREWELL...
The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot