High (Ho)pes

Yesterday I had a very interesting conversation with a man who kept using “just kickin' it” as an expression for dating. I asked him just what he meant by ‘kickin it,' since every time he said it I was singing Xscape in my head. So, he was like, “oh it’s when you’re dating a chick, but y’all aren’t exclusive.” Ahhhhh I see.

So he then proceeds to explain that men have five steps when with a woman. And here they go.
Courting – When the man is wooing the woman
Go together – When the two are dating, getting to know each other, etc
Exclusive – They are officially a couple and aren't seeing other people
Engaged - Pretty self explanatory, but everyone didn't get the same handbook - I'm looking at you Tiger who had sex at your Bachelor Party
Married - Pretty self explanatory, but everyone didn't get the same handbook - I'm looking at you Tiger who had lots of sex with lots of women who weren't your wife.

“That makes sense to me,” I say. But here’s the problem, he says. Women tend to blur the first three into one. So, according to him women have three steps:
1. Dating
2. Engaged
3. Married

He then continues with, “once intimacy is involved, the woman typically thinks that y’all are now in the exclusive stage. Whereas the man is still at go together.” Or maybe even jumpoff. Heh. That’s Rum Punch ignorance – he didn’t say that.

Anyway. Ain’t that the truth! We women be quick to claim a man. Or just assume that cause he slept with us, then he must not be sleeping with anyone else. Of course when he laid it all out, it made total sense. But that’s not how things always go in real life when you feeling somebody, and they feeling you, and cocktails are involved, then both y’all nekkid, then the deed is done, without the big talk having been had, but you feel like he should maybe kinda say he wanna be with you. Sometime soon. Like maybe tonight. But definitely in the morning light. Ok. Lemme wait a week. Um how many months have we been doing this? So he don’t officially claim you. But you decide y’all are together anyway. Cause it's like you are. Riight? And he didn’t get the memo. And you see Chantel leaving his house when the moon is switching places with the sun. And then car windows are busted out.

And speaking of car windows. Um I know we have all put in our $1.25 on Tiger, and I commented last week that I never thought he was wrapped too tight - but man – if this ain’t a PR nightmare, I don’t know what is! Look. I really don’t have expectations of famous men to be faithful. And I really think these women know what they're getting into and if they were smart they would make arrangements.

And like a dude said the other night, that Chris Rock said, “a man is as faithful as his options.” And like daddy in Love and Basketball said, “even when you get past the 1000s at the stadium, there’s hundreds at the hotel, dozens on your floor, one in your bed.” So I get it. But what really sticks in my craw is all these random chicks Tiger chose. I mean really? Can you step up your options and go with some professionals. And yes, I’m talking about whores. Who picks the hostess of a restaurant who has nothing to lose? Why couldn’t you take it Michael Jordan style and get a better class of hofessionals? Like we allll know Michael Jordan was unfaithful, but please name one of his hos. It’s ok. I’ll wait. Riiiiight.

The point of these two random topics joined together is that women usually have some type of expectation when going into something with a man -and the stakes are a lot higher once bodily fluids are exchanged. Men be going along for the ride, trying to see how far they can go, how much finnagling they can do, how long they can keep it just like this.

Whereas women are in it for something - whether it be tangible or intangible, cleary defined or blurried lines, socially acceptable or not: fame, money, that Mrs. title, security & stability, love in all its forms, a winter boo, a summer home, a free dinner at Ruth Chris or Red Lobster or Wendy's, a daddy for these kids, all of the above. Yes, there is usually a pricetag on the psusy. Now we could discuss all day long that too many women devalue it. But the point is that when the ish hits the fan (and other cliches), if you haven't acted right - you will pay for it. One way or the other.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Can I kick it? Yes, I can! Y'all look at Kandi 'I Fly Above' Burress, and T.I.'s ride or die chick Tiny. And the other two. Lol. Man this brings back memories!

aint no half steppin?

Dear readers,

Suppose you got the following text randomly:

"Do u have a boyfriend? Do want to be my girl
yes[ ] or No [ ]"

Context:

Dude asks girl's friend for her number bout 5 months ago. He calls. They talk every now and then. But he doesn't ask her out on a real date. Ever. They only been "out" twice. Once he called her while she was on her way out and she casually asked if he wanted to come with. Second time, over 3 months later, he invited her to an after work event. She went. It was cool. That's it. He likes to call and talk on the phone. But he always be on some "I was gonna ask you out but [insert lame excuse here.]"

So what to do with this text message? Is it cute? Is it funny? Insane? Something new?

Appropriate reply?

What say ya'll?

naivete is bliss

celebritydom is an interesting phenomenon of the 19th century. i mean don't quote me on it, i just think it is. i have always been the one to hold out for that minority of opinion contrary to others beliefs.

case in point

i would have bet my life that ev'ry thing was platonic between Jay and B during their 'Crazy in Love' video. I had to tell my bestfriend they have to sell the chemistry. She was quick to say, "naw uhh Bellini, B's shakin' is a lil' extra. you ain't doing all that unless you feelin' him." Then the BET awards rolled around and they performed their song and Jay pats her rump, and i had a hard time defending such gesture and figure it was showmanship.

or how bout, Chris and Rihanna? I didn't believe he hit her let alone breathed on her... until that damn pic came out. I still wonder had that pic never leaked, what would be the dynamics of their relationship now.

or didn't you think Jilly from philly was going to be with Mr. E Flat forever... never breakup? and although jilly is from philly, i just didn't think she'd ever express the philly in her on a record. and then she went center right of previous albums. lettin' folks know you can hate on me now. and i had shared with Courvoisier and co. that to see jilly from philly perform that song live is mind blowin', you just have to love that song upon jilly singin' live. and if you've ever been to jilly's concert where she sings 'My Love' where she lets you know she's been the other woman and Bellini gasps, i have a hard time digesting that... not jilly from philly - say it ain't so...

do ya remember kobegate? i was fooled thinkin' his ass had a squeaky clean image. i rooted for his ass too-- cussin' Colorado out, wishin' they'd leave him alone. and hoping somebody would smack that girl. oh my, was i ever so wrong i was young back then.

and although, never really cared for Tiger - who knew he had it in him to be wildin' out and such. he should just be ashamed of himself. and i can't believe ima say it-but i feel bad for Elin. This was not the life she agreed to- i think. and do you think Tiger is sorry or just sorry he got caught?

In 2010, i'll continue to live by the creed seein' is believin', hoping that i've been overexposed to celebrity shock vale and won't be amused by their antics anymore.

cheers,

Bellini

P.S. Folks Bellini will be traveling - so this is my last post until after 2010. Be safe and may God Bless. Happy New Year!!!

Need Some Advice

Okay I am totally loving the Strawberry Letter portion of the Steve Harvey Morning Show. The things people write in with you just wonder if this is someone’s real life situation or the musings of people with very active imaginations and a bunch of time on their hands. I have always had an affinity for advice columns and often try to advise prior reading what the “expert” had to opine. And let’s be real, OPP (the last P is for problems) is a tad bit more interesting than our own. *Glances at Tiger Wood’s current mistress count-9 waffle house wannabe model waitress* Riiight? Right. So that’s why I love Strawberry letter, for the pure shock value you of them, or because Strawberry Letter comes on right with the gospel station is going to commercial and the hippity-hop stations are playing Lil Wayne…again!

Now while some of these letters speak of verbal and sexual abuse-to which Amaretto gives a brief sniffle for on her way to work; it be* the nasty spectacular dramas that give me the most comedy. So I ask you good readers of the 5 spot what you would say if you were an advice columnist to the following letters received by the Steve Harvey Morning Show…

This one I heard a day or two before Thanksgiving…

**Dear Steve,
My wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I told her I wanted a threesome. So it’s the night of my birthday, the lights are off, and another person is in the room. I had the best sex I have ever had. When all was said and done and the lights turned on next to laying next to my wife is her mother. Now her mother is fine. But I wonder should I tell my father in law what happened.

Amaretto Said: Illl! Hell no, don’t tell your FIL! And what kind of woman did you marry dude? Seriously?! Your wife didn’t have a homegirl or didn’t think to ask a stranger to join in the celebration?! Craziness! Steve-pretty much said the same. I don’t know if I should feel good about being in synch with Steve Harvey or not…

This one I heard yesterday…

**Dear Steve,
I have been married to my wife for 12 years and we have 6 children. I have been sleeping with my wife’s best friend for 12 years. The thing about it is that my wife’s best friend is a man. For the past year I have also been sleeping with my wife’s father. Each of these people, including my wife knows how to rock my world. I feel I am a gay man and need to confess and come out to my family.

Amaretto Said: Illl! The babies granddaddy dude! Yucky poo! Steve-Pretty called him trifling and that he should take this to the grave. He can’t even call himself gay-he’s something else-he just likes to get done. To which I agree with Steve. Again, I don’t know if should feel good about agreeing with Steve Harvey or not…

So you few fine 5 spot advice experts out there…what advice would you give to these two poor wayward men folks?

See You In Seven


*I have suspended my proper grammar for country grammar to convey how good it is!
**Also these letters have been gistified and Amarettofied!

Love without Marriage

Good Morning ya’ll! I am really about to shake it up.

A while back I was telling Amaretto when you are wealthy, who needs marriage and she was in a state of surprise, like that was the craziest thing she ever heard come out of my mouth. (chuckle) And we all know this is not true. I have been known to think completely off the wall.
Com’on just because you have been brainwashed to believe love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage doesn’t mean it really does. I always said if I was wealthy, and in this particular convo Oprah was my point of reference, what would be the point of getting married? Oh yes… I said this while I was married, straight up and down! Mr heard and he tossed it away to my wifely ramblings because hey I wasn’t wealthy so it was irrelevant. But since it is my day and you guys like it when I talk crazy let me let CC commence her post.

First let’s put this into context… money opens up a lot of doors and alleviates many concerns. We try to imagine if money wasn’t an issue and we really can’t truly fathom it. It is like a goldfish comprehending to live in a huge fresh water lake with unlimited food. You just don’t have the capacity until you are there or have been exposed. The self restraint… please… foreign concept. I know how I am at work when they give me an inch so try and imagine if no one told me no ever!

So with that said I think about all the average day people concerns as far as marriage is concerned… let’s start with the non-financials.

1. We can co-habit
2. Sleep in the same bed every night
3. Shower together
4. Cook meals together
5. Attend events
6. Share our home
7. Throw parties
8. Raise kids in a two parent household…

I could go on but you get the point. Now, picture how you would do all of these things if you weren’t married. Come on do it… you know a bunch of people out there already doing this so keep it real… it is not even about the marriage.

Shall we examine the financials…

1. Combined income
2. Reduced health insurance
3. Reduced cost of living…

I am not even going to go any further with this one because we all know that at millionaire status this all irrelevant unless you are super frugal. The everyday average benefits of marriage don’t necessarily apply to the wealthy Jane. This is just a thought so when I hear stories about marriage behaving in a different fashion (ie. Signing bonuses, etc) I have to think something slightly different is going on there besides that regular, I love you-let’s get married and have some babies. Marriage must mean something different.

And this is true for everyone, rich or poor… marriage is different for everyone. For me it goes back to values. CC is done. (chuckle) Two people need to share the same values before they make life decisions or commitments.

Side note: Maybe that is why she went up side his head, Woods changed the value structure… he paid for her trust and 10 year-commitment at the beginning of the marriage in return for his lifestyle and loyalty and he broke the agreement. Who said this had anything to do with love? You never know.

Much luv until next week... peace :)