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The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Friday, December 11, 2009

High (Ho)pes

Yesterday I had a very interesting conversation with a man who kept using “just kickin' it” as an expression for dating. I asked him just what he meant by ‘kickin it,' since every time he said it I was singing Xscape in my head. So, he was like, “oh it’s when you’re dating a chick, but y’all aren’t exclusive.” Ahhhhh I see.

So he then proceeds to explain that men have five steps when with a woman. And here they go.
Courting – When the man is wooing the woman
Go together – When the two are dating, getting to know each other, etc
Exclusive – They are officially a couple and aren't seeing other people
Engaged - Pretty self explanatory, but everyone didn't get the same handbook - I'm looking at you Tiger who had sex at your Bachelor Party
Married - Pretty self explanatory, but everyone didn't get the same handbook - I'm looking at you Tiger who had lots of sex with lots of women who weren't your wife.

“That makes sense to me,” I say. But here’s the problem, he says. Women tend to blur the first three into one. So, according to him women have three steps:
1. Dating
2. Engaged
3. Married

He then continues with, “once intimacy is involved, the woman typically thinks that y’all are now in the exclusive stage. Whereas the man is still at go together.” Or maybe even jumpoff. Heh. That’s Rum Punch ignorance – he didn’t say that.

Anyway. Ain’t that the truth! We women be quick to claim a man. Or just assume that cause he slept with us, then he must not be sleeping with anyone else. Of course when he laid it all out, it made total sense. But that’s not how things always go in real life when you feeling somebody, and they feeling you, and cocktails are involved, then both y’all nekkid, then the deed is done, without the big talk having been had, but you feel like he should maybe kinda say he wanna be with you. Sometime soon. Like maybe tonight. But definitely in the morning light. Ok. Lemme wait a week. Um how many months have we been doing this? So he don’t officially claim you. But you decide y’all are together anyway. Cause it's like you are. Riight? And he didn’t get the memo. And you see Chantel leaving his house when the moon is switching places with the sun. And then car windows are busted out.

And speaking of car windows. Um I know we have all put in our $1.25 on Tiger, and I commented last week that I never thought he was wrapped too tight - but man – if this ain’t a PR nightmare, I don’t know what is! Look. I really don’t have expectations of famous men to be faithful. And I really think these women know what they're getting into and if they were smart they would make arrangements.

And like a dude said the other night, that Chris Rock said, “a man is as faithful as his options.” And like daddy in Love and Basketball said, “even when you get past the 1000s at the stadium, there’s hundreds at the hotel, dozens on your floor, one in your bed.” So I get it. But what really sticks in my craw is all these random chicks Tiger chose. I mean really? Can you step up your options and go with some professionals. And yes, I’m talking about whores. Who picks the hostess of a restaurant who has nothing to lose? Why couldn’t you take it Michael Jordan style and get a better class of hofessionals? Like we allll know Michael Jordan was unfaithful, but please name one of his hos. It’s ok. I’ll wait. Riiiiight.

The point of these two random topics joined together is that women usually have some type of expectation when going into something with a man -and the stakes are a lot higher once bodily fluids are exchanged. Men be going along for the ride, trying to see how far they can go, how much finnagling they can do, how long they can keep it just like this.

Whereas women are in it for something - whether it be tangible or intangible, cleary defined or blurried lines, socially acceptable or not: fame, money, that Mrs. title, security & stability, love in all its forms, a winter boo, a summer home, a free dinner at Ruth Chris or Red Lobster or Wendy's, a daddy for these kids, all of the above. Yes, there is usually a pricetag on the psusy. Now we could discuss all day long that too many women devalue it. But the point is that when the ish hits the fan (and other cliches), if you haven't acted right - you will pay for it. One way or the other.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Can I kick it? Yes, I can! Y'all look at Kandi 'I Fly Above' Burress, and T.I.'s ride or die chick Tiny. And the other two. Lol. Man this brings back memories!


Anonymous said...

Hmmm. File this under "things I wish I had known 2 years ago." LOL! It's all good now though.

Amaretto said...

All I can say to this is YEP!

And that's why men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Everyone is coming to the table for something different with something different. Men: Come to eat and bring the napkins. Women: Come for bonding, good conversation, appreciation, compliments etc (cause you know we womenfolk want a lot) and bring the meat and potatoes.

You boy was right about women folks blurring the first 3 relationship levels. But I do think it's possible to level set expectations in relationships. I just takes a lot of patience and communication.

Courvoisier said...

Rummy... to your comment on stepping up your ho' status... just because you can afford shrimp and grits everyday doesn't mean you never long for popeye's shrimp po'boy every once in a while. Sometimes you just want to try the common out again... no matter how sick you good potentially get.

LOL... case and point NOLA '09 :)

Rum Punch said...

@ Brownbelle - Yes hindsight is 20/20 isn't it? And other cliches.

@ Amaretto - Ha! Women sure are bringing a lot to that table. I hope he at least brought the likka. Lol. I agree - dialogue and conversation is necessary. But we all know that's easier said than done.

@ Courvoisier - LMAO! LMAO! Ok Ok you true. Like Dark & Stormy shared the other day women cheat up, men cheat down. That's cool. But you can only have Popeye's so many times in a row before it starts to fux with your system. I'm just sayin.

Bellini said...

@Rummy: you're still a nut and a half! lmao on a friday, cold ass afternoon at that! did you really take it back to Love & Basketball?!? and dark&stormy is soooo... right

@Courvoisier: you need to expound on that, 'cuz so many women never understand how a n*gga can go regular, a few men have shared pssy is pssy - don't matter too much what you look like; now being the girlfriend or wife is a different story- looks tend to matter

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