Okay I am totally loving the Strawberry Letter portion of the Steve Harvey Morning Show. The things people write in with you just wonder if this is someone’s real life situation or the musings of people with very active imaginations and a bunch of time on their hands. I have always had an affinity for advice columns and often try to advise prior reading what the “expert” had to opine. And let’s be real, OPP (the last P is for problems) is a tad bit more interesting than our own. *Glances at Tiger Wood’s current mistress count-9 waffle house wannabe model waitress* Riiight? Right. So that’s why I love Strawberry letter, for the pure shock value you of them, or because Strawberry Letter comes on right with the gospel station is going to commercial and the hippity-hop stations are playing Lil Wayne…again!
Now while some of these letters speak of verbal and sexual abuse-to which Amaretto gives a brief sniffle for on her way to work; it be* the nasty spectacular dramas that give me the most comedy. So I ask you good readers of the 5 spot what you would say if you were an advice columnist to the following letters received by the Steve Harvey Morning Show…
This one I heard a day or two before Thanksgiving…
**Dear Steve,
My wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I told her I wanted a threesome. So it’s the night of my birthday, the lights are off, and another person is in the room. I had the best sex I have ever had. When all was said and done and the lights turned on next to laying next to my wife is her mother. Now her mother is fine. But I wonder should I tell my father in law what happened.
Amaretto Said: Illl! Hell no, don’t tell your FIL! And what kind of woman did you marry dude? Seriously?! Your wife didn’t have a homegirl or didn’t think to ask a stranger to join in the celebration?! Craziness! Steve-pretty much said the same. I don’t know if I should feel good about being in synch with Steve Harvey or not…
This one I heard yesterday…
**Dear Steve,
I have been married to my wife for 12 years and we have 6 children. I have been sleeping with my wife’s best friend for 12 years. The thing about it is that my wife’s best friend is a man. For the past year I have also been sleeping with my wife’s father. Each of these people, including my wife knows how to rock my world. I feel I am a gay man and need to confess and come out to my family.
Amaretto Said: Illl! The babies granddaddy dude! Yucky poo! Steve-Pretty called him trifling and that he should take this to the grave. He can’t even call himself gay-he’s something else-he just likes to get done. To which I agree with Steve. Again, I don’t know if should feel good about agreeing with Steve Harvey or not…
So you few fine 5 spot advice experts out there…what advice would you give to these two poor wayward men folks?
See You In Seven
*I have suspended my proper grammar for country grammar to convey how good it is!
**Also these letters have been gistified and Amarettofied!
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2 comments:
OMG! OMG! OMG! What is wrong with these people? I wouldn't be able to say nary a thing but "you need Jesus and a therapist. In that order"!
@Brownbelle-LOL! I love it! What more do you need than the good Lord and a $100 per hour therapist? Great advice.
@Localicious-The first letter had me wondering if the wife was enacting some sort of revenge on her husband for asking for a threesome. But ain't no revenge in the world worth seeing yo momma in an intimate way. As far as I am concerned my parents only had sex once-and here I am!
So do you really think "Loves to Do it" should give full disclosure of his deeds or just come out of the closet? I still think mums the word...
@Dirty Red-You shol don't sugarcoat things do you? ;) I will say that 3some man said his MIL was fine...but so what? Like you said he might want to reevaluate the family he married into-ain't enough darkness in the world!
And I think you pretty much summed it up for the last letter. The end.
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