WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.


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-The Five Spot

Monday, December 7, 2009

Love without Marriage

Good Morning ya’ll! I am really about to shake it up.

A while back I was telling Amaretto when you are wealthy, who needs marriage and she was in a state of surprise, like that was the craziest thing she ever heard come out of my mouth. (chuckle) And we all know this is not true. I have been known to think completely off the wall.
Com’on just because you have been brainwashed to believe love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage doesn’t mean it really does. I always said if I was wealthy, and in this particular convo Oprah was my point of reference, what would be the point of getting married? Oh yes… I said this while I was married, straight up and down! Mr heard and he tossed it away to my wifely ramblings because hey I wasn’t wealthy so it was irrelevant. But since it is my day and you guys like it when I talk crazy let me let CC commence her post.

First let’s put this into context… money opens up a lot of doors and alleviates many concerns. We try to imagine if money wasn’t an issue and we really can’t truly fathom it. It is like a goldfish comprehending to live in a huge fresh water lake with unlimited food. You just don’t have the capacity until you are there or have been exposed. The self restraint… please… foreign concept. I know how I am at work when they give me an inch so try and imagine if no one told me no ever!

So with that said I think about all the average day people concerns as far as marriage is concerned… let’s start with the non-financials.

1. We can co-habit
2. Sleep in the same bed every night
3. Shower together
4. Cook meals together
5. Attend events
6. Share our home
7. Throw parties
8. Raise kids in a two parent household…

I could go on but you get the point. Now, picture how you would do all of these things if you weren’t married. Come on do it… you know a bunch of people out there already doing this so keep it real… it is not even about the marriage.

Shall we examine the financials…

1. Combined income
2. Reduced health insurance
3. Reduced cost of living…

I am not even going to go any further with this one because we all know that at millionaire status this all irrelevant unless you are super frugal. The everyday average benefits of marriage don’t necessarily apply to the wealthy Jane. This is just a thought so when I hear stories about marriage behaving in a different fashion (ie. Signing bonuses, etc) I have to think something slightly different is going on there besides that regular, I love you-let’s get married and have some babies. Marriage must mean something different.

And this is true for everyone, rich or poor… marriage is different for everyone. For me it goes back to values. CC is done. (chuckle) Two people need to share the same values before they make life decisions or commitments.

Side note: Maybe that is why she went up side his head, Woods changed the value structure… he paid for her trust and 10 year-commitment at the beginning of the marriage in return for his lifestyle and loyalty and he broke the agreement. Who said this had anything to do with love? You never know.

Much luv until next week... peace :)


mint julep said...

interesting post! you know in my mind, i think more about spending the rest of my life with the person meant for me, who gets me, who i can be all my selves with, rather than about marriage as the goal. i'd spend my life with THAT person even if we couldn't get married (so long as they weren't married to/involved with someone else). the commitment need not be legal for it to be real to me and between us. idk. maybe i'm rich in my head. ;-)

Localicious said...

and this is EXACTLY why we're friends!! i love when u venture outside the box. i'd like to think that i'd still desire marriage, or what marriage represents for me, even if i were rich. but i have to admit that if i were rich (like really rich), marriage would probably take a back seat to other stuff. i guess marriage & relationships are how us po' folks keep ourselves occupied, lol!