WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.


The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Thursday, October 22, 2009

desperately seeking husband

one of my first posts on this here blog was about women and marriage. and the agnst that women feel when they get close to 30 and aren't married.  and the idealist view they have that marriage will solve all their problems.

Marriage....when life begins (don’t steal my slogan people). When all her dreams come true. Here’s how some women think even though you will never ever (eva… eva… eva…eva) get a strong black woman to admit this: If I can just get married I’ll be ok. I’ll be complete. I’ll be able to buy my dream house (two wage earner household baby!) I can stop working and stay at home or at least change to the job that I really want. He’ll give me my beautiful brown babies, “boy for you and a girl for me.” My life will get better, I’ll be happier. The flowers will smell fresher, my butt will grow bigger and we’ll finally catch osama bin laden.

Uhhhhhh…..no. not gon happen (c) new new. Cause what if you never get claimed? Or worse still, what if you do get claimed errr...... married, and it doesn’t make you happier or sexier and your life isn’t richer or fuller? What then?

i wrote that shiz almost 2 years ago and it still rings true. probably now a little truer. harder. louder. stronger. seems like every other day i'm having a conversation with someone about wanting to be married and desiring to have a husband.  praying for God to send a man.  longing for what some other woman has...a man that wants to caved to the ultimatum has agreed to marry her.

but to all my single ladies out there be careful what you wish for.  you just might get it and a whole host of other problems. 

take suzy, a woman at my job.  she moved down to my city after her boyfriend, bobby, had been living here for a year.  she made him promise that if she moved down, there would be babies and marriage on the horizon since the two had been dating for about 2 years prior to the move.  after bout a year in new city, neither one of these things had materialized.

after some pestering she got an engagement ring. on the slick tho.  nobody really knew they were engaged.  there was no announcement or party.  and the ring was this pitiful looking gemstone.  not that i'm a diamond whore or anything but don't just throw any old ring at a sista like "you betta be happy you got this here."

so then the "engagement" lagged on for another six months.  then one day suzy started rubbing her belly like she had a bun in the oven.  and over the next few weeks the #1 topic of office gossip was whether suzy was preggers and if bobby was now gonna make her an honest woman.  then all of a sudden a wedding date was announced and suzy started looking happier.

meanwhile bobby is telling anyone that will listen that this baby was not expected and will probably be referred to as "hey you." last saturday night, bobby was throwing back booze at a work party while suzy sat at home alone.  and bobby was talkin much shit about suzy.  clearly bobby doesn't want to be married but suzy wants it with all her heart.  and she's gonna get it.  but what kind of marriage will it be?  and is being married for the sake of being able to say you not single really worth the lonely saturday nights, the disrespect and the heartache?

i think that single women ought to stop focusing on the ring, the dress, the flowers, the chapel, the status, the "married" box on applications, age, mamanem, being the last one, a house full of cats, dying alone, and all those other foolish images that spring into their heads when they get all worked up about not being married.

think about what marriage means.  what committment means.  what love means.  and whether you've got a clear picture of what you're wishing so hard for.

think about the hard work marriage involves.  the compromises that will have to be made.  the selfless acts that you will have to undertake. and get your head wrapped around whether you're ready for alladat.

and in the meantime, in between time, DO YOU!  not in that cliche sorta way. but for real for real.  make a concious effort to live your best life NOW! go on that trip NOW! buy that house NOW! make that career move NOW! take that leap NOW!

don't wait for a husband.

that's just my interpretation of the sitchyashun.  what say ya'll?


Rum Punch said...

Yes indeed. Husband smhusband. I'm now all about finding a suga daddy who will encourage and allow me to live the life I would like to be accustomed to. Tee hee.

Amaretto said...

Rum you are a fool! *but also raising hand for suga daddy endowments*

This story is sooooo sad, because Suzy looks a little foolish and now she's preggers to boot! Yiiikes! I wonder whose idea was it for her to move down to the Big Easy in the first place.

Rum Punch said...

Ok, now that I'm done being foolish - but not completely untruthful. Heh. I would seriously like to say this is a sad situation. And not to sound like some church going, big hat wearin', chicken fryin' old woman from a Tyler Perry flick/stage play/or his brain, "but honey, you can do bad all by yo' self." Snaps. But I guess when you've written the fairy tale in your mind, you're determined to make it come true...

Localicious said...

@ rum, girl u crazy! but for reals, a "benefactor" would be nice. u know, i'd put a plaque up in my place thanking him for all his generocity and send him a yearly newsletter showing how very well his gifts are bein used (j/k...sort of)
@ mint julip, tell it like it tis girl! too many women out here don't know the diff between gettin married and bein married. if u got to HOGTIE ur man to get him down the isle (or to the justice of the peace) HE AIN'T THE ONE BOO! it ain't just hard out here for pimps, single, professional sistas r havin a hard time too (lol) it just isn't smart to trade single woman woes for married couple woes.

mcsquared said...

Damn, Bobby is a jerk! Lol. Great post.

Courvoisier said...

Amir where are you?

Courvoisier said...
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