WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.

SO LONG, FAREWELL...

The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Friday, July 25, 2008

Friendship At All Costs

Hey y’all! How goes it this Friday? So sometimes I like to take a break from real life and drift off to my happy place, that girly place where I plan my imaginary wedding: my dress, bridesmaids, reception, colors, the groom-you know the important things. And then I’m forced back to reality because a little voice (not a crazy voice though) goes off in my head and says, “Hey you’re in a real life, real live, for real, for real wedding, silly.” That’s right, I Rum Punch am off to Atlanta today for a wedding where I will be a bridesmaid. This is my first time as a bridesmaid. And I wouldn’t be completely disappointed if it were my last. Apparently though there are women in this world who are pressed to be in someone else’s wedding. Say word? Word. My friend has 14 bridesmaids, that's right 14! And there were people who were upset that they didn't get chosen. It was like being on Wedding Party Survivor. I don't know what those women were expecting, because I have found that this whole bridesmaid thing is not the business.

First off no one hipped me to the costs of being in someone’s wedding. Oh we’ll get to that in a minute, but let’s start off with the dress shall we? Has anyone seen that A Different World episode where Jasmine Guy aka Whitley Gilbert was in her father’s wedding (and she has this satiny bight green bridesmaid dress? Well she holds it up for the audience to see and says in that memorable southern drawl, “I’m gonna look like a refugee from The Wiz.” I’m not saying my bridesmaid dress is bad, but um, it ain’t great. Let’s just say that I’m gonna look like Scarlett ‘I’ll never go hungry again’ O’Hara crossed with Little ‘I’ve lost my sheep’ Bo Peep. But it’s not my wedding. It’s not my choice. So I can’t really complain. But I am seriously considering doing what a fellow suffering bridesmaid said she did on the Style Network’s Wedding Do’s and Don’t’s show and leaving my dress behind in the hotel room for Maria to snatch up for her daughter's quinceanera.

Of course I’m happy for my friend. I have to be because I want a husband of my own and I believe in karma. So I have just ridden this ride full of the bride’s color coded emails filled with somewhat crazy/ridiculous/what the hell has she been smoking demands & links to 'How to be the perfect bridesmaid' articles, ignored the feelings of being nickled and dimed (somebody tell me why I have to bring $10 for the make up artist), tried to stop wondering why we bridesmaids have been given the task of "breaking down" the reception, tried not to start senteneces with: this heffa done..., lent an ear when things weren't going as planned, refrained from calling the producers of Bridezilla, and have filed it all under: Things I'm Not Gonna Do When I Get Married. But yesterday I was tallying up the costs of this blessed event in my head and was like “DAYUM! I spent how much?” Let’s review the costs, shall we?

Bridesmaid Dress (that needs its own seat on the plane): $150
Matching Shoes (which you can’t even see underneath the huge dress): $50
Dress Alterations: $35
Hair Appointment (to get bride’s requested good grade of weave sewn in): $300
Manicure & Pedicure (French mani & pedi mandated by the bride): $45
Waxing (Well I would have done this anyway-but I’m still putting it down): $40
Plane Ticket: $200
Hotel: $120
Contribution to Bachelorette Party: $30
Being in one of your best friend’s wedding: Pricey. I mean priceless of course.
In all seriousness, I am looking forward to witnessing my friend exchange (long awaited) vows with her soul mate. But please believe that today, right here at 5 and a pos, I’m promising God and three white men, that the next wedding I’m in will be my own!*

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!
*Unless someone else from the 5 spot gets married first... :-)

11 comments:

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hey there!

I think that you have a very, very inexpensive contribution to make from what you have described...

Most bridesmaids are putting out a whole lot more cash than that...

Many dresses are over $350!!

These days, the brides have a bridal luncheon (for the older family members and the friends of the mother of the bride and mother of the groom)... and also a bachelorette party (for the younger and wilder crew)... and the bridesmaids contribute to BOTH....

Some brides are tacky and they ask the bridesmaids to chip in for the stretch limo that the bridesmaids ride in to/from the wedding and reception...

Some bridesmaids chip in to have the make up artist for the bride do all of their make up as well....

There are also accessories... earrings, necklace... hand bag...

The bridesmaids usually chip in and get the bride a group gift for the luncheon AND for the bachelorette party....

Hopefully, the bride IS paying for the bouquets that the bridesmaids will be carrying... some brides do not even do that anymore! {gasp}

It can add up to at least $2,500 when you factor in all of that...

(smile) The things ya do for friends!!

Feel free to stop by my blog any time and share whenever you'd like! My door is always open! (smiles)

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

Gangsta D said...

14 bridesmaides? Because 15 would've been too much? lol

$1000 for someone else's wedding. And only 3% goes to the bachelorette party? You are a better friend than I could ever hope to be:)

IntrospectiveGoddess said...

I dont know how I feel about this list...if you are gonna make people wear a hideous dress then you should pay for it your damn self cuz I can put 150 towards a dress that I actually like! And um how she gonna require you to wear weave?...tha fuck outta here....This just lets me know that, the whole bridesmaid thing will not be my thing just invite to the wedding that will be enough

(fŭng'kē) [blak] [chik] said...

I guess I was lucky...when my best friend got married she only had 3 bridesmaids, and we didn't have to pay for our dresses...her and her husband did...I think that's why I love her so much! lol

alice said...

If I ever get married, all I'm asking of my bridesmaid(s) (max 3, IF even) is that they buy a hot little bikini and a cute knee length sarong and leave the shoes at home cause we're getting married in hawaii!

alice said...

I forgot to add that I'd feel bad asking them to shell out for anything else, although I think they'd understand that I'm not able to pay for their plane tickets. No real requirements. Just be with me and be happy.

Honey Devereaux said...

I understand what you mean. I have had plenty of friends get married over the last 2yrs, and I told all of them I wanted to be a hostess because of what you just stated. Most of the time as a hostess I find my own dress of course matching the wedding party but I know how to shop affordable. The last wedding I was in, the cermony was 2hrs long I would have died as a bridesmaid up there. As a hostess I got to sit in the back and laugh.

One of my best friends is getting married and she made me be a bridesmaid. The only reason I doing hers is because she is extremely organized and calm under pressure.

Good post!

k.a.t.calvin said...

I DREAD the day when my friends start getting married, thank God for grad school! You are a good friend to put in all of that money, I'm telling all of my friends to elope!

k.a.t.calvin
www.bapworld.com

Rum Punch said...

@ Everyone - Thanks for the comments! The wedding is O-V-A! I'm not gonna lie, it was beautiful-the venue, everyone in their dresses, the bride, the ceremony, the reception hall! Everyone really came together to make sure it was a special day for the bride and groom. While I'm glad it's done, I'm also glad that I was able to be a part of my friend's wedding day. Mayhap I'll post a photo of me in the dress. :-)

@ Lisa - Welcome! Um whoa, $2500 is crazy. So thanks for putting things into perspective. Since this was my first wedding I was definitely experiencing sticker shock!

@ gangsta d - LOL! You know what they say about lucky 14.

@ instrospective - Yes, I can never wear the dress again. Friends are saying I should get it tailored into a cute cocktail dress. But that's just more money to spend...

@ funnky black chick - That's a good friend! That scenario as the kids say, is what's up...

@ alice - I love destination weddings! Sounds like you have a good plan in place...

@ honey - A ceremony that was 2 hours long?! I can't imagine. Ours was long enough, my feet were on fiyah! Yes, being a hosstess is where it's at. I peeped that earlier today.

@ k.a.t.- Welcome! Your time to be in someone's wedding is coming! Good luck w/ getting your friends to elope...

Erika 2004 said...

I just happened to go to a wedding over the weekend. Typically, I hate weddings, at least when the main focus seems to be the show. This wedding was not overdone. I really enjoyed myself. With the exception of the wedding being an hour late, which I guess is typical, everything seemed to go well.

Wow, looking at your list of expenses, that makes me never want to be a bridesmaid, ever.

Tinka's Mom said...

I just had a wedding of my own and did my darn-dest to keep the cost ($200 tops) and fuss down. My cousin (MOH) went as far as asking could should pick her own dress. Umm, no! Enjoy living vicariously through the sorority of single women....Relish the moment!

Anywho, feel free to venture over to the less-than glamorous life of mother- and wife-hood at biancathebug.blogspot.com.