Tempted to Touch

Why do children love touching hot stoves…especially after being warned not to? Why did Eve eat the cursed fruit, after God said that she could have everything else but? What is it about the things we are forbidden to do that draw us like moths to flames, sometimes we get singed, other times burned beyond recognition…but rarely during these taboo adventures do we walk away unscathed.

I want all the scientists (and other learned folks) out there to conduct a study…because I need to know why people are compelled to just throw caution into the wind and do what they know they should not (read: drugs, people, eating daddy’s big piece of fried chicken).

I’m thinking its because for the most part life gets very routine for most of us. For me there’s work. Then church. Shopping. And hanging out with friends. You have yet to see me call in sick to work and just drive someplace for a couple of days. I’ve never been to a restaurant and asked the waiter to just bring me something on the menu….because hey, I need to know what I’m getting before I get it.

Though I consider myself the furthest thing from a Type A personality…when it comes to taking action I tend to ponder. Then mull over. Then ponder. Then table. Then scratch my head before I seriously think about doing something.

But there was that one time… I like to share this story with people who are new to my world. I guess I think it makes me interesting or gives me street cred (either way its sad) but back in my teen years I got catch shoplifting. Now I can enjoy the shocked responses I receive with this fun fact about me...Really Amaretto? You? Ah yes, even me. And I continue to explain that I had more than enough money to cover the items that I took. But I just wanted to see what would happen next. See if I could get away with stuffing sunglasses and jeans in my bag. Plus it was spring break and my friend and I were bored…out of our minds. And in hindsight the thrill of the crime didn’t outweigh the consequences I received from my parents and the law…

Sometimes though, the revelation of consequences is not strong enough to combat the catalytic power of both boredom and curiosity. Life gets more interesting when we wander off the paved path and we get to learn from our transgressions. There is a luring appeal when we ignore the black and white and meander into the forbidden shades of grey. And knowing that sometimes consequences can be too costly to pay I still can’t help but debate how hot that stove really be…

It’s just too tempting to touch!

See You in Seven

asleep in Sunday School

One of my favorite movies (at the moment) is Kno.cked Up. Me loves it! It’s funny and full of moments that are so true to life. And while I was watching it over the weekend for the 50-eleventh time (cause I’m a loser with no cable), I had an ah-ha moment.

Eureka….eu—freakin-reka! © Seth Cohen. This whole movie is like last week’s post come to live. Made possible by white movie actors, of course. For those of y’all who haven’t seen it, slacker Ben meets on-the-come-up Alison randomly one night at the club. They head to her place for a little naked goodness but right before the deed is done, their wires get crossed such that Ben goes it raw dog, and Alison ends up preggers. The scene where Alison breaks the news to Ben that she is with child is classic. Missed sex education much, kids?

Alison: I'm pregnant.
Ben: Fuck off!
Alison: What?
Ben: What?
Alison: I'm pregnant.
Ben: Pregnant... with emotion?
Alison: Pregnant with a baby.
[Then they talk about how Alison thought Ben had on a condom and he tells her that in fact he did not, leading him to ask her how come she didn’t realize he didn’t use protection.]
Alison: I was drunk!
Ben: Was your vagina drunk? You think I'm an inventor? "He created a dick-skin condom, He hollowed out a penis and put it on", what the fuck?

I die laughing every time I watch that scene. Alison and Ben try to make a go of the relationship since they will be tied together by this baby for the next 18+ years. Despite some rough (and wildly hilarious) patches, they end up happily ever after since it is a movie and they are white.

Folks I know who find themselves in this same predicament -- guy meets girl at club, they f*ck once or often like it’s goin out of style, somebody forgets their sex education 101 and girl ends up pregnant. That shit usually ends on a sour note. Because the two people are probably totally incompatible and just haven’t had enough time to figure that out because instead of getting to know each other they were just f*cking. NOTE: taint nothing wrong with sexual relations between two grown folks but when you slip up and create a life, shit gets complicated. Or even if they kinda sorta could possibly have been feeling each other, the stress and strain of an unwanted pregnancy can, I’d imagine, drive any normal person insane. In the movie, Ben hints at the shame of Alison's being an unwed mother but in real life I often wonder, WHERE WENT THE SHAME?

Cause young unwed women coming up pregnant happens a whole lot more amongst the young black crowd or more among folks that I know (which is the young black crowd). I remember the days when folks, especially church deacons and deaconesses looked at you crazy when you came strutting into the church with a bump under your shirt. Like oh hell no little Ms. Hot in the Pants did not walk up in my sanctuary pregnant and we know she aint been married by Pastornem. And you shore couldn’t come back to church till that baby was out. If ever. We’d whisper about them and speculate during Sunday School what the future held for them now that they had been ruined. Notwithstanding the inherent sexism in these judgments, I honestly believe that the shaming which these girls had to endure among their church community impacted not only that girl's future sexual behavior but also the behavior of younger onlooking girls. It engrained in me the idea that I should keep my legs together and if I so happened to open them, I should make sure not to come back with some visible evidence that I had opened them.

Nowadays, young unwed mothers get way too many congratulations. Of course, I’m not saying that we should bring out the scarlet "BM"and "BD" and brand folks foreheads so we all know that there is a baby running round which they created outside the bounds of marriage but I think that we have gotten way too comfortable with this situation to the community's detriment. Folks are so brazen and bold that not onlydo they have that one but then they continue to pop out another and another and another, as if to say MARRIAGE BE DAMNED.

And being a young unwed mother with a sometimes in the picture baby daddy is difficult and not ideal, especially if that becomes your norm. How does that affect your kids and their ideas about what a healthy love relationship should look like when it's time for them to get into one?

I know this may make some folks upset, in part because we ALL know someone who had a baby outside of marriage and therefore it is personal to us and we don’t want to judge people we know and love. But on a macro-level…ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

“This isn't funny. This guy's got twelve kids, that's not funny. That's a lot of responsibility to just be... laughing about. This is sick.” –Ben