Me, Myself and I

Localicious, do you watch Girlfriends? I’m asking Localicious because I know that she’s definitely our one reader. Lol. No, I’m kidding. Everyone out there, do y’all watch Girlfriends? Do you remember how after Toni married Dr. Todd, she found out that he was broke and deep in debt – which meant they were in deep debt, and yet she went out and bought this ridiculously expensive purse? That was kinda selfish.

And while Toni was never the most generous person, she definitely didn’t try to make any significant character changes once she got married. I mean ideally it should happen before you got married as you’re working on you (heh), but definitely after you got married, you should start learning the word sacrifice. And compromise. And wrong.

Anyway. I have been thinking about how one can become set in their ways. Settled in their singleness. Comfortable being companionless. I know an older woman who has never been married, who rarely dates, who recently got asked out by a seemingly nice man. And she hesitated. And seemed kinda annoyed by it. Like how dare he come all up in my space, wasting my time, asking me out on a date. Now, here I am at 28, like SQUEAAALLL!!! Are you gonna go? What are you gonna wear? And so on. And she’s looking at me like, “chile please.”

And as I get older and roam this Earth alone and start not really minding that I’m alone, I wonder, what will happen if someone comes into my life? Will I be able to consider someone else’s feelings? I mean the last time I was in a real relationship, if I came home from dinner and had leftovers – I hid them in the vegetable crisper cause I didn’t want to share!!!! That’s kinda selfish. Lol.

And um I’m still that same person. Probably worse now cause I really haven’t been with nobody in forever. But when there’s no one to hold a mirror to your relationship behavior, how do you know how you’ll be? Or how do you know that you'll be better than you used to be? And if you do know the things that you should change, your growth opportunities as it were, is it worth trying to become a better person when it feels like you might be alone for what seems like infinity?

And so then I was thinking about how maybe, perhaps, people who get all used to being single, alone, by they damn self, end up missing their blessing because wrapped up in their comfort can be routine and resistance. The routine of going from work to home to work to church to home to gym to work to hanging with the same friends to work to home. Vacation! Work to home to work. Resistance to newness. Resistance to changing one's self, or character, or circumstances. Or even just stepping out there into the unkown.

Cause being alone, even though there can be gripes and complaints, is easy. You know what to expect when it's just you. You don't have to answer to anybody. Or ask somebody what they want to eat. And then cook it. You know where you keep everything. And you know how you like everything kept. And you don't have "time" (that's in air quotes cause in reality you do have the time) or patience for no one to come messing things up. But maybe that's all just a front cause you're afraid of being part of a two cause you know that ish is hard. That is ish takes work. That ish takes all of you.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

You get the live, long version, cause Sony won't let me put up the video which I love! Shaking my fist at the man!