WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.


The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Friday, November 13, 2009

Me, Myself and I

Localicious, do you watch Girlfriends? I’m asking Localicious because I know that she’s definitely our one reader. Lol. No, I’m kidding. Everyone out there, do y’all watch Girlfriends? Do you remember how after Toni married Dr. Todd, she found out that he was broke and deep in debt – which meant they were in deep debt, and yet she went out and bought this ridiculously expensive purse? That was kinda selfish.

And while Toni was never the most generous person, she definitely didn’t try to make any significant character changes once she got married. I mean ideally it should happen before you got married as you’re working on you (heh), but definitely after you got married, you should start learning the word sacrifice. And compromise. And wrong.

Anyway. I have been thinking about how one can become set in their ways. Settled in their singleness. Comfortable being companionless. I know an older woman who has never been married, who rarely dates, who recently got asked out by a seemingly nice man. And she hesitated. And seemed kinda annoyed by it. Like how dare he come all up in my space, wasting my time, asking me out on a date. Now, here I am at 28, like SQUEAAALLL!!! Are you gonna go? What are you gonna wear? And so on. And she’s looking at me like, “chile please.”

And as I get older and roam this Earth alone and start not really minding that I’m alone, I wonder, what will happen if someone comes into my life? Will I be able to consider someone else’s feelings? I mean the last time I was in a real relationship, if I came home from dinner and had leftovers – I hid them in the vegetable crisper cause I didn’t want to share!!!! That’s kinda selfish. Lol.

And um I’m still that same person. Probably worse now cause I really haven’t been with nobody in forever. But when there’s no one to hold a mirror to your relationship behavior, how do you know how you’ll be? Or how do you know that you'll be better than you used to be? And if you do know the things that you should change, your growth opportunities as it were, is it worth trying to become a better person when it feels like you might be alone for what seems like infinity?

And so then I was thinking about how maybe, perhaps, people who get all used to being single, alone, by they damn self, end up missing their blessing because wrapped up in their comfort can be routine and resistance. The routine of going from work to home to work to church to home to gym to work to hanging with the same friends to work to home. Vacation! Work to home to work. Resistance to newness. Resistance to changing one's self, or character, or circumstances. Or even just stepping out there into the unkown.

Cause being alone, even though there can be gripes and complaints, is easy. You know what to expect when it's just you. You don't have to answer to anybody. Or ask somebody what they want to eat. And then cook it. You know where you keep everything. And you know how you like everything kept. And you don't have "time" (that's in air quotes cause in reality you do have the time) or patience for no one to come messing things up. But maybe that's all just a front cause you're afraid of being part of a two cause you know that ish is hard. That is ish takes work. That ish takes all of you.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

You get the live, long version, cause Sony won't let me put up the video which I love! Shaking my fist at the man!


Anonymous said...

I thought I would be like this too. I always wondered how my friends in long term relationships could stand having someone around all the time and wanting stuff and needing time from you and taking you away from your stuff.

But then, it just happens. You meet the person where you don't mind that they're around all the time and their needing and their wanting just doesn't bother you that much. And then, instead of bothering you, you begin to miss them when they're not around. But, of course, there are still those time where you need to do your own thing. I still need my "me" time, but it is odd how quickly you become one of those people you weren't able to understand just a few short years ago.

mcsquared said...

Yes, Anonymous! I am becoming that person too. Lol... Starting off sentences with "we". Like WTH?! Is that really me talking?

@Rum Punch: I enjoyed this post because I can totally relate. I still have my days where I forget and revert back to being the lonely only child that I am. You gotta step out there and take a chance honey! That's what somebody told me recently when I got a lil' stuck in my own ways ;)

OurHealth said...

It's OK to be set in your ways - as long as you are open to change, new people, places, things...one day it will just happen. The right person at the right time who makes you want to be different, get out of your comfort zone and let someone else in to your routine. Love your blog!

Nappy Mind said...

When you hook up with your divine soul mate you will adjust. You still might not want to share your leftovers but you'll get used to it LOL.

You'll still hang out with your girlfriends but you'll also go to more couples events.

You'll also be happy to have your sweetie's support during rough times like losing a loved one or a job. That's when you really know that your union is strong.

Localicious said...

thanks for the shout out girl! u know i lol'd when i read the first line :-) yes, i do watch girlfriends and i do remember how toni didn't slightly modify her selfish ways until she lost her man and was left to raise her baby as a single mama. but i digress...i mean on some level u kind of have to get comfortable w/ singleness or u'll go crazy! but i think the woman ur talkin about reacted as i wld expect her to. i mean here she is havin gone thru most of her life doin her and not gettin much attention from menfolk. it's hard to maintain ur ability to easily interact men who're interested when they only come by every blue moon. i also think that at some point ppl stop expecting certain things to happen b/c there’s nothing in life to say otherwise. i imagine it's somethin like bein really overweight for a long time and being self conscious the whole time. during all those big years a person can get used to ppl treatin them like they don’t exist. they get so used to being self conscious and fadin into the background b/c nothin in life encourages them to do otherwise. so when they lose the weight and ppl start noticin & payin attn to it’s like they have to learn how to deal w/ that. to quote y'all it's like damn gina, i been here all this time, but now y'all wanna holla @ the kid?! i’m not sayin it’s right, or even good. but it’s how we cope. so yeah, that’s my take on ur girl. but um…she is goin on that date right? ;-)

Rum Punch said...

@ Anon - Yes, that's pretty much what I'm thinking. We shall see.

@ mcsquared - Lol. Is that what a wise person recently told you? ;-)

@ Our Health - Thanks for the love! And I agree, being open to change is key.

@ Nappy Mind - Hmmm.. Yes, I think that will be the true test for me - sharing those leftover. Tee hee.

@ Localicious - Yes! You hit it! I think it's a fine line you have to walk of being comfortable alone and in your skin, but also be open to someone coming into your life. I think so many women still want it deep down inside, but they just get tired and be like well whatever. On another note, yes y'all she went out on the date! PRAISE JESUS! And I think they had a good time! Lol.