Pile deep in the hoopty like that (like that)
Now I got black cards, good credit and such
Bae boy, ‘cause I’m all grown up.”
- 30 Something, Jay-Z
Thanks for tuning in. Glad you could join us.
It’s MONDAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!
What? What? Why are folks always hatin on Monday? Monday is the start of the week. Day One. A new beginning. Lots of holidays fall on Monday: MLK Day, President’s Day, Easter Monday, Memorial Day, and Labor Day. Girlfriends and Weeds come on TV on Monday nights. Monday Night Football [need I say more]. On Mondays, kids are pressed to show up at school in whatever hot gear they copped over the weekend. All the ladies who’ve been to the hairdresser come into the office on Monday wit an extra bounce in their step. Brothers with fresh haircuts stroll down the street on Monday afternoon like their name is A Pimp Named Slickback (all my Boondocks fans holla!). You catch my drift. So stop hatin on Mondays. Remember- some weren’t blessed to see today.
Which brings me to my next point. The week must start off with a bang. And a dark & stormy will make that happen baby! Dark (or spiced) rum + ginger beer. Pour over ice and garnish with a slice lime. I like to finish mine off with just a splash of ginger ale. Real smooth and real simple. Now please sip slowly or your dark & stormy Monday may lead to a topsy-turvy Tuesday .
Once upon a time, I could drink all the dark & stormies my heart desired and get up the next morning shuckin and jivin like a cast member of High School Musical. But your girl Stormy is getting a lil’ older. Though I quoted the song 30 Something, I ain’t quite there yet. If thirty’s the new twenty, than I’m barely legal! But I cannot deny that I am getting older. Just a tad…
Here are some of tell-tale signs that this storm is slowly shifting down to a category 4:
- The only club action I get Sunday thru Thursday is at a happy hour. I just tried to defy this rule last week and it wasn’t pretty. I need to at least be en route home by 11 PM instead of ducking some lame dude on the dance floor.
- I look silly shopping in stores like Forever 21, LVL X, and Charlotte Russe. I went in one looking for something quick & cheap to wear to a party one night… I kept asking the salesperson if a top was a dress or if a dress was a top. These youngins need to put some damn clothes on!
- Any man who suggests dining at a chain restaurant for our first (and possibly second and third) date will get stood up. Friday’s, Ruby Tuesday’s, Olive Garden, Cheesecake factory… ugh, so high school. Have a little creativity. I’m too old to be impressed by unlimited breadsticks or cheese biscuits.
- There’s food in my fridge. Period. And I don’t mean TV dinners.
- I remember Bobby and Whitney before they were “Bobby & Whitney”. What you know ‘bout “I’m Your Baby Tonight” or “All the Man I Need”? Classics!
- Weekday booty calls are far & few and definitely contingent upon how early I have to start working the next day. And don’t even think of calling after 10.
- The sight of cute children makes me daydream about the Stormy Jrs. of the future.
- I look forward to steppin in the name of love. I loathe crankin that soulja boy and will attempt to trip up whoever tries to superman dat **! Don’t even get me started. We shall re-visit that entire subject on a future Monday.
The list can go on and on but no need to dwell on the past. Some may get depressed while realizing just how fast their youth slips away. Instead of sulking, I am looking forward to the fine brew this darkness shall become. Already quite the potent potable, imagine popping my cork in another 10 years… Oooh wee baby! Look out!
Tumultuously Yours,
Dark & Stormy
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