Heard It All Before

Two things about men. Seemingly simple words they say that bother the hell outta me.

1. “Lemme call you right back.” Every girl by the age of 16 should know that this is a m-in-fin lie! But then like a complicated LSAT question is only truth when a man is first putting in work. Digging and wooing you. You know before you’ve dropped the panties. It’s in this time that they have a tendency to call back with a quickness. But once time has passed. You’ve given it up. They ain’t feeling you the same. Dropped you down to just a "friend." Or have gotten all comfortable and complacent – they hit you with, “lemme call you right back.” Which could mean tomorrow. A week from now. Or never. Ahhh this lesson should be learned early, lest you be sitting by the phone, you know, actually waiting, checking the dial tone, refusing to leave the house, on some he said he was gon’ call me riight back. Ha! But you bet not eva, eva, eva, eva, not call them right back. A fit will be pitched and thrown.

2. “How you been/What’s been up/What you doing [right now, tonight, later on in life]” – Or any variation of these phrases uttered by a man you once dated, messed with, or just fcuked. Until they chose another. Or just x’ed you out the situation. And months or even years later, when you’ve finally gotten over him, moved on, and shifted those happy feelings to fcuk that nygga – as sure as the sun will rise and set, he will make a guest appearance into your life. Come around one mo’gin. But not in the good, let’s get together and love up on each other kinda way. Noooo, comes back as if he left some kinda GPS tracking device on your heart and has been watching your every move and knows just when you’re turning that corner; or like he was bored one day, was scrolling through his cell phone and saw your name. Either way, you living your life like it's golden, and he reappears like, “how you doin’?” Like everything is good. Like y’all been talking everyday. Like he didn’t break your heart. Like you just forgot all the b.s. that went down between y'all. Like y’all can just pick up where you left off.

And so here he comes. Creeping. Sniffing. Tiptoeing. Half stepping. Shows up, usually still attached, but thinking y’all can still be “friends.” Should chat. Stay in touch. Meet up. Maybe he could even come visit you. Like he doesn’t have a wife or girlfriend. And you want to scream, “YOU DIDN’T CHOOSE ME! SO WHY ARE YOU BACK OVER HERE OCCUPYING MY SPACE? WHAT THE FCUK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?” But you know what he wants. He wants to have his cake and eat your pie, ice cream and cookies too. Wants you to boost his ego. Assuage his guilt. Wants to test just how much of his foolishness you will allow back into your life. Meanwhile you just want to end all ties. Amputate the entire relationship like a gangrene leg. Set it on fire and watch it burn to ashes. Star in y’alls own version of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Scrub your hands and heart of the whole affair. And you thought you did. But it never fails, just when you think you’re out, they pull you back in. With an IM. A text. An email. A tweet. A phone call you know you should ignore. But don’t. And so you pick up the phone to see what this nygga want. And five minutes in realize he ain’t talking bout shyt. And then you get the chance, some sweet revenge, a little poetic justice if you will, to hit him with, “lemme call you right back…”

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Takin' it back...