And You Say She's Just A Friend

From time to time I enjoy watching old Sex and The City episodes on On Demand. The other day I caught one from an earlier season when Carrie and Big were just beginning to do their little two step of drama. And aside from realizing that Carrie was always neurotic, needy and crazy, I also realized that Mr. Big was a ho. In this episode Carrie comes in contact with three different women from Mr. Big’s real live little black book. First, she finds him on a date with a woman (since he and Carrie were not yet “exclusive”) and the other two women (who she meets while she and Big were at a party) allude to previous sexual encounters and out of town trips with him while Carrie was standing right there. Talking about, "You still have my sunglasses from when we went to Rio De Janeiro..." What the hell? Of course Carrie being Carrie acts like a crazy person. And Mr. Big is pretty much like “What? It ain’t my fault. I’m just friendly.” I’m paraphrasing of course, but you get it.

Now to be clear when I say ho, I’m not talking about a man who’s a cheater. I’m talking about a man who has enjoyed the pleasure of a lot of ladies. And a lot is obviously a relative term. So when I say ‘a lot’ think of that number that when you hear it, it would give you pause, make you be like say what now, make you say, “I ain't fucking him until he gets tested three times”. So maybe the women this new man in your life has slept with were just one night stands, or maybe they were regular jump offs, or maybe they were women he dated for a few months and took on great trips and bought shoes for, or maybe they were in actual relationships with them (a whole lotta relationships). No matter the who, what when, where of the encounter, what happens when you continue to run into women that this man you’re currently dating has been with? And even if he denies it or tries to play it off, you know when someone has been fucking. It’s all there in the body language, the tension, the spoken and unspoken, the nervous laughter, the woman’s glare or coy smile, etc, etc.

And what if you meet a man, as Always Funky Fresh so eloquently put it one time who is a social ho? You know the type, when he walks into the room, all the women know him because he has a tendency to want to make himself known. And while maybe you learn that he’s only slept with 10% of the women in the room and is just “friends” with the other 90%, you still feel slightly uncomfortable or uncertain or incredulous because... How do you really know? How can you really be sure? And can it really be that this man who is oh so fine and credentialed just happens to know all these women but hasn't slept with the majority of them? And does it really matter?

As Mint Julep pointed out last week, by the time you get to be a certain age, the new person in your life who has caught your eye has been with at least one other person. But when does it become too many other persons? And how would you feel if at every function y'all went to, you were always coming face-to-face with a blast from his past? Could you handle it? Would you be bold enough to ask him about it? Would you become a mini P.I. and start piecing together his trysts like it's a jigsaw puzzle? Would you pay any mind to the rumors (and you know there will be rumors)? Would you just shake it off? Would you cut a heffa in the bathroom? Inquiring minds here at the 5, inquiring minds...

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!