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-The Five Spot

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

cause vs. cure

Recently, I’ve ventured to chuville and acquired services from my waxologist – Kimmichu. Now Kimmi has a wall of inspiration in her studio. This wall captures photos depicting moments in time that motivate her. On this wall, are a few celebrities. So, the topic centers around Diddy for a moment… Then Kimmi raises the question, “ Would you be the rebound?”

“Um, no”.

So, immediately my mind flashes back to the early ‘90s when I fell in love with my favorite movie of all time…. drumroll please….. Boomerang ….. ta da! Do ya remember how Halle damn forgot her screen name had to cure Marcus remembered Eddie’s screen name of Jacqueline (Robin Givens). Now, I share this with Kimmi and she highlights that being the cure has its advantages. But, I’m quick to remind her that being the cure only works if the timing is right in the man’s life to appreciate the goodness of you. It wasn’t that Halle was extraordinary special, rather Marcus was outsmarted at his own game. And being the loser at the game you think you’ve conceived is no fun. Literally, the world is flipped upside down. Marcus had had enough women prior to Jacqueline that his voracious appetite was satisfied at his ripe old age.

I have to remind Kimmi, the movie could have veered in a different direction.
Also, being the rebound is the equivalent of playing second fiddle to me. It ain't happening. To be somebody's anything other than #1 ain't working for me. Essentially, to be the rebound you have to acknowledge the fact that the man is hurting over his #1. Ain't no pity partner for you to party with over here shorty. Additionally, I go on to inform Kimmi I’m nice, but not that nice. And being the rebound is indication to me that you’re too nice or a damn fool. Well, Kimmi counters my response. She informs me that being the rebound allows the woman to repair the damaged goods, essentially be the cure. Hmmmm… semi-intriguing.

Since, I am not the cause for a man’s woes, I don’t want to be a pity partner. Bellini wants no part in that. Kimmi also suggests that she likes to be exposed to a man’s emotional side and when he’s down and out everything is on display. I really don’t see what’s intriguing about a man being emotional at the cause of another women. Bellini is not buying it. Homie go on and be sappy by yourself.

And here’s the thing that Kimmi and I didn’t have a chance to discuss. Why are woman attracted to a man when he’s damaged goods. Why can’t he already be in mint condition? There's nothing intriguing about expending energy to “cure” a man, especially when you ain’t the cause. You feel me? or not I don’t know, perhaps I have to mull over this topic some more and contemplate the ways. But I’m gonna need a few bellinis in the process.



P.S. Kimmi is real and so is chuville.
P.P.S. Thanks Kimmi for allowing me share our convo!


Anonymous said...

Women tend to be natural nurturing type.

Localicious said...

on a certain level i agree w/ u girl. can't help but think about all the times a woman will step in, help glue the pieces back together and then homeboy pounces on the next booty shakin. bein the cure is def a gamble. so if ur willin to risk the cost, then to each her own!

Bellini said...

@anonymous: yeah... it's one thing to be nurturing, and it's another thing to go beyond the call of duty -- imo

@localicious: true dat! i need to explore the proclivity towards damaged goods -- 'cuz i know too many women who deem that an attraction -- and all i can say is "do you babe" with fingers crossed...

Rum Punch said...

I always found it interesting that Robin Givens was the "pretty" one and Halle was the "regular chick". And she wasn't the cure overnight. That took some skruggling and some, "love shoulda brought yo' ass home last night!" And bags packed.

But anyway. Aren't we in a sense, all just rebounds in some shape or form? I mean everyone has an ex. People have pasts. Etc, etc. And they bring all that to the next.

I think if you're going to be the rebound, go into it with some goals. Sure, J. Lo was Diddy's rebound, but look what she got out of it - that Versace dress and a CD. Once the gun shots rang out, she was out. Heh.

Amaretto said...

This was interesting Bellini!

I think being the cure sucks if the person is resistant to the treatment. And then what about the folks who learn that they are cure after they have invested and loved. Should they walk away or keep at it?

Bellini said...

@rummy: your analysis was tooooo simplistic. sure in a literal sense ev'rybody is an ex, but a rebound not so; don't quote me on my definition-but to be a rebound the other party must have some resentment/regret/remorse of how the relationship dissovled with the ex.... and i don't think J.Lo was Diddy's rebound-she was the catch...the convo around Diddy actually centered around Cassie.

@amaretto: i have unfinished business with this post, i'm sure there will be more to come in the future...

Rum Punch said...

Wait what? J.Lo was the catch? What does that mean? What are all these lil' clever sayings - cause, cure, catch, clutch, clatch.

And I wouldn't call Cassie a "rebound", she's a jump off. Heh. But when I think of these famous men, who we all like to pretend we know in real life, like Diddy, Kanye, Usher who apparently has a new chick (and yet is clearly still wounded hence that crazy song Papers) - I consider the current women they're with as "rebounds" because to me the rebound is the next thing that comes along and is good enough for the moment. You haven't properly healed from the past relationship, but you don't want to be alone. And you find a "willing" person to fill that space.

So what I meant when I said we're all in a sense someone's rebound is that - everyone hasn't healed from the past relationship when they move onto the next. So sometimes people move onto the next with the plan that they are going to be short term. Help you get over the hump. Back on the hourse. And other cliches. You're gonna let him take you to dinner a few times until something better comes along. But then sometimes they stick. And that's a whole 'nother conversation.