April, "This is jump-off..."

Sometimes I am not sure where the hours in the day disappear to but before I know it, I’m doing the whole get-it-together-it’s-Monday routine. Anyway before I kick this week off, I wanted to let you know that by Tuesday I had had enough of my non-functioning cell phone. It was no longer refreshing. It was making it rather difficult to keep up with my social calendar.

Okay, so last week I was drowning a few of my work sorrows away with a friend during happy hour when I ran into my cousin’s boyfriend. Of course, I spoke and attempted to introduce him to my friend but as I opened my mouth to say his name I realized, I was about to introduce him by some other name that his mother didn’t give him. Ut-oh! Not only was I about to do that but I couldn’t remember this man's name for the life of me. WOW! This man has been dating my cousin for almost a year and I don’t know his name. I had to think on that for minute.

Then it all made sense (and ladies don’t kill me I just thought this discussion would be rather entertaining) for the last eight months, we called and referred to this dude as jump-off. Now of course he doesn’t know this but dang we must have used it a lot for me to almost introduce the man as jump-off!

At this point, I am thinking when the girls get together do we ever use real names? I know guys have their little code names but we rarely hear those unless they tell us. But my girls and I have used these codes names sometimes in the presence of the man in which we are referring. Tsk-tsk. (chuckle) Sometimes the names switch…you can go from being a "jump-off" to a "mister" without even knowing. Your woman might have even had a slip of the tongue and you never even realized it. (chuckle)

Well this morning, I am going to shout out a few of them. They all hold special places in our hearts. (chuckle)

To:

Jump-Off: One minute you chilling and the next there is more than just the lights off.

Coach: You keep a sister on her toes giving her the little extra encouragement that she needs and not necessarily what she wants.

Father: Not to be confused with the pimp and I think this one is self explanatory.

WH: Ahh, everyone has one of these…work husband. (Well not everyone.)

West Coast: The long distance brother. Time stops and the relationship pauses when you are not in town, but picks right back up from where it left off when you are.

Mister: Ooo, “if you think hard work been doggin’ you before get ready for the big dog!”

Old head: I think is one is pretty common but chivalry is not dead here!

Wing MAN: Not the initial score but proves that first impressions might be deceiving.

Hooptie: a.k.a The overambitious, loves to make promises but just can’t seem to follow through...but we love him still, his intentions are good.

The Avatar: Whether he knows it or not, he IS the chosen one and has mystical healing powers.

Mr. Sandy Nipples: Last but not least, my favorite. Always knows how to show a sista a good time. Doesn’t matter who is there…Mr. Sandy Nipples puts a smile on you and your girlfriends’ faces.

We love you all & have a wonderful day! :)

Take a minute to shout out your favorites by code name. (chuckle)

Until next week…peace :)

Brother Do-Right

He is my King, He is my one
Yes he's my father, Yes he's my son
I can talk to him, cuz he understands
Everything I go through and everything I am
He's my support system, I can't live without him
The best thing since sliced bread,
Is his kiss, his hugs, his lips, his touch
And I just want the whole world to know, about my..

- Brotha, Angie Stone


Last weekend, my homegirl's car stopped while she was sitting at a stoplight. She was on her way to meet me and some other friends to attend a comedy show. The guy whom she invited to the show [luckily] happens to be the manager of an auto shop. He and his brother were also on their way and were not far behind. They met my homegirl, pushed her car into a parking space, and made it to the show just in time to see the first act come onto the stage. The following day, dude had the car towed to his shop and someone was working on the car by the time they opened for business Monday morning.

Later that Monday afternoon, my homegirl called me full of joy. She was literally in tears as she expressed how grateful she was for the way in which everyone rallied together to help her in a time of need. She was especially surprised by the generosity exhibited by old dude. I remember her saying something like "It's not that I think I don't deserve it, but I am not used to a man being so responsive and attentive."

I thought to myself, you need to greatly expand that pool you're fishing from.

My homegirl may be reading this. I am sure she knows that I love her and want only the best for her because she deserves nothing less. The same goes for the rest of my sistas out there. This is why it is imperative that we stop giving men gold stars for being decent human beings.

If a man has his own crib (whether he rents or owns it), earns legal income, has a bank account, dresses neatly, has manners, speaks proper English, can hold an intelligent conversation, and washes behind his ears, he ain't special.

If a man calls you to see how your day is going, sends you flowers on a day that is not pimped by Hallmark, opens the door for you, helps you put on your coat, and holds the umbrella when it rains, he's considerate. But he ain't special.

I understand that we feel shortchanged and flimflammed when it comes to the quality [and quantity] of brothas we have to pick from. However it is mad dangerous to lower expectations to a point where we start subconsciously applauding men for doing shit they are supposed to do.

I wanted to point out to my homegirl that while it was very nice of auto shop dude to help her the way he did, she still had to pay for the work being done to her car. Even if it was at a discounted price. And as my mama would say, any real man would've done the same. Just because. That's what real men do. But I couldn't find the proper words...

I am worried that my friend has already given him a "pass" or stamp of approval just because he did what he was supposed to do. All the while not giving herself a chance to evaluate necessary shit... Like how he spends his money, the characteristics of the people he surrounds himself with, his relationship with his mother, his relationship with his child's mother, his personal goals for next 1-5 years, inability to work the middle 'cause his thing too little (c) Lil' Kim, and on and on and on...

This chapter of our lives is full of exploration and experimentation. We try, then try a little bit harder, and then try once again. We will lose some to win some. We will kiss many a frog and already have. How about wearing 3-D glasses instead of the rose-colored ones?

Let the real men show 'em how to do it.

Let the suckas take notes.

Let us not make excuses for any of them.


Tumultuously Yours,
Dark & Stormy