the intimidation factor

so a couple weeks ago i  met a guy.  let's call him kirk.  he seemed nice enough.  a couple years younger than me, but he had a professional degree and a stable job.  not that i get wet over such things, just sayin'.  he was pleasant enough to talk to and a self-described nerd.  he was quite tubby (read: fat) but i figured i'd keep an open mind since i'm no america's next top model.  i'd be toccarra, phabulously fierce!

 

now before our first official "date", i did a little recon. i found out that a really good guy friend of mine went to grad school with kirk so i asked my friend about him.  he gave me the 411 and then asked why i wanted to know.  when i told my friend that i was going to be meeting kirk for a "date" he laughed and said "nah homie, can't sign off on that one.  he's not on your level." 

i was flattered and thanked my friend for his insight but didn't cancel drinks with kirk.  i couldn't let one person's assessment prevent me from finding out more about kirk beyond his stats, right?.  so i accepted kirk's invite for after work drinks.  as i was leaving work to meet kirk, he contacted me to cancel.  work ran late.  i suggested lunch on saturday instead and he agreed.  saturday came and the noon hour passed with no word from kirk.  around 3, he called to explain.  lost cell phone, didn't have your number, found cell phone, apologies, blah blah blah.  

ummmm ok.  i started to see what my friend meant.  but being the nice gal that i am, i gave kirk one mo' chance, biggie, biggie you get one mo' chance. and so we finally had dinner the following thursday.  and kirk was aight.  not fantastic, not horrible, but aight. we had a nice pleasant dinner with some interesting conversation and at the end of the night, i figured i might have made a new friend.  

and then the cycle started all over again.  kirk suggested we get drinks after work on monday and then proceeded to pull an "oh never mind" an hour before we were supposed to meet.  in the next breathe he suggested dinner the next night.  by now i'd had enough.  i sweetly but firmly told kirk that i'd rather not make any future plans to meet until he could get over his case of the flakes.  i asked him not to suggest any more "dates" unless he knew he could keep them.  

and then i got the most bitchassedness text message today.  kirk tells me he doesn't have time to date, despite my being smart, funny, very attractive, and well just great, he hopes we can remain friends.

jigga what?!?!?  jigga who does that?  by text no less.  my guy friend said i told you so and my sistafriends said you didn't want to date him anyway.  but that's besides the point.  how you gone have time to be friends but not have time to date?  riddle me that.  part of me thinks good riddance to bad rubbish but part of me thinks he's lying.  but for why?  was he just not feeling a sista?  was he intimidated?  was he really just that damn busy?  or not ready to follow through on plans to meet?  not that i'll be losing any sleep over it for these are the days of my life as a single lady.  but still...who does that?

 

what say ya'll?

young fun

as i get older, wiser and more beautiful, i find that my life is becoming kinda like the title of that pearl cleage joint, some things i never thought i'd do. you see until recently, i had always kicked it with dudes who were about my age, maybe a year younger or older but no more of an age difference than that.

until recently...

on the one hand older dudes who approach kinda gross me out. yes, i'm "twelve". but i couldn't imagine datin and/or gettin it in with a guy 10-20 years my senior. he prolly be on his first or second divorce with a few kids under his belt. tryin to act like my daddy and boss a sista around. i'll pass.

and on the other hand, since i'm only 28, the dudes 5-10 years my junior a) aren't even legal in most states or b) would be tryin to take me to a soulja boy concert. again, i'll pass.

until recently...

i never thought that i would be getting my pretty pink, baby blue on. at least not at the ripe old age of 28. maybe when i got to be 45 and the man who i thought was the love of my life left me for his skanky secretary. maybe then i'd be seducing the junior associate at my firm during late night work sessions. but i never thought that i'd have anything in common with someone just outta college. i never thought i'd be attracted to someone who was in the 8th grade when i was a senior in high school, as he likes to remind me. but i do and i am (even tho he's a red bone).

he's 23 and it's kinda undercover. yet it's sorta nice. very nice actually. so i've added him to my team. and we'll see what happens. let's just hope he doesn't catch rabies and i have to shot him wit my pistol in self defense.

i guess if i was doin the choosing, and since it's mint julep's world i am, i'd rather go young than old. ladies, what say you?

Can Stella Really Get Her Groove Back At 28?!?!

Over the weekend, I heard a lady use these words “Go girl get your groove on Stella!” to a friend of mine who is 28.

(perplexed face) I asked “Shouldn’t you still have your groove at 28?”

Come on now, if we got people saying 40 is the new 30, how can you be a Stella at 28? I mean Stella was 40 and Winston was 20. She (my friend) is 28 and dude is 19. Sounds about right if you ask me (chuckle) given the situation.

My friend, Alvania is a recent divorcee of a 7 year marriage with no children. At times, I think she has been through more than the average woman in her 20s. At 25, she realized her best friend was no longer her buddy and what the nay-sayers said at the beginning of their marriage came to fruition. “You are too young to get married!” But that is the past and Alvania learned lessons that some of us may never learn in life.

She is finally free to start again. Shred the skin of her past life and start a new. And before she knew it, trying new hobbies started new circles and new circles brought new friends. And this weekend one new young, fine, brown-eyed, chocolate toned brother made it his mission to make a slightly older sista realize some people blossom later in life. How is it that this barely legal boy was able to do this? (I have no idea!! This is where you weigh in folks.)

The whole situation didn’t just make Alvania blush...but it made me blush. (chuckle) Dang! Even though this feeling was second hand, if this is anything like the feeling an older man gets when a young philly accepts his date or what Stella felt when Winston wouldn’t end his pursuit…do your thing girl!

THANK YOU young boy because you reminded Alvania, that she never lost her groove. And like I said earlier, can you REALLY loose your groove at 28?

My response “Pleeze…no one on the corner has swagga like moi!” (age is not a factor.)

swagger like us - t.i. ft kanye west, jay-z & lil wayne

Until next week...peace :)

Courvoisier

Jelly Bellies, Muffin Tops and Cougars, Oh My...

Good people out there, what you know good? Let's get started shall we. So it's summer time and the clothes have gotten shorter and tighter. But I see that everyone did not use their winter months wisely. Kind of like the ant and the grasshopper. But in reverse. Anyway. Is it just me or have y'all seen any of these fashion mishaps in your city, your town, your borrough, or your hood?

We can't let this happen! Let's work together to change the history of poor fashion choices! Yes we can!

Um yeah and these are the "clean" versions. I know y'all have seen worse at the club or on the block. Now first off this can't be comfortable. It's clear that these women's pants are too tight and are probably cutting off some circulation. Secondly, as I've mentioned before I'm a thick chick and I will acknowledge that I have a little bit of a tummy, so I definitely sympathize with my sisters out there. It's not a good look in general. But it's definitely not a good look when your clothes don't fit. And while I'm working on geting my tum tum down, in the mean time I have learned how to camouflage it. Now admitedly I'm no fashionista but um, I have learned over the years that it's all about blazers and shirts that float away from the body. And most importantly it's about buying clothes that fit. Even if that means having to go up a size or two. Yes, that's hard, admitting that you're really a size 14 and not a 10, but trust me it will serve you and society as whole. I think I speak for many people when I say that we don't need to see your jelly belly shake, shake, shake! So, good people out there, will you please help me spread the gospel? Will you carry this post in your pocket and if you a see a woman like this (or worse), please politely tell her to tune in to TLC's What Not to Wear every Friday night at 9 p.m. EST. And let them know that sometimes there are Saturday marathons! This has been your Rum Punch Public Service Announcement!*

I can't think of a good transition sentence...

So y'all Very Smart Brothas wrote a post a little while ago about the goggles. In addition to beer goggles, they gave other other examples of when objects in mirror may look better than they are in reality. One of them was drought googles. You know when you haven't gotten any in awhile and suddenly every person of the opposite sex starts looking yummy. Y'all, I think I'm there.

The other day I ran into a young man who I know. He is all of 19 years old. As we were parting ways, he going to the bus, I going to my car (cause I'm a grown ass woman who lives at home dammit) he maneuvered a ride home from me. So, while we were walking and talking, I realized that this young man is quite intelligent with a touch of innocence and naivete. Man, I could shape and mold him, I thought. To test my theory when we came to a puddle I said to him, "Now this is where you would lay your jacket down so I wouldn't step in the puddle." Never mind that he wasn't wearing a jacket. He rolled with it and said, "but instead of ruining a good jacket, couldn't I just carry you over the puddle." And I said, "Well I don't want you to hurt yourself." While in my mind I was thinking, "Okkkk! Play on playa." Or as Amaretto said: PIMP JUICE!

During the ride home we chatted and exchanged some more witty banter which let me say I didn't realize I had been missing. I mean he even used the phrase, by the by. I mean how cute is that? And I was thinking, "Whoa Rum Punch, get a hold of yourself. I know it's been a long time since you got some, but you can't start preying on the youngins'..." But I now realize why older women go for younger men. In addition to him being smart and funny, the best part was that he was malleable. I felt like if given the chance, if I worked it and twerked it right, I could totally make him hopelessly devoted to me. If I were a woman of looser morals, when we got to the house, I would have told him I was a little parched, so I could get inside, seduce him, and see what he was working with. But thank goodness things came into focus as I pulled into the driveway. I mean I don't want to corrupt young minds. Not yet anyway. Not when they can't even buy their own liquor. But when he graduates in a few years and he gets that first real job, if I'm still single, he might get a little graduation present! MEOW!

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

*We at 5 and possible are not responsible for any conflict that occurs after you confront a woman with a jelly belly or muffin top. Proceed with caution and at your own risk.