question of the day: "dating" someone at "work"?

so a co-worker and i had a debate about whether you should "date" someone at your "work."  as a generic and abstract principle the overwhelming majority of people (myself included) would say no.  but there are exceptions to every unwritten rule and in this particular situation the terms "date" and "work" aren't quite so clear.

here's the deal:

i work in a legal office.  attorneys in my office are in court every day.  we interact with people at court like judges, district attorneys, sheriffs deputies, file clerks, court staff and random defendants.  some of these folks we see once and never again.  others we see on a daily basis and in my head i call the regulars the court characters (or "cc").  a co-worker, we'll call her newbie, was recently approached by one of the court character's and asked "to go out sometime."  this cc was very respectful in his approach.  newbie turned him down.politely but then came to my other co-worker, ms. goody, for advice about whether she should have accepted the cc's date offer.

ms. goody told newbie she did the right thing.  Her reasons were two-fold: that newbie shouldn't date someone she works with and that if she said yes to this cc, all the other cc's would try to holla at newbie on the regular.

when ms. goody told me about what happened, i told her i saw the situation differently.  first off, we don't really work with the cc's.  although we see the cc's on regularly, to date one of them is a little different than dating someone who works in-house at our organization.  second, i said that going out with someone one time isn't necessarily dating and if them other cc's try to step to her she can say no just like she did before she went out with this one cc.

then i went in with the "we are single black women in our mid to late 20's" argument.  i told ms. goody that this particular cc was kinda hot and was very respectful and professional.  plus we go from home to work and back again so where else is newbie, or either one of us, going to meet eligible men if not on the job?

then i circled back to newbie and told her that she should accept the cc's offer if she was actually interested in him.  i suggested that once they had a date she could discuss with him the need to be professional and discrete while on the job, reasonable requests that most grown folks can get with.

was i right or was i right?

what say ya'll?  what advice would you give newbie?

Silent Tears

So this morning I am in the bathroom at work changing from workout Amaretto to I got bills to pay Amaretto when I hear a woman walk into the bathroom sniffling. Now I have to share that I was in the handicap stall because it’s larger and has a mirror and sink and as a whole handicap stalls make the public bathroom experience so much better. And so I wonder why all stalls can’t be handicap stalls? Why limit the disabled? Why punish the non-handicapped with a coffin-like bathroom experience? Sorry-I am just typing what randomly is coming into my head, but I do think I need to write someone and propose that all bathroom stalls be handicapped stalls!

Anyways, I also realized while typing that I didn’t really need to let ya’ll know that I was in the handicapped stall, but I wanted you two fine readers of the 5 spot to know why I was so a tuned to what was going on in the bathroom. A disabled person will cuss you out for using their stall. No bull-my grandma learned that the hard way when walking out of a handicapped stall there was a lady in a wheelchair waiting. What is the likelihood right? But if all the stalls had been able to accommodate a wheelchair my grandma would not have had to apologize so vehemently to a woman half her age. But we live and we learn!

Anyways I’m in the stall and I keep hearing the woman sniff. At first I was like she has a cold. But as it continued my mind flashed to movie scenes in which people are doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom, but most folks in my building are getting government wage to go with their good government job which means that they can’t afford the designer drugs. So then I hear the woman say “Oh God’ *sniffle* “Oh God” *whimper* *sniffle* and that is the moment where I was conflicted… should I ask the woman if she was okay?

I think most of us know what to do when a person needs help. A person’s bag of groceries breaks and food falls to the ground-we stop and we help-maybe take an apple for our troubles. When our bathroom neighbor needs some toilet tissue we spare the square © Elaine from Seinfeld. But when our bathroom neighbor enters the stall to have a personal breakdown should we ask them if they are okay?

Now I have to tell ya’ll that this thing called life has had me in the bathroom crying more than a river. I mean even though I might have tried as hard as I could to hold back the tears or to blame my reddening eyes on allergies, some times a girl (I don’t know if men feel the same) has to get up and go into the ladies room. But this morning, I didn’t know what my role should have been as a hearer of tears. I don’t think I would have appreciated someone trying to console me in the bathroom during my weak moments. A woman crying in a bathroom stall is there because she needs a private place to not be strong for a minute.

I think I did the right thing by walking out, but hours later I am wondering if maybe I should I have asked if she was okay or needed a tissue. What is the proper procedure for when a fellow woman feels disabled by life?

See You In Seven

What do you say, Courvoisier? (Part 2)

Dear Courvoisier,
Remember that friend I was telling you about? Well, she has offered to help me out with this project I am working on. I am not quite sure if I should accept this offer. I could really do with the help and she is willing to help me in every which way she can. She has proven this several times but this relationship is rather tricky. We have slept with each other a couple times, nothing steady or regular, and I am afraid that this may be ploy to get closer even though she already has a man. Like I said I could do with the help but I can’t…well you know how women are! What should I do?
Tyrone

Tyrone,
Although I am a woman, I can’t really speak for every woman. However, I do believe that neither pussy nor dick should hinder you from achieving your goals. If anything it should help the process or make it more enjoyable! (chuckle)

So, has this said friend exhibited a crazy-lady mentality? In other words do you think this chic will bust the windows out your car? If you two have been casual friends for a while, sleeping with each other on and off, it is highly unlikely that she will all of a sudden start wil’in out, break into your house and lay naked in bed waiting for you to come home. (chuckle)

Let’s do some math…you see each other a couple times a week, communicate everyday and have slept with each other 7 times over the past year and a half. I am guessing (no offense) if your little sporadic rendezvous were mutually all-that, potentially crazy lady might have already had a manic episode. (chuckle) People don’t all of a sudden become crazy!

Listen, it is understandable that you are hesitant about this situation, it is almost the same as screwing someone that you work with (ah-ha…another topic we might want to discuss later). My advice to you is, if you NEED the help…go for it. Successful ventures are fostered by a great team, not one man. Let potentially crazy-lady, whom you yourself said has delivered, know your expectations for the new dynamic of the relationship. Make sure YOU adhere to that and check yourself every time it goes too far. This may turnout to be a mutually beneficial relationship. If you know what I mean! (chuckle)

And if all else fails, assist potentially crazy-lady in finding a boyfriend.
Oh, I forgot…she has one already! (chuckle)

Seems like a no-brainer to me but let’s hear what everyone else has to say…

Much luv until next week…peace :)
Courvoisier

*Of course, like always the names have been changed to protect the misguided.